A fellow I knew used to spout the theory that, based on a kind of friends-of-co-workers-of-friends network, you were always just three phone calls away from the president of the United States. As of last weekend, I can do that one better. I was one phone call away from God…
Here in the Valley of the Sun, the names “Fife” and “Joe” are not synonymous with “happiness” and “joy.” Though the respective physical appearances of these men may be enough to bring about an occasional smirk, their actions aren’t funny at all. In fact, our governor and sheriff seem to…
If I said, “Excuse me, but if I were to serve you a fragrantly seasoned lamb kebab with a side of kibbe-nayeh, would you be interested in watching a little belly dancing?” you’d probably say, “Yes. Please bring on the lamb kebab, the side of kibbe-nayeh, and, by all means,…
It has nine heads. It has 18 eyes. It seems to speak its own language. It can drone a man into a drooling stupor, or it can make decisions faster than most mortals can place a drive-through order at McDonald’s. It comes to life in a sacred spherical dwelling where…
For the average supermodel or teenage girl, “accessories” is a magic word. The right handbag, a certain scarf, a new pair of earrings, a tasteful choker or maybe a bangle or two (or three or four!) is all it takes to turn a “ho-hum” outfit into a look that says,…
In these pages some five months ago, you were introduced to the phenomenon of Rods. Unidentified Flying Rods, to be exact. Unexplainable, tubelike things perhaps hundreds of feet long of unknown origin that allegedly course through our skies so fast as to be barely perceptible to the human eye. But…
It takes a certain brand of optimism and foresight to make a small-market concept work, a certain drive and, of course, the essential ability to recognize a need and fill it. Before a savvy, upward mover even begins to address such concepts as outsourcing, retrenchment and severe lower-pricing to shed…
Right now, I am alive. I enjoy many things: eating, sleeping, joshing with friends, talking on the phone, contemplating truths. But someday, like all of us, these activities will be taken from me, on the day I die. What will happen then? My spirit may pass down a black corridor…
Recently, I met two men. One man had a round, pink face. The other man’s face was tan and thin. The men are leaders that many of us look up to. The pink-faced man had a lot of white hair. The thin-faced man had hair that was a few different…
It was Confucius who said, “They who know the truth are not equal to those who love it, and they who love it are not equal to those who delight in it.” All right, Confucius, old boy, I’ll see that wisdom and raise you one! I’m absolutely ecstatic about the…
Ask anyone who knows me; I am a romantic. When I awake with the rising of the sun and venture out to pick up the newspaper from its resting place on the front lawn–wherever my careless paper boy has tossed it with his usual wanton indifference–I will instinctively take time…
AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, HERE HE IS–THE FABULOUS VIC CAESAR!!!!!! What’s that? What’s that I hear you saying? Who’s Vic Caesar? How about a singer, songwriter, actor, producer, writer, bon vivant extraordinaire? An Entertainer, for all you beautiful people out there tonight. Vic Caesar is a show-biz legend in…
Muffler–A chamber attached to the end of the exhaust pipe which allows the exhaust gases to expand and cool. It is usually fitted with baffles or porous plates and serves to subdue much of the noise created by the exhaust. –John Deere Fundamentals of Service manual Muffler Man–A man made…
Many is the time I have seen this guy come into the neighborhood bar I frequent. He pulls up on some kind of enormous chopper that looks like a Revell model, parks the thing right in front of the bar, next to the bicycle racks, and saunters in, stabbing the…
“I’ll put it this way: In the wrong hands, that picture is a portal for domination of the beast.” Let’s just start with that statement, spoken by one David Barnes with an expression on his face of a man who has seen things. Things that you may find hard to…
Even before I opened the letter, I knew it. I knew there would be exciting news for me, Peter Gilstrap. After all, right there on the outside of the envelope it said this: “A remarkable new book is about to be published–and you, Peter Gilstrap, are in it!” I’m sure…
Steve met a girl. Her name was Ashley. She would come over to his place, they’d hang out and watch TV, talk, make love, hold hands and cuddle. It seemed like a good thing; a certain bond began to develop between them. Twenty-four-year-old Steve had never experienced anything quite like…
There aren’t any airplanes in the sky right now. Nothing but wild blue yonder is visible through the window frames as the afternoon sunlight mixes with tinted glass and softly invades the room. There are plenty of airplanes in here, though. A Flying Fortress, a stealth bomber, a Steerman biplane,…
Yea, though I walk through the Valley of Jack Chick Publications, I will fear no boredom, for his hysterical story lines and stark images art with me; his lurid, blistering religio-comics like This Was Your Life, The Sissy?, Bad Bob!, Are Roman Catholics Christians? and Where’s Rabbi Waxman? shall comfort…
Swapping. Swinging. Hookers. Johns. Group sex. Adult situations. Good God, could it be true? And all going down in a defrocked VFW lodge on Apache Boulevard in Tempe? And next to a bowling alley at that–what a slap in the face of wholesomeness! What sort of wicked whore lords would…
The song begins almost imperceptibly, two notes of languid bass wafting in, back and forth on each other. Then, from somewhere off in the distance, comes a high tenor voice bearing a soft chant in some mysterious, romantic tongue. It’s joined–just barely–by a native chorus and a steel guitar line…
It had not been a good month for Bob. First it was the woman, his girlfriend of a year and a half, who gave him the heave-ho. Then his truck broke down. Then somebody shot him in the head. That was eight months ago. Ask him about it now, and…
