Ahhh . . . Mexico! Nothing like starting out the New Year on a long stretch of beach with a trio of lovely, successful women. Trouble is, I was just one of the girls. We drank wine, cooked meals, and wrote resolutions on paper, then burned them in the fire…
December is gone and I think I’ve been drunk since Thanksgiving. For some reason, I decided to celebrate a Greek Christmas with my Jewish friends down in Tucson. What’s a Greek Christmas, you ask? It starts with a huge boneless leg of lamb with mint jelly and homemade spanakopita, and…
I don’t know about you, but I’m happy as hell to get 2007 behind me. Maybe it’s my age (38), or the fact that I hang out with other Booze Pigs, but it seems as though this has been a rough year for everyone (especially my liver). Good friends moving…
It’s finally winter, and I’m feeling like that damn coyote in the cartoons, hungry for something good to put in my facehole. I’m tired as hell of chasing that elusive euphoric high by gulping beer and wine — a compromise I’ve been trying since my doctor ungraciously told me to…
You ever have one of those days that just drip self-loathing and want? Since the doc told me to quit drinking, I’ve had many days — and nights — when I realized, “Hey, I think I really fucked up my life.” Phoenix seems to breed many of those dreaded evenings,…
It’s tough to wake up at 10:45 on a Sunday morning after only five hours of sleep. It’s particularly tough to get up and make it to a noon wedding. In fact, I’m hoping I can just get there without vomiting or shitting my pants (time will tell). Thank God…
Flashback to a year ago: I’m rolling around in bed one morning, wanting to vomit and complaining about my acid reflux. My young girlfriend is just emerging from the shower when I bellow at her to throw me the Zantac. My door swings open, and a bottle hits me hard…
I still have a headache from visiting R&R Stix in East Mesa. I usually wait a couple of days after I hit a bar to review it (mostly to rid myself of the hangover), but I can’t wait to get this place down on paper. I’m feeling like hell, my…
We’re just finishing up a nice dinner at Dick’s Hideaway on a random Wednesday night when I hint at the urge to slum it for a few. Carla picks up on my slobbering (and the fact that I’m done paying $9 for a glass of wine). She says she has…
I’m standing in front of Cash Inn Country on 21st and McDowell, and I’m frightened. I’m scared for several reasons: 1) It’s a lesbian bar; 2) I’m wearing a Metallica Kill ‘Em All T-shirt; 3) it’s a country joint. I use a lifeline and text a girlfriend: “Is it safe…
I’m driving down Hatcher toward Seventh Street in Sunnyslope on a Thursday night when I see two hot girls walking and . . . Wait, they are checking me out! Surely, the minivan must be doing its magic. I’m staring and almost miss the green arrow that will point me…
So, I’m on a mission to find a place to host an official Booze Pig happy hour near downtown, and because most of the go-to Phoenix dives are disappearing (Newman’s, Big Al’s, News Room, Chez Nous) the pickins are slim. Then, I remember this square block building on the northwest…
I’m sad and I feel like crap because a close friend is moving away. That calls for some goodbye libations. I’m lonely enough in this conservative, transplant-filled, call-center-laden convection-oven Valley, and my only respite (well, aside from cocktails) is my close friends. The bigger this Valley swells, the more it…
There’s nothing quite like dive-bar karaoke at 7 on a Thursday night. Especially in a No. 1 dive like Kay’s Lounge. When my guest pig, Zep, and I open the door to this place, it is immediately palpable that the new NO SMOKING legislation is a huge mistake for the…
It’ll take three days after I walk through the back door to The Great Escape for my own back door to finally get back to normal (from the ravages of drinking — thus the “great escape”). At any rate, I’m pleased as a pig in shit to review this little…
Let me start out by saying this: I love the Silver Pony. In fact, everyone I know that drinks at the Pony loves the Pony. I guess one of the positive consequences of urban sprawl (okay, the only positive) is discovering places that once were considered “out of town.” My…
It’s Saturday at 2 p.m. I’m hung over from a mammoth drinking session in Apache Junction, but I woke up early this morning and started driving. I’m on a mission. See, I found this industrial ladder on Craigslist, but scribbled the address and now I’m lost in north Phoenix. How…
On a recent Thursday afternoon, disgruntled by the heat, Phoenix drivers, and the smell of my pants, I drop my Boston terrier, Murray, at home and high-tail it to a small bar in a strip mall marked by a fuzzy neon orange-red glow. I arrive at the Dilly Dally ready…
