How can you explain the disparity between Japan and Mexico? Japan is a nation a fraction the size of Mexico, with zero natural resources, suffered a devastating war of four years that included two atom bombs, yet has reached the highest in educational achievements, technological advancements and economic power. Then…

I got a bumper sticker at a street fair in Mexico that was a play on the “Hecho en México” export logo with the eagle graphic. Mine is the same but says, “Hecho un Mendigo.” My Mexican friends think it’s funny. Problem is, we can’t really explain the joke to…

I have a stupid, unemployed, 16-year-old gang-bangin’ cousin who already dropped out of school, and I’m pretty sure most Mexicans are related to somebody who fits that description. About eight months ago, he knocked up a girl around his age, so last week I was dragged to their extremely festive…

I am a gabacho who is dating a spicy little seorita. We’re going to Mexico so I can meet her father and his side of the family. I’m a rather alto y flaco fellow, and I wasn’t blessed with the dark complexion Mexicans enjoy. I speak some Spanish, but what…

I see Jews, Asians and Persians making something of themselves and conducting safe, walkable communities. Of course they’re not perfect, but I don’t see high Jew-crime communities, either. I see these people sticking together and helping each other out instead of envying their own. Why can’t Mexicans get their act…

My gabacha friends and I marched in the May pro-amnesty rallies and wanted to show our support on our chests as well as our feet. We wore tee shirts that read, “I only (picture of big, juicy lips) mojados” on the front, and “Yo solo (lips) mojados” on the back…

I heard that Mexicans at an Orange County candy factory think they saw the Virgin Mary in a pile of melted chocolate. Why do Mexicans always see the Virgin Mary in the stupidest things? Non-Believer Beaner Dear Wab: It’s not just Mexicans who find the Holy Mother in weird places…

What’s with Mexican-Americans who live in New Mexico claiming they’re Spanish and not Mexican? Many actually get angry and combative if you ask them if they’re Mexican. But if you look at them, they look more Indian than Spanish! Why have so many developed a deep-seated embarrassment of who they…

Why do Mexicans forget about great beers like Tecate, Negra Modelo, and Bohemia and start drinking swill like Bud Light when they come to the United States? I always remember John Steinbeck’s immortal line — “Ah, Bohemia beer and the Pyramid of the Sun; entire civilizations have created less” —…

My July 20 column advising Enamorada Gabacha to improve her relationship with the Mexican who invaded her heart by giving him “an old-school blowjob” drew many letters — starting with Gabacha in Love herself: Well of course I thought of a good old-school blowjob, silly. How do you think I…

The last two movies I attended were rated R. Sitting around me were Mexican families with very young children. Why do Mexicans bring their 8-year-old kids to see a movie like Hostel? Do Mexican parents just not give a shit, or can they not afford a baby-sitter? Plus, the Mexicans…

The Mexican presidential elections have been a freaking mess. I voted for the conservative candidate, Felipe Calderón, who almost everyone agrees won the election. But the leftist Andrés Manuel López Obrador is making a mess out of this by claiming electoral fraud. Does the Mexican have an opinion of Mexican…

I just don’t get Mexicans and their grooming. The men slick their hair with baby oil, gel or Vaseline, or just shave it all off. The women wear it in ponytails with a neon green hair band or in pigtails or wear bangs created with the biggest curling iron in…

I’m a culturally sensitive, PC Asian-American who laughed my head off at Jack Black’s imitation of a Mexican in Nacho Libre. Is this wrong? Vietnammy Mammy Dear Chinita, Wrong? Of course not. While Latino activists weep and moan about how gabachos like Jack Black reduce Mexicans to stock characters with…

Why do Mexicans traditionally like Chevys? Did Chevy once target the Mexican consumer base for some reason and it worked? Pocho in a Pontiac Dear Pocho, An urban legend suggests that Mexicans don’t like Chevys (pronounced with a harsh “ch” as in “chicken” and “chupacabra,” gracias) because the auto giant…

I caught your appearance on the June 19 edition of The Colbert Report. You mispronounced the Spanish word “patience.” You told Colbert that the word was pacencia instead of paciencia. Why do assimilated Mexicans find Spanglish acceptable?El Erudito Dear Wab, Indeed, I did appear on the pinche hilarious Colbert Report,…

I know this might be a seasonal question, but why do Mexicans like swimming in their clothes? Is it a Catholic thing? I remember as a child growing up in the San Fernando Valley that my pocho Catholic cousin even bathed at home in his tee shirt and underwear through…

Why do Mexican soccer fans chant “Osama! Osama!” when their side plays the United States? You don’t hear American soccer fans yell “La migra!” White Boy Dash Dear Gabacho, You think hurling Osama bin Laden’s name is tasteless? How about the Daily Mail columnist who, on the day England faced…

Dear Gabachos, Bienvenidos to Ask a Mexican!, the world’s foremost authority on America’s favorite beaners! The Mexican can answer any and every question on his nationality, from why Mexicans stick the Virgin of Guadalupe everywhere to our obsession with dwarves and transvestites. In the course of his answers, The Mexican…

What is it with you Mexicans who want to take back California? Is it that conquistador blood that’s driving you? Go Back to Granada Dear Gabacho, Besides beards, light skin and bad wine, the Spanish conquistadors brought with them to Mexico the legacy of reconquista, which has replaced WMDs as…

Whenever I bad-mouth illegal immigration at work, many of my Latina co-workers automatically assume I’m bad-mouthing Mexicans. Why do Mexicans always think that when a gabacho expresses dislike toward illegal immigrants, that they’re talking about Mexicans? Fences Make Good Neighbors Dear Gabacho, Where to begin . . . where does…

Dear Mexican, Why don’t Mexicans like being called Hispanics? Hispanic Doesn’t Make Me Panic Dear Spic, Because Mexicans aren’t Hispanic — Mexicans are Mexican. Besides, the history of “Hispanic” involves two attributes Mexicans despise: political correctness and a clueless bureaucracy. In 1975, Caspar Weinberger — then Secretary of Health, Education…