The girl next door — you wish! The premier issue of this freebie mag XESS features a six page interview and photo spread on former ASU cheerleader and newbie porn queen Courtney Simpson (aka, “Courtney Cox” — no, not the Friends star; aka, “Cory Hart”). The Bird mentioned Courtney last…
The truth would set her free… This week’s Bird tackles the icky issue of Governor Janet Napolitano’s sexuality (Birdlink). Personally, I don’t think the woman has sex, not even with herself. But if, like the SNL character Pat, she had to choose, it’s pretty obvious which outhouse she’d use. Why…
This brazen beak-bearer can’t wrap its head feathers around why Zona press weenies are so scared of discussing whether Governor Janet Napolitano’s a secret lez. Pretty much everyone in this state with half a clue assumes “Manet,” as wags call her, is a lesbian. The Bird figures she’s a non-practicing…
Would’ve made a great Holloween costume for LDJ… Remember Leroy Donald Johnson — the deputy Mesa fire chief who got popped for slipping it to his neighbor’s lamb? The Bird squawked about it in a memorable March item, but someone sent me this gag pic the other day (right), and…
Mayor Goober and his Crime Czar, Tickle Me Elmo. Remember Mayor Phil “Pipsqueak” Gordon’s front-porch bench program — you know, that lame-ass Mayberry-esque initiative where people were supposed to park their fannies on these stupid benches, eat popsicles, and protect their neighborhoods “from vandalism, car thefts, drug sales and other…
Dangerously cute: A bonus pic of Paula… Arpaio with major babeage, including Hell on Heelster Paula Monarch (right). OK, so I know Sheriff Joe’s a mean SOB, and has done some right evil shit in his day, including fucking with illegal aliens, allowing third-world conditions in his jails that have…
Republicans would be so much happier if they’d just toke up, dood… PC Friday is like one part Al Franken’s Stuart Smalley and two-parts Cheech and Chong. It’s freakin’ hi-larious. Every Friday from 5-6pm on the Liddy & Hill show (KKNT 960 AM), hosts Tom Liddy and Austin Hill channel…
My hero… I’m sure y’all will be accusing me of going gay for Libertarians after this post, but I have to say, I’m inclined to vote for Barry Hess, the Libertarian candidate for governor — he’s the only one of the three candidates who has a freakin’ personality. Janet’s an…
Not Ernie Hancock… Ernie Hancock is one wacky mofo. He’s currently running for Secretary of State, but he won’t be voting in the November 7 election. Why? Because he believes the whole thing is rigged through electronic voting machines, which have been proven hackable by none other than Princeton U…
Milk-curdling: Ferret face MacEachern… There’s a reason why print journos don’t do the evening news — ’cause generally their homely mugs could curdle cartons of fresh milk. (Save for yours truly’s, natch.) That’s why it’s so bizarre that the doofi at the AZ Repugnant’s opinion page foist their faces on…
God bless state Representative Russell “White Pride” Pearce. Yep, this nutty nightingale must give thanks a month before Turkey Day for this bumblefuck’s outing himself as a wanna-be skinhead, first by longing for the days of the 1950s-era deportation program “Operation Wetback,” then sealing his image as a racist redneck…
It’s one of those yarns that reeks of cigarette butts, aftershave and spilt whiskey. The sort of titillating anecdote graying, well-connected boozehounds might swap while swilling whiskey sours at Durant’s, El Chorro or the Pink Pony. Here’s the short version: Back when he was Bird-dogger in Chief, John F. Kennedy…
These days, with the GOP in free-fall and America’s 51st state (better known as Iraq) a bloody neocon nightmare, who’s waiting in the wings polishing his halo and patting down his white horse? Well, AZ’s own Senator John McCain, who expects to dispatch Democrat dragon-lady Hillary Clinton in the 2008…
Oh, how the worm’s turned on the AZ 9/11 Memorial since this early bird first tweeted on the subject way before the freakin’ thing was ever completed. See, this jaundiced blue jay was the first to jawbone about how the shrine — which resembles a humongo steel Funyun perched over…
Turntablist-promoter Al Page rocks the party hard on Saturdays with his underground hip-hop night The Shop at Hidden House. Packed so tight the female next to you will feel your cell phone ringing on “vibrate,” The Shop is the spot for true hip-hop heads to hit and not have to…
Wanna make starving artists weep? Tell ’em about Thomas Pomeroy: The Republican millionaire gun collector co-owns the snazzy Biltmore club io; his Phoenix health-insurance brokerage firm Pomeroy & Pomeroy is one of AZ’s largest with $300 million in premiums annually; and he’s a prolific, self-taught dauber, whose portraits go for…
Chef Eulet King’s smile is as warm and inviting as a Bob Marley tune — think “Three Little Birds,” with the line, “Don’t worry ’bout a thing/’Cause every little thing gonna be all right.” You might even hear that melody wafting through the air of King’s modest Irie Jamaican Restaurant…
The Bird’s been crowin’ like a rooster after an all-nighter in the henhouse over the spanking Scottsdale voters gave the pro-Proposition 401 crowd on September 12. The absurd anti-lap-dance law bit the canvas like a bum boxer, with 52 percent of the electorate essentially telling Mayor Mary Manross and the…
Are the Navajo Nation and the Nation of Islam goin’ on the warpath together? That’s the scenario this carping canary initially imagined when it heard that none other than part-time south Phoenix resident Minister Louis “Lightning Rod” Farrakhan addressed the Navajo Nation Council at Window Rock, the Navajo capital. Farrakhan,…
Starring: Jesus Cristo as Himself Danny DeVito as God, a.k.a. “Big Poppa” Sheriff Joe Alzheimer’s and his deputized Posse of Alter Kockers Senator Jon Kyl as “Satan” Redneck Minutemen Loads of Illegal Immigrants Mayor Phil “I know I look dark, but I swear I’m not a Beaner” Gordon as Judas…
“Don’t portray us as a bunch of wackos,” 9/11 “truth” activist Kent Knudson warned this Walter Winchell of warblers during a recent interview. “We have our facts. We have evidence. We have witnesses. The government has nothing.” Nothing but, like, some science ‘n’ stuff. Knudson’s one of the main wacktivists…
The Bird chortled its freakin’ tail feathers off the other day watching Arizona’s daily press get played like a $2 harmonica by billionaire hucksters Peter and Harry Morton, and their PR butt boy Jason Rose, who by now should have about the same aura of believability as the kid who…
