Film and TV

What's Jay Leno Been Up to Since Retiring?

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  • Wondering why the hell he bought all these fucking cars.
  • Counting his cars - hundreds of fucking cars!
  • Asking the Comedy Store if he can bring his applause sign for a surprise set next Tuesday.
  • Counting his motorcycles -- 80 fucking motorcycles!
  • Asking his agent if there's any show or pilot or anything out there right now that would be perfect for him to -- what do you call it -- steal.
  • Asking Jimmy Fallon if he's seen Kevin Eubanks or Ricky Minor or any of those guys around.
  • Starting a podcast by buying iPod or something -- he's doesn't know what he's doing.
  • Drinking his wife's orange juice when she leaves the table to get a bagel.
  • Eating her bagel when she leaves to get another orange juice.
  • Drinking her orange juice when she leaves to get another bagel.
  • Eating her bagel when she leaves to get another orange juice.
  • And finally eating her bacon!
  • Sitting in his 1931 Bentley 8-Liter, fiddling with the steam horn.
  • Sitting in his 1906 Stanley Steamer Vanderbilt Cup Racer, fiddling with the double boiler.
  • Looking through his old scrapbook of friends and comedians who trashed him publicly.
  • Cutting up Variety to make funny headlines about him returning to The Tonight Show.
  • Floating the idea of returning to The Tonight Show to Allison from the Coffee Bean.
  • Just shooting the shit about returning to host The Tonight Show with his car buddies in his garage and the president of NBC in his office.
  • Juicing.
  • Sitting in his 1968 Lamborghini R485 Tractor -- a fucking tractor!
  • Follow Jackalope Ranch on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest.

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