Fun & Games

In school, your teachers probably told you not to throw things, which helps to explain why the city is filled with repressed people who simply can’t find fulfillment without throwing an ax or two. Leave it to Lumberjaxes to make throwing things socially acceptable, assuming you’re playing nicely and following all the proper protocol. You can throw axes at 16 targets at its Tempe location, which opens up a whole new world of possibility for date night, family time, or co-worker bonding. Walk-in hours every day of the week assure the recreational axes are always there when you need them. And if you’re the competitive type, you can try out-axing other ax aficionados. Just tell your former teachers you’re working on your upper-body strength. Wink, wink.

Metro Phoenix is what you’d call a hotbed of professional wrestling fandom. (To quote Kurt Angle, it’s true, it’s damn true.) Just ask all the marks who flock to the events that WWE brings here on the regular (including its Royal Rumble pay-per-view earlier this year) or any of the smackdowns put on by the half-dozen independent wrestling promotions in the Valley. So much spandex-clad action happens in the Valley, in fact, that it takes something unique to stand out from the competition — and Party Hard Wrestling has been doing just that the past few years. Since its debut in 2016, PHW has become the weirdest, funniest, and quirkiest entry into Phoenix’s busy wrestling scene. It stars characters like the garbage-covered El Rey Basura (literally, “the trash king”), Cereal Man (who’s half-human, half-breakfast option), and the Party Ranger (a parody of “Super Sentai” kids’ shows). Competitors battle for Party Hard’s main title, the Championship of the Multiverse, and storylines sometimes involve supernatural or otherworldly elements. PHW has proven to be popular so far; its shows at The Nile Theater in Mesa, which run monthly from September to May, are usually packed with fans. It even appeared in a recent episode of the Netflix show Jack Whitehall: Travels With My Father. It’s ribald, rowdy, and ridiculous, not to mention a blast to watch.

We’ll acknowledge our tastes (and abilities) run more toward golf courses that feature windmill holes and clown mouths, so we’re deferring to the experts on this selection. Golf Digest, the bible for those who spend their Sundays praying for a birdie putt to fall, this year again ranked Quintero among the top 100 public courses in America, a list that includes such legendary names as Pebble Beach, Pinehurst, Sawgrass, and, alas, Trump National. No other Arizona course made the list. Golf Digest wrote that “perhaps no course in the greater Phoenix area provides a better experience of the area’s diverse topography. Some holes are framed by mountain ridges, others are out in the Sonoran Desert. Still others are edged by manmade irrigation lakes or natural desert washes.” But to paraphrase Mark Twain, why spoil a good walk among such beautiful scenery trying to knock a little white ball into a hole a quarter mile away?

The best staycation spots give you plenty to do on-site, plus lots of nearby options when you want to explore the urban landscape. Hotel Valley Ho beautifully blends it all, with amenities that include spa time, yoga, a pool with DJ-provided tunes, a chef’s table culinary experience, and tours focused on the hotel’s history, where you’ll hear guides drop names like Tony Curtis and Janet Leigh, of Psycho fame. The hotel can also hook you up with a tour of Midcentury Modern architecture in Scottsdale and the area’s eclectic assortment of food, drink, and shopping options. You can get off the grid, getting around by electric scooter, trolley, or golf-cart taxi. Walk just a few minutes, and you can explore cultural resources from art museums to performance venues. Bottom line: Guests leave refreshed and ready to tackle the real world.

It’s hot in Phoenix. Really, really hot. Like being blasted in the face with a wall of heat when you open your oven while baking hot. There is absolutely no shame in spending the day trying to be as thoroughly drenched in cold water as you possibly can. The water park formerly known as Wet ‘n’ Wild Phoenix (formerly known as WaterWorld Safari) is now Hurricane Harbor Phoenix, and its 30 slides and other attractions are guaranteed to keep you from succumbing to the Valley’s scorching summer heat (no, but seriously, drink water). You can float down a lazy river, get nauseated in the Hurricane Bay wave pool after eating too much fried food from one of the park’s four dining options, and sail 830 feet on the Bahama Blaster, the park’s “dueling H2O coaster.”

The best pool parties bring just the right mix of pool design, people, and creative energy. In a Valley where cool pools abound, Talking Stick pool parties reign supreme because they bring people together through not just water play, but also with music that ramps up the summertime vibe. It’s all about the synergy they create by showcasing different musical styles every week — with international and local DJs spinning tunes that transform these pool parties into dance parties or sing-alongs. It’s just the right mix for long summer months, where just doing the club scene gets old, and people want to enjoy a bit of off-the-beaten-path escapism.

As anyone rocking a SNES Classic Edition or Sega Genesis Flashback could tell you, retro gaming is big. So big, in fact, that it rakes in hundreds of millions of dollar each year for the video game industry. And the folks at CollectorVision Games certainly are getting a slice of that pixelated pie. Since 2008, the indie developer, which is partly based in the Valley, has released more than 100 homebrew titles (or independently created games designed to mimic the classics) for vintage consoles like the Atari 2600 and ColecoVision, complete with period packaging and manuals. They’ve been a big hit with old-school gamers, especially such popular releases as Ghosts ‘n Zombies (a clone of Ghosts ‘n Goblins) and Space Raid (an homage to Zaxxon). In more recent years, CollectorVision has put out several titles in its addicting Sydney Hunter series, which are side-scrolling adventures in the vein of Indiana Jones and 8-bit favorites like Castlevania. They’re playable on systems both retro and modern (including the Nintendo Switch) and are bound to give you more nostalgia than an entire season of Stranger Things.

Admittedly, Electric Bat isn’t the biggest arcade around (it measures around 14 feet by 40 feet). Nor does it have an enormous array of games (14 pinball machines and seven arcade titles dot the room). But what it lacks in size and selection, Rachel Bess’ tiny arcade attached to Tempe’s Yucca Tap Room makes up for with its cool factor and groovy atmosphere, which mixes horror-movie macabre with a rock ‘n’ roll twist. A poster for The Munsters and the covers of various pulp sci-fi and monster magazines decorate the walls, as do photos of rock stars like Debbie Harry and Elvis Presley playing pinball. The games also complement Electric Bat’s aesthetic, and include pinball machines inspired by both horror flicks (Creature From the Black Lagoon, Bram Stoker’s Dracula) and hard rock bands (including AC/DC, Metallica, and Iron Maiden). Plus, the sound of live bands performing next door at the Yucca Tap fills the air, adding to the atmosphere. Rock on.

As an old-school arcade, StarFighters in Mesa has it all. The 4,000-square-foot joint features enough joystick classics to delight any gamer, young or old, as well as such nostalgic touches as neon art, ’80s action figures on display, and a jukebox playing throwback rock anthems. And, oh yeah, it also has the biggest selection of pinball in the Valley. More than 40 machines are available at StarFighters, ranging from the games your parents used to play (Genie, Pinbot, and Haunted House) to more recent hits like the ultra-popular Iron Maiden: Legacy of the Beast. They see plenty of action when StarFighters opens its docking port every weekend, Friday through Sunday, and the crowds have only gotten bigger since pinball began experiencing a resurgence in popularity. Thankfully, owners Steve Thomas and Mike Lovato keep every machine in perfect working order, so you never have to worry about broken buttons or fubarred flippers when you’re going full tilt. StarFighters also host weekly and monthly tournaments, in case you’d like to demonstrate your pinball wizardry like Tommy.

The Gila River Indian Community’s Lone Butte is low-key as far as casinos go, and that’s what we love about it. Plotted on a relatively desolate stretch on Chandler’s west edge, the quaint gaming establishment whispers to the modestly dressed, casual, and quirky gambler: Come breathe our oxygen, hear our slot machines ding. And of course, try your luck. However small, Lone Butte has what you’re looking for: blackjack, plus electronic roulette and craps. Slow day? Hit up one of its slot machines. You’re going to have a good time.

Art classes can be intimidating and expensive. But that’s never the case at Practical Art, where art classes are casual gatherings without pressure to conform or be perfect. Art should be fun, and your art should be your own. That’s exactly what happens at Practical Art, where frequent, affordable classes make it easy to explore making different types of art. They’re taught by some of the Valley’s best-known artists, including Jake Early, Christopher Jagmin, and Laura Spalding Best. On one occasion, Alexandra Bowers taught a class in woodworking; another time, Ann Morton showed people how to make a bouquet of flowers using only recycled materials. It’s an added bonus that you can usually see an exhibit or shop for artist-made designs while you’re there.

Pecos Skate Park is one of perfect dimensions, featuring fun and challenging obstacles, rails, and transitions for skaters of all skill levels. There are a number of prerequisites when it comes to selecting a skate park that will be attractive to every skater, because if you’ve spent any time carving and grinding through skate parks around town, you know that some can be a bit intimidating, while others are too simple and boring. Pecos is the Goldilocks of Valley skate parks: just right. In choosing Pecos Skate Park, we have taken into account approachability for young grommet skaters, as well as a difficulty and combination potential for even the most experienced skaters. Never too crowded, and with plenty of room for everyone to spread out and get their runs in, Pecos is shred-ready for skaters one and all.

Anyone can go to the movies or out to dinner, but you won’t find someone named Devotchka DeLarge racing round and round a roller track at a theater or a restaurant. Nor will your favorite eatery offer WhoreChata, who is one of Arizona Derby Dames’ superstars and not a spicy condiment, or Nikki BadAzz, who inspires crushes in men and women alike as she whips around in ever-faster circles on a suspended roller track. The Derby Dames used to be a flat-track league, but in 2010 they became the only banked-track team in the state, meaning they play on a curved, elevated surface. And, oh, how they play. When they’re not competing, they’re training young girls in a junior league called Minor Assault, where girls ages 10 to 17 learn how to compete in this most popular contact sport, because (as the Dames say) it gives them life lessons in how to be strong women who can take charge.

The typical “get locked in with your buddies and solve a bunch of riddles before the time is up” escape room is so last year. At Escape Narrative, it’s all about the story. Puzzle-lovers and mystery aficionados alike will enjoy this experience, and will be completely sucked into the storyline in no time. Add activities like searching for clues on the computer and checking your voicemail, and you’ll feel like a modern-day detective uncovering some serious secrets. It’s lots of fun for a group or even as a date-night activity. If you’re not a fan of a scary story, this might not be for you.

There’s a rule at our house: No one gets their driver’s license until they do laps at Octane. And we’ve stuck to that rule. Once at Octane, no further rules are required, or words needed to describe general success or failure. You either keep your car off the walls or you slam into them. You run with the other bulls, (meaning the Indy 500-aspirants who were typical teens before strapping into one of Octane’s dart-like electric race cars), or you’re the logjam creating nightmare traffic scenarios. Once the would-be driver manages the basics, which is possible after the first session of 14 laps, a second session will hone driving skills enough to compete and maybe even beat the other drivers. Nobody’s saying this is like school: Octane’s a place of fun, principally, and offers laser tag, beer and wine in its bar, burgers, and a room full of video games. The races are reasonably priced: $38 for two adult sessions, plus $7 membership fee, and the same price for “junior” sessions, which include two 10-lap sessions in a slightly less powerful car. Good for Saturday thrills, good for a lifetime of safe driving — that’s why we love Octane Raceway.

Friends in colder climes may tell you that there’s a trade-off to spending winter holidays in Arizona. You get the swaying palm trees, but not the joy of outdoor skating rinks. Not so, because CityScape creates an ice rink in the middle of downtown, where you skate under sunny skies, then snap selfies for all those naysayers. The PhxArt Project at CitySkate featured work by several local artists, including Sam Fresquez, whose three-piece, text-based sculpture was inspired by the poem at the base of the Statue of Liberty. Artist Mikey Estes led community members through an immersive art experience exploring the prevalence of screens in contemporary society. In place of a traditional tree, CitySkate installed a 30-foot tensile sculpture with LED lights, topped by a rising phoenix. Created by Walter Productions, it brought a touch of Bonnaroo and Burning Man excitement to downtown, proving that nobody does ice-skating and winter wonderlands quite like Phoenix.

Now that electric scooters are becoming trendy transportation around town, it’s hard to believe that people used to roller-skate along city sidewalks. Thankfully, roller-skating is still around, and indoor skating venues have air conditioning. This classic skating rink brings just the right touch of nostalgia to roller skating, through interior design and musical selections. It’s a fun place to meet friends or have some alone time when you just need to work out a little something running around inside your brain. Strips of colorful lights cover the ceiling and reflect on the rink below as they elevate your mood and make you believe you can roll victoriously off into the sunset. There’s something for everyone in the theme department, from “lit” skate nights with live DJ music to nights focused on a specific decade, when skaters can dress up in their best retro fashion gear. Don’t worry about falling on your butt. Just pick up your pride and escape to the cafe or arcade, where you can take a break from being hell on wheels.

Bowling has come a long way, baby. Beige ruled back in the ’50s, but now bowling is more like an immersive arts environment filled with music, lights, and color. Bowlero North Scottsdale has 36 lanes where you can bask in the glow of black lights, so if bowling isn’t your best skill, just rock your best glow-friendly fashion and go for a bit of beer-pong time instead. You can watch sports, music videos, and films on video walls if seeing balls roll down lanes isn’t enough to capture your imagination. There’s also a sports bar, where you can rib your friends about all those gutter balls, and an arcade. If you’re all about bowling, you can get your drinks and food brought to your lane. But remember to act shocked when the ball slips from someone’s hand because you were kind enough to share your saucy chicken wings.

Opened in 2017 by animal fan Melissa Pruitt, La Gattara is home to about 30 felines — and lots more human visitors who can’t get enough of this sweet collection of cuddly kitties. All these furballs go directly from foster situations to La Gattara’s Tempe storefront, a safe space for cats where people can come unwind and relax, playing with fuzzy friends who love stuffed mice and feathers tied to strings. Visitors who don’t want to adopt a friendly feline can leave with a painting of one by local artist Kate Benjamin. Cat-specific events here include decorative sand-carving classes, an occasional evening of drag queen bingo, and a kitty-and-me yoga class called Meowdidation. Where else can you spend $10 for an hour of dangling yarn scraps with a roomful of kittens?

So, it’s Friday night and you just have to play a couple of rounds of Exploding Kittens, followed by Kerplunk and maybe some Tip It. You’re in luck, because downtown Tempe is now home to Snakes & Lattes, where you can pack away a meal or throw back some brews while playing Café Fatal or Pictionary or Battleship with some of your best friends — or with total strangers at one of the communal tables. A six-foot wall of board games is arranged by theme — party, nostalgia, dexterity — and you can help yourself to Telestrations or Clue or Monopoly. Don’t know how to play Parcheesi? No problem. On-site game gurus will stop by your table and teach you how — and it’s all included in your tiny $5-per-head gaming fee. Game on.

Looking for a safe place to lose control? Look no further than Tempe’s Simply Smashing Rage Room, where people come to throw glass objects against walls and beat the crap out of old adding machines. Visitors dress in neck-to-toe coveralls, gardening gloves, and welder’s masks, and pay to smash the doo-doo out of a shopping basket of breakables. Each smash room offers a chalkboard where folks can write down a list of things they’re angry about, then throw breakable stuff at it. Pretending your ex-husband is a stack of coffee mugs, and then smashing them into little pieces with a golf club, has its rewards. Corporate executives and PTA moms and everyone in between come in to release a little anger or just to have a smashing good time — and you can, too.

What could be better than booze and seeing wild animals up close after dark? The Phoenix Zoo’s Roars & Pours event happens monthly except during the hotter months. You’ll feel like you’re behind the scenes walking around the animal exhibits, and although many of the inhabitants of the zoo will be in for the night, there’s still plenty to see. There are also fun experiences like camel rides and visits to the Stingray Bay attraction at happy hour prices. You can meander around the zoo, or stay and play yard games like corn hole and beer pong, and you won’t want to miss free shows like “The Mating Game” and the live music performances. It’s perfect for a unique date or for blowing off steam after work.

The unassuming North Mountain Park sits on the southern side of the North Mountain and Shaw Butte area, on the northern end of Sunnyslope. Set back just enough from the cars racing along North Seventh Street, this desert park is a respite from the hum and grit of one of the city’s busiest streets. From it, at night, downtown Phoenix is a sight to behold. The park, which comes with picnic tables and grill areas, slopes gently upward at the base of North Mountain, giving nighttime visitors a clear view straight down Seventh toward the glow of downtown against the jagged backdrop of South Mountain. If you slip into the park before the gates close around sunset, a ranger is unlikely to kick you out (in our limited experience), and if you’re feeling particularly adventurous one night, we suspect the evening views from the top of North Mountain would be even better than from down below.

It may be the hike everyone does, but it’s the hike everyone does for a reason. There are two ways to climb Camelback, and both are crazy challenging. The Echo Canyon Trail is slightly shorter, but that just means your scramble up the rocky terrain will be even steeper. The out-and-back trail is roughly 2.4 miles round trip with a 1,423-foot elevation gain (though the always crowded parking lot may mean you’ll have to add to your trip by parking far away). The trail is extremely steep; handrails are installed in the rocks in some areas to keep you from falling backward. There’s basically no shade on the path, so be sure to bring plenty of water, even if that means fueling up at the fountain that has been taken over by bees at the start of the trail. The view from the top is nice, but the feeling of accomplishment after you get there — even if you had to get on your hands and knees at some points to do it — is even better.

There’s a new challenge for hikers on South Mountain: the T-Bone Trail, which goes almost straight up to the peak of the Ma-Ha-Tauk Range, climbing in elevation from 1,331 feet in the parking lot to 2,311 feet at its zenith. At the top, the trail, which begins near the landmark T-Bone Steakhouse off South 19th Avenue, loops east across the range, where you can join the Ma-Ha-Tauk Trail and descend back to the parking area. The new trail opened in January after six weeks of bulldozing work. If you’re not up to the steep climb, Phoenix Parks and Recreation also has graded an extension of the Ma-Ha-Tauk Trail for a couple of miles west to Laveen. It’s a scenic hike among hundreds of saguaros, and also a highly recommended alternative if you’re accompanied by a dog; the T-Bone Trail has some sharp drop-offs and there’s no room for confrontations between our four-legged friends. One note: Parking at the 19th Avenue Trailhead is limited and prohibited on the street until you are more than a quarter-mile from the entrance. But what the hell, you’re there for the exercise anyway, so walk a little farther.

Some people were angry about this trail when it was first installed in 2016. It’s 3.1 miles of crushed granite, with several concrete drainage support structures, slicing through a wide swath of the 1,500-acre Papago Park. In the end, it’s worked out as a multiuse trail, allowing for easy hiking, jogging, and cycling. (We’ve even seen off-road-style wheelchairs on the trail.) The park is situated conveniently on the borders of Phoenix, Tempe, and Scottsdale, and the trail has become one of our favorite features in it. The Fitness Trail is the perfect place to train for a 5K — well, you said you like hills, right? This ain’t no sidewalk jog. Start at the West Buttes parking lot off Galvin Parkway, just west of the Phoenix Zoo. The trail rolls like a gray ribbon across pink, cactus-covered hills, never flat for too long, but with nothing steep enough to blow out your knees. Up and down, twisting and turning, taking you the long way around the golf course but always west of Galvin Parkway — it all adds up to a deliciously full workout, like eating half the leftovers as well as the main meal. The next time you do a flat 5K, it’ll feel like a snack.

Not all turkey trots are created equal. Ditch the neighborhood Thanksgiving Day dawdle for some serious trail running on the Saturday after Turkey Day. Fat Turkey offers both a 5K and a 10K, with plenty of scenery as you hit the rocky red ups and downs of Papago Park. As an extra incentive, the race organizers bring in an extra-fast pacesetter dressed in a turkey suit to run the course. Yeah, he looks silly. And he’s probably going to kick your ass. One of our jogging partners actually beat the turkey last year, winning a shot glass — and knee pain he complained about for the next two months. As moderate trail runners, we don’t try to go that fast. But after sampling the 5K version a couple of years ago, we did the 10K after last Turkey Day. Maybe it was the residual tryptophan, or maybe it was that the race begins with tough hills on a gravelly, uneven desert single-track trail, but we were fighting every instinct to give up and sneak away from the whole damned thing within the first mile. Fortunately, we worked past that nonsense and the next five miles were pure, fat-burning bliss. Everyone gets a T-shirt and a finisher’s medal. Our two medals hang proudly at home — and the next one’s coming up soon.

As much as we love bouldering, the art of rock climbing while staying relatively low to the ground, sometimes we need to get high. But without a partner and rope for a belay, climbing high on technically difficult terrain isn’t a rational option, unless you’re Alex Honnold. Or, that is, unless you have access to an auto-belayer. If so, while the rope is still mandatory, the partner isn’t. Focus is the better of two gyms that we’re aware of that employ auto-belayers. We like the vibe there from both the laid-back, though professional, employees, and the clientele of mostly young, ripped, personable bouldering aficionados. Opposite the top-notch bouldering walls, the climbing walls are served by six auto-belayers, which are box-like machines affixed near the ceiling. A climbing rope dangles from the center of the boxes to near the floor. Climbers clip into the end of that rope and begin scaling the wall. In a fall, the auto-belayer doesn’t let the climber plunge to the ground. Instead, it pays out the rope slowly and places the climber on the floor gently. This system allows us to climb the wall’s 30 feet again and again, racking up hundreds of vertical feet in minutes with no belayer, and no fear of crashing to the ground. It’s even safer than bouldering higher than five or six feet, since a fall even on padded ground could result in a sprain or break, while the auto-belayer acts as a guardian angel, always depositing climbers on the ground at the same, slow speed. What it won’t do is talk to you. While they won’t help your social life, the auto-belayers at Focus will get you ready for the next big wall.

Come for the bouldering, stay for the weights, yoga, wine, and massages. Dozens of routes that sprawl over the gym’s two cavernous sections range from the beginner-friendly V-basic rating to the rip-skin-off-your fingers V8s and above. Build strength by scaling overhangs and gripping tiny, crimpy holds as you practice footwork and train your mind to “read” routes before you hop on the wall. Veteran-owned and -operated, Black Rock is staunchly a bouldering gym — leave your harnesses at home, folks — and embracing that identity distinguishes it from gyms that try to offer it all. A monthly membership will set you back $79, which pays off after four visits. Regularly set routes test your technique and push your mind and body to solve fresh puzzles. Meanwhile, Black Rock’s open gym has all the weights, resistance cords, and other equipment you need to get stronger. Yoga classes are offered almost every night, so you can stretch out. Monthly offerings include ladies’ bouldering night (it comes with wine) and back massages.

There are three main canals that provide paths for walking, jogging, or cycling, but Arizona Canal is the best. These waterways have been entertaining Phoenicians for decades, as well as delivering the life-sustaining water for homes and our remaining farms. We know two people who used to water-ski in the canals behind cars back in the day. Now, you’d be thrown in jail for doing that — plus you’d run over a jogger, most likely. The Arizona Canal cuts through the finest part of the empire known as metro Phoenix, passing through neighborhoods and commercial sections of east Phoenix and Scottsdale, all the way to the west Valley. The canal paths are flat, with surfaces of both dirt and asphalt, so the only drawback is the occasional street crossing — be careful on those. The clean water, which contains catfish and other aquatic life, can be mesmerizing for desert dwellers who know little but dust and cactus. It’s one of our mandatory pleasures to jog along the canal; stare at the water and open spaces of backyards, parking lots, and what have you; and let the brain take a siesta while the heart and lungs pump away. It’s pure, Phoenix-style bliss.

Twenty-five miles of nearly uninterrupted bicycle path. You heard right. That’s a huge stretch of pavement without worrying about cars or 18-wheelers taking you out. True, there are often other obstacles to weave through, like pedestrians, roller-bladers, and the scourge of humankind, electric scooters. But they probably won’t kill you, and if it’s later at night or hot, or if you get lucky, you’ll have nearly the whole trail system to yourself. Doing the math: The ride could be a 50-miler out-and-back if begun at one end. In reality, that might be difficult to do. But the beauty of this ride is you could live in south Phoenix, Tempe, south Scottsdale, or north Scottsdale and still access the trail easily for a long, no-car bike ride. There are no signs, and not even a single online map for this one. Here are the tricks (start from either end): Catch the west end of the Rio Salado bike path at about 19th Avenue and the south bank of the Salt River riverbed. Continue through the Tempe Beach Park, and connect to Scottsdale’s Indian Bend Wash path by either taking the pedestrian bridge to the north side, or using the walkway on Rural Road. That path soon bends north and runs all the way to Shea Boulevard. You might want to pack a lunch.

Don’t get us wrong: There are plenty of bike trails with beautiful scenery all over the Valley, but there’s something about looping through Usery Pass that feels epic. Once you ride up the 1,000 feet of rolling hills inside this county park, you can see downtown Phoenix from over 30 miles away on a clear day. There is lush greenery along North Bush Highway, which runs parallel to the Salt River. You can take a selfie next to one of the oddly shaped saguaro cactuses along the road, Bike anywhere from 20 to 40 miles, but come prepared —occasional debris from the large pickups hauling boats can flatten your tire real fast.

Metro Phoenix straightaways can be mind-numbing for the motorcyclist, causing us to crave any kind of handlebar action more interesting than a U-turn. Motoring out on our favorite longer rides, like to Tortilla Flat or Prescott, involves about an hour of arrow-straight freeway riding from our central Valley homestead before hitting any twisties. Going to South Mountain’s summit, the fun starts much sooner. Easily accessible from much of the Valley, the entrance to the 11,000-acre park can be found by simply driving south on Central Avenue toward South Mountain. Soon enough, you’re putting your bike through some paces with some nice back-and-forth driving. Watch out for gravel on the road, and mind the speed limit. There’s a YouTube video out there featuring a guy taking a dirt dive from missing a curve — you don’t want to provide a sequel. The lower speed limit (25 mph, 15 around blind curves) and treacherous cliffs make this a fun place for riders who feel the need for safety more than speed. Take the road up to Dobbins Lookout, or all the way up to the TV towers. It’s a great place for improving beginner motorcycle skills or chasing away the boredom of the street grid.

Notorious for lousy treatment of cyclists, metro Phoenix has been making up for lost time in recent years by connecting trails all over town to create long stretches where bikes and cars don’t meet. Recently, a bike path opened south of the Salt River and west of Priest Drive in Tempe, stretching west to another trail that extends west of Central Avenue in Phoenix. We like this for lots of reasons, but mainly because it gives us a bird’s-eye view of the inner workings of Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport — if a bird were riding a bicycle, that is. Our favorite spot is a shaded bench near 40th Street, which offers a terrific view of jumbo jets taking off and landing. It kind of makes us want to trade in the Schwinn for a Boeing, but for now, we’ll settle for some good, old-fashioned voyeurism.

Tucked back in the Madison area of uptown Phoenix, Granada Park is a quiet, green area ideal for a quick lunch away from your desk or for an afternoon on the grass. A fishing lagoon jam-packed with ducks and turtles occupies the center of the park, while the dramatic Piestewa Peak dominates the scenery. Picnic tables and grills help with planned outings, while trees and grass make for perfect plop-down spots with a blanket, a book, yourself, and maybe a dog. There’s also a tennis court, a playground, and a multipurpose field for those in your picnic party who are interested. Overseen by the city of Phoenix, Granada Park is open daily.

Mycophiles, unite! For those who appreciate store-bought mushrooms but are always yearning for more, there’s a very simple solution: Go find your own. Not sure where to go or how to look? Enter the Arizona Mushroom Society, an organization that runs forays, lectures, classes, and of course, mushroom-centric feasts around the state. During morel season, weekday and weekend excursions take members and their guests to remote and rugged areas like the Mogollon Rim, where recent fires and rains provide the perfect growing habitat for these meaty treasures. Workshops cover topics that are a mushroom-lover’s dream, like cultivating oyster mushrooms. The society’s longtime members and leaders collectively have a wealth of information to help amateurs identify their findings and (most importantly) determine what’s safe to eat. Mycophiles are a friendly bunch, and chances are high that you’ll make a friend or two when you join a foray. Annual membership costs $15, with varying extra costs for specific events.

Free seeds! Free seeds! On the first floor of the Burton Barr Library is a board tacked with small plastic baskets holding tiny manila packets of just a few seeds each — melons, dill, squash, grains, flowers, herbs, eggplant, beans, peppers, kale, tomatoes, tomatillos, and more. Patrons can “check out” up to three seed packets at a time but, of course, don’t have to return them after three weeks. This seed library is free, and we’re thrilled with the variety that the library offers home gardeners. Although patrons receive just a few seeds in each packet, this sparing distribution is actually far more sensible than the $1, $2, or $3 packets containing dozens of seeds, only a few of which are likely to be planted. Getting seeds from the library means you can plant a few pepper plants, a few tomato plants, or a few dill plants without having to spend money on seeds that will ultimately go to waste. There are 16 Phoenix Public Library locations with a seed library, and the program also has free workshops on watering, seed-saving, and vermicomposting.

ESPN shouting head Max Kellerman tried to diminish the accomplishments of the most beloved Cardinal, Larry Fitzgerald, when he suggested on First Take earlier this year that Fitz might only make it into the Pro Football Hall of Fame “because of his longevity and willingness to keep playing despite not being an MVP-caliber player anymore.” Stop it. Fitzgerald, who just turned 36, caught more than 100 passes for more than 1,000 yards in each of the 2015, 2016, and 2017 seasons, all after turning 32. That’s hardly playing out the string. Yeah, his numbers dipped last season with a struggling rookie at quarterback, but so did the entire team’s. No. 11 ranks second in receiving yards (16,279) in NFL history, trailing only Jerry Rice. He’s made the Pro Bowl 11 times in his 15-year career, despite playing with 19 different quarterbacks. With new coach Kliff Kingsbury bringing in a pass-first offense, there’s no telling what kind of numbers Fitzgerald will put up this season. Nevertheless, we’ll cut Kellerman some slack for appearing to be brain-dead. It might happen to us, too, if we had to listen to his TV partner, Stephen A. Smith, yapping for two hours every morning.

Mesa native Julie Ertz now holds the record for world championships in the Ertz household. Her husband, Zach, won a Super Bowl as a tight end with the Philadelphia Eagles, but she has two World Cup soccer titles on her wall, starring for the winning U.S. teams in 2015 and 2019. She began playing soccer as Julie Johnston, and she and her sister, Melanie, were standouts for Phoenix’s nationally known Sereno Soccer Club. College and pro soccer led her to a spot on the national women’s team, where Ertz is a capable offensive player, but her forte as a midfielder is defense; she led the United States to four shutouts in its seven World Cup matches, including a 2-0 victory over the Netherlands in the final, when Ertz totally shut down vaunted Dutch playmaker Daniëlle van de Donk.

Cardinals General Manager Steve Keim’s biggest mistakes may be the reason he still has a chance to remain employed. In 2018, Keim hired Steve Wilks as the team’s head coach and traded up to select quarterback Josh Rosen with the 10th pick of the first round of the NFL draft. Wilks was dismal, and Rosen never had a chance to succeed. Both are already gone, at considerable cost to the team, which finished 3-13 last season. You can’t blame all that on the Wilks and Rosen decisions, however. Keim has made plenty of other errors in judgment. Many of the team’s top draft picks were a disaster (where have you gone, Jonathan Cooper and Kevin Minter?), and the general manager left his team and new coach rudderless for five weeks last summer while serving a suspension for his extreme DUI conviction. But in the NFL, ineptitude pays: The Cardinals’ poor performance earned them the No. 1 pick in the 2019 draft, which they used to select Heisman Trophy winner and human mistake eraser Kyler Murray. His talent may just make Keim look like a smart man again.

When your station’s ratings are less than one-quarter of the other guy’s, why not pull a Hamilton and not throw away your shot? (Sports fans: We’re talking about Alexander Hamilton in the hit Broadway musical, not former Detroit guard Rip Hamilton.) That’s what Fox Sports Radio 910 AM’s Jody Oehler has been doing for the past year to his afternoon rival, John Gambadoro, the 2018 Best of Phoenix Best Sportscaster. Oehler has challenged the accuracy of some of Gambo’s reporting on Twitter, noting that the 98.7 talker said the Cardinals wouldn’t trade up to get Josh Rosen (they shouldn’t have, but we checked it out, and Gambo reported that if the Cards did move up it would be to get Rosen). Oehler also said that Gambo was wrong about the 2018 NBA draft, when the Suns moved up to take Mikal Bridges (smart move). Gambo, for his part, has ignored Oehler’s tweets, but at least Oehler’s tactics got him some space on The Athletic, a national sports website. If he really wants to make up some ground in drive time, though, maybe Oehler should either try a Jersey accent or work his “sawrces” as hard as the transplanted East Coaster does.

Listeners got a double bonus when Arizona Sports 98.7 FM expanded the Bickley & Marotta show from two to four hours last year. Not only did we get more time with this lively midday duo (and less with the B-Train, Bertrand Berry), but we also got free access to Dan Bickley’s insightful column, which had been hidden for years behind the azcentral.com paywall and on the pages of the Arizona Republic. (We will admit his nasal voice is best suited for print.) Part of what makes Bickley and Marotta so successful is that they don’t need to talk about successful sports teams to keep their audiences engaged. They are adept at entertaining us with lengthy discussions on celebrities, rock bands, and movies. What other sportscasting team can go mano a mano reciting lines from Caddyshack? Certainly, we need a few laughs after the way our pro sports teams have been performing — like rat farts.

Like we’ve said before, there’s no bad place in the Valley to see a spring training game, because if you’re there, it means you’re off work or on vacation, and you’re watching baseball. But let’s give props to Phoenix and the Milwaukee Brewers for their $60 million renovation of the facility formerly known as Maryvale Baseball Park. The upgrades include a new entrance and better parking. American Family Fields is also the most centrally located of all the Cactus League stadiums, the only one actually inside the Phoenix city limits. There are no bad seats in this cozy 10,000-seat park, and the experience includes a few authentic touches from Wisconsin, including Kent “Iceman” Meyer, a legendary beer hawker at games in Milwaukee who accompanies the team to spring training and greets fans with his signature cry, “The Iceman be in the house!” A brew is the perfect pairing with the park’s bratwursts slathered in Wisconsin’s famous beer brat red sauce. It’s a treat that rivals the Sonoran dog as the best in the Cactus League, putting the overhyped Dodger Dog to shame.