Welcome to Whining 101: State the Obvious on The Fashion Show Ultimate Collection. The House of Emerald Syx is too quick to tear each other down rather than build each other up, according to Tamara. And Mike's complaining because Cesar won even though everyone knows "there's no snow leopards in Africa."
On to the show: We find out Mike's a loner who likes to eat outside and would rather being doing arts and crafts projects to showcase his innovation: Where's the garbage dress challenge? Mike's on the hunt for some cardboard and duct tape.
Okay Bravo, thanks for profiling the losers just before they get the boot. We really don't care about Mike's ego-tripping if his cardboard and duct-tape innovation is going to get him kicked off the show... We're on to you: Give contestants their 15 minutes of fame, and then show them the door. How kind.
The Challenge: The designers learn by mysterious-manilla-envelope-under-door (Thanks for the idea Tyra Mail!) that they're heading to the South Street Seaport for.... BODIES!
Spoiler alerts ahead...
Iman appears in true I-stopped-aging-at-30 form and goes all zen on the contestants: "Look within for inspirtation," She says. "You must create a complete collection inspired by the inner workings of the human body."
Wait, isn't this supposed to be a show about clothing the body rather than deconstructing it. And why the hell does Mike have that stupid grin on his face?
Although Eduardo says, "It's kind of creepy,"
House of Emerald Syx goes to see Isaac one person down and idea-less. "Don't you think it's a little ironic?" Isaac asks, telling the five to drop the Syx and move on already. THANK GOD SOMEONE TOLD THEM! If we had to keep misspelling syx all season, it wasn't going to be pretty...
Jeffrey is appointed lead designer, but the newly branded House of Emerald can still only agree on one thing: Use blood red.
The Twist: Isaac tells the designers one item in each of their looks has to be reversible, so pretty much everyone scrambles to make some lame-ass jackets, while drama queen Calvin breaks out his multi-purpose design skills we heard so much about last week, turning a jacket into a backpack and a skirt into a coat.
Mike turns out to be freaking psycho and goes all Edward Scissorhands on his garment."At this point I don't care if I win or lose," he says before storming off set.
Note to Bravo: Ever consider a pysch screening for your contestants? First man-baby Seth, and now this? Might be a good idea... Oh, what's that? Then there wouldn't be any drama? Yeah, you're right. Keep the freaks.
The Fashion Show: House of Emerald's tulle head coverings are contentious: Calvin doesn't want his model to wear one (even though he suggested the whole white-out face in the first place), and Tamara, Calvin's new best friend, refuses too. Tamara gets bullied into adding an off-center pleated napkin to her strapless dress, and the entire blood-red collection spills out on the catwalk. House of Mani, aka Cesar, scrambles to put together a sixth look since Mike bailed, and none of the designers can prep their models in time for the runway call. Stephen gets a little huffy, but the show goes on.
The Winners: Isaac and Iman deliver the good news: "I love the palette," Isaac says about House of Nami's flesh-colored collection, "And the mimicking of veins." On the other hand, Iman loves Calvin's get-up this week: "That dress has one more tricks than a hooker." And how, Iman, would you know that?! House of Nami wins for more having more cohesion than just a color, but top dog Cesar's knocked out of the winning slot by "quiet Peruvian" Eduardo, who made his skirt reversible... Although we can't really see the difference.
The Losers: House of Emerald winds up in the bottom and has a catfight in front of the judges when Tamara blames her house for bullying her into changing her garment. "It's becoming not dysfunctional but disgraceful," Isaac says of their incessant arguing. You really should be a kindergarten teacher, Isaac. Oh wait... that whole Scarlett Johannson incident doesn't bode well, does it? Right when we think House of Emerald's going to be down to four, THE JUDGES ACTUALLY ACKNOWLEDGE MIKE LEFT. No one goes home!
The judges do, however, level the playing field: Drama queen Calvin moves to the House of Nami and one of the designers has to switch teams. Cesar, wise old owl that he is, bails ship and joins House of Emerald. Can Nami win without him? Will he bring Emerald together? Would he please go see a dentist?!?!
What do you think about the oh-so-dramatic episode? Did you see it coming? Who's your money on for next week?
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