It’s no journalistic earthshaker that “dog bites man”–unlike the flip side of that equation–is not considered news. But what about the intrinsic newsworthiness of “dog nips horse”? That’s bad news–just ask the Valley horseback rider who found himself in the saddle when a vicious dog attacked the horse he was…
As churchgoers around the Valley return home from services this Sunday afternoon, a former deacon named Dave will be hosting a special nondenominational “fellowship meeting” for a select few of his own followers. Nothing particularly unusual about that, except for one thing. Dave has never actually laid eyes on any…
“Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!” When this magic mantra rings out across the land on Friday, it won’t be the sound of Judge Lance Ito admonishing the head prosecution lawyer in the O.J. Simpson trial. Instead, that’s the catch phrase du jour that’ll be echoing around another big, mysterious cultural phenomenon America…
On Christmas Eve 1992, at the advanced age of 64, Carlos Contreras hiccupped for the first time in his life. Sixteen months, four dozen doctor visits, thousands of dollars in medical bills and more than two and a half million hiccups later, the retired Phoenix postal service employee was still…
When it comes to bedside manner, “suicide doctor” Jack Kevorkian really missed the boat. At least that’s the opinion of a rival assisted-suicide advocate who claims to operate secret “euthanasia cruises”–suicide voyages for which terminally ill passengers from around the country pay $500 for the privilege of being wined, dined,…
Recently asked by a magazine writer what he wanted chiseled on his tombstone, pioneering skin-flick maestro Russ Meyer cited a quotation directed at him by Charles H Keating Jr. some 25 years ago: “More than anyone else in his time, Russ Meyer was responsible for the decay of values in…
When Gary Metzler decided to unload his 1966 Plymouth Valiant last year, the artist didn’t even bother to place a classified ad. It’s probably just as well. Within the constraints of a few lines of newspaper type, how do you even begin to describe a souped-up station wagon that simultaneously…
The Roadrunner Truck Stop is history. Earlier this month, more than three years after changing traffic patterns forced the gas station-cum-hash house out of business, bulldozers and steam shovels descended on the onetime truckers’ paradise located west of I-17, just north of McDowell Road. When the dust had settled over…
“!@#%&*!+?!” Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we return you to the Tourette’s syndrome support-group meeting currently in progress. “Yeah, you’re in the right,” says the meeting’s good-natured host as she welcomes a couple of newcomers into a recent monthly gathering of the group. “The AA meeting’s…
“Hempy Halloween,” proclaims the sticker plastered on the door of a conference room at the Hermosa Inn. Above the slogan is the image of a jaunty jack-o’-lantern with a joint dangling from its mouth. Elsewhere, a couple of children whose parents are attending the convention skateboard around the sidewalks of…
In Tim Burton’s recent big-screen biography of Ed Wood, actor Johnny Depp re-created key scenes from several of that Grade Z movie director’s masterworks from the 1950s: In the climactic flying-saucer attack that highlights Plan 9 From Outer Space, flaming paper plates dangling from fishing poles strafe a papier-mch model…
Tried earlier this year for pruning her spouse’s privates with a carving knife, Lorena Bobbitt was found not guilty by reason of insanity. But thanks to a just-released porno docudrama inspired by the case, it’s husband John Wayne Bobbitt who’s not exactly playing with, ahem, a full dick. “Now, for…
Upon her death in 1981, Academy Award-winning costume designer Edith Head left $4,000 for the care of her cats. In his will, W.C. Fields, the screen’s premier child-hater, expressed a desire to fund a nondenominational school for orphans. And in papers filed in probate court following the 1978 bludgeoning death…
“I felt warmth when I first walked in here,” recalls Rose Ellen Rosier. “The house hugged me.” But nearly four years after she originally crossed the threshold of her spacious, $116,000 home in Glendale’s Independence Park subdivision, that embrace has turned into a stranglehold. Today the 59-year-old invalid feels she’s…
Whizzing past the intersection of 24th Street and Camelback at rush hour, the muscular skater in pink short-shorts cuts a jolting figure. If the stocky, tattooed torso and chiseled facial features are almost certainly male, the perky little breasts peeking over the slashed undershirt are just as certainly female. Adding…
Make a ranking of high-risk occupations, and the job of circulation-desk clerk at Phoenix Public Library would surely fall very low on the list. Aside from the occasional paper cut, the off chance of dropping a book on the foot and the potential threat of asphyxiation from gamey odors wafting…
Dying to do lunch with the dead? Two self-styled “psychic grief counselors” say they’ll not only put you in touch with a deceased loved one, but they’ll throw in the soup and sandwich to boot. And all for a mere $750. “This is an all-day process,” explains Renee Harel, a…
Whizzing through a run-down residential area of East Jefferson Street, the airport-bound out-of-towner suddenly snaps to attention. Risking whiplash as he takes another gander at the red, white and blue architectural oddity–a ramshackle hacienda whose ragtag desert landscaping is adorned with painted wagon wheels–he gasps in disbelief. “What the hell…
“Na na hey hey kiss them goodbye!” That’s the public’s overwhelming advice to “Mr. X,” a two-timing Casanova whose true-life love plight was revealed in the June 1 issue of New Times (Love’s Savage Spreadsheet”). Mr. X’s romantic dither came to light after New Times obtained the original copy of…
Tossing restlessly on her pillow, Jean B. took some solace in knowing that at least she’d tried to make it work. But after 28 years of connubial bliss, she could no longer tolerate what her husband had introduced to their marital bed. “I was being victimized,” says Jean, whose unhappiness…
The Don Juan we’ll call Mr. X wasn’t just torn between two lovers–he was ripped. Parked in one corner of his heart was the fiercely independent “Dominique,” a vain shrew cursed by bad dentistry and even worse boudoir techniques. In another corner lounged the beautiful “Brenda,” a syphilitic yuppie who…
Even before he reached the front porch of the death house, Dale Cillian knew he had his work cut out for him. “I could smell it halfway up the driveway,” says Cillian. “Not a good sign. I’m telling you, that place was ripe.” “Ripe” seems woefully inadequate to describe the…
