Best Place to Be an Idiot 2023 | Phoenix Idiotarod | Megalopolitan Life | Phoenix
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When it comes to gonzo events, absolutely nothing in the Valley is like the Phoenix Idiotarod. On one chaos-filled Saturday each February, gangs of self-proclaimed "idiots" dress in costumes and race custom-decorated shopping carts around downtown Phoenix in a massively madcap competition. Naturally, alcohol is involved. Equal parts urban prank, bar crawl, art spectacle and IRL episode of "Jackass," the Idiotarod is organized by the Arizona Cacophony Society and is the most drunken fun you can have in costume outside of a wild Halloween party. Here's the setup: Teams of five or more choose a theme inspired by pop culture or other subject matter and gear up both themselves and their cart. Hilarity ensues, as do inebriated antics. Over the next several hours, teams race to nearby bars and checkpoints, sabotage competing teams and engage in challenges like limbo dance-offs or dueling with inflatable penises. Is it scandalous and shocking? Frequently, but it's all in good fun. If you'd like to join these idiots in action, registrations open in January via the Society's website. Athleticism is optional, but enthusiasm, a warped sense of humor and a strong liver are all useful.

In our fast-paced world, parades seem awfully quaint. Which is why we love to slow down for a bit and take in the APS Electric Light Parade each year. At a time when the holidays make our crazy existence even crazier, we post up along Central Avenue and wait for the brightly lit vehicles to crawl by. We're not rushing to buy gifts or hurrying to a holiday party; the only thing we have to do in this moment is enjoy the company of whoever we're with, bask in the colors and the sounds and take in the crisp, late fall air. It's a welcome moment of relaxation and a wonderful way to usher in the holiday season.

It's hard to define what's helped forge Phoenix's identity. One of the most essential aspects of the Valley, though, has been its constant sense of evolution — the city's always growing and expanding in new and novel ways. There's no better way to experience that microcosm than with a ride west to east across Camelback Road from Central Avenue to 52nd Street (or thereabouts). Sure, there are lots of great bar and food options, not to mention shopping galore. But more than that, it's a powerful reminder of Phoenix's transformative streak as the city morphs rather quickly from midtown to the Biltmore and into Scottsdale in slightly longer than the blink of an eye. This drive is a perfect chance not only to spend a lazy evening cruising for fun and high jinks, but to see how the city's alive, the ways in which Phoenix continues to develop and what that ultimately means for its communities and its citizens. It's not a drive so much as it's a history lesson and a novel dissection of how Phoenix will come to be for its foreseeable future. So, take it real slow and be sure to absorb as much as you possibly can.

A tribute to the Internet's favorite gorilla in the middle of nowhere? It sounds totally bananas, but we ain't pulling any monkeyshines on you. Head north on Usery Pass Road just past 92nd Street and Mesa's city limits, and you'll encounter signs proclaiming that particular stretch of roadway has been adopted "In Memory of Harambe," the beloved western lowland silverback gorilla that became world famous and inspired countless memes after being shot and killed by a Cincinnati Zoo employee in 2016. There's no mention of who adopted the road or whether it was a heartfelt tribute to the noble beast or a jokey reference to Harambe's viral status (including the infamous "Dicks Out for Harambe" meme). We asked the Maricopa County Department of Transportation, which oversees the Adopt-a-Road program in unincorporated areas of the Valley, for more info, but they're mum on the subject. Regardless, whoever's adopted the road has held up their end of the bargain and kept it litter-free. Whether or not they had their junk out while doing so remains as much of a mystery as their identity.

Like a rock band that embarks on multiple farewell tours (we're looking at you, KISS), Metrocenter is now the recipient of two goodbye-themed Best of Phoenix awards. Back in 2020, we gave it Best Sendoff for the epic car cruise around its perimeter, a two-night event that drew thousands of nostalgic boomers and Gen-Xers who spent their adolescence bumming around the west Valley mall. After that, not much happened. But once news of its imminent demolition began to spread this past spring, one final (really final) event was planned to send Metrocenter into the Great Retail Beyond. In May, thousands attended "Metrocenter: A Fond Farewell," an event hosted by the city of Phoenix and the mall's owners. The free celebration included music, food and drink, kids' activities, a car show, photobooths, memory walls and a 1980s costume contest. It was a fitting tribute to a place that meant so much to generations of Phoenicians.

When the sun sets in Phoenix, the city is lit by the glow of neon. And our favorite glowing beacon is the so-called Diving Lady, who plunges nightly at the Starlite Motel in Mesa. Created in 1960, she was destroyed in an epic storm in 2010. The Mesa Preservation Foundation led the charge (and the fundraising effort) to restore the Diving Lady not just to its pre-storm state but to her original midcentury glory. After more than two years and $120,000, the restoration was complete, and the Diving Lady was back to beckoning motel customers. In a town awash with neon, she's certainly the queen bee.

Walking around downtown Phoenix at night, you can find plenty of art to take in, from murals to sculptures. But there's only one gigantic cloud-shaped structure suspended over the city. Since 2009, "Her Secret Is Patience" by Janet Echelman has loomed benevolently over the area now called Civic Space Park. It's constructed from steel, polyester twine netting and colored lights, giving the impression of a glowing cloud formation or perhaps a stationary tornado. It's an impressive enough piece during the day, when the bones of the project are visible, but it's best seen at night, when it lights up the city.

At rush hour, Grand Avenue is often clogged with traffic, from its eastern end in downtown Phoenix all the way out into the far stretches of the city in the West Valley. But there's hardly anything more satisfying than driving this unending boulevard at night, once you're the only car on the road. A trip down Grand Avenue is a trip through all the strange worlds of Phoenix: through the city's sprawling warehouse districts, past towers of rusting shipping containers and austere churches, strip clubs and fading murals. Whimsical art and fairy lights strung from trees mark the bustling Grand Avenue arts hub closer to downtown. On an overpass, for a moment, the Phoenix skyline is visible.

There's no one defining area of Phoenix — all these nooks and crannies we call neighborhoods represent the city's robust multifacetedness. That said, Roosevelt Row (that's Roosevelt Street effectively from Seventh Avenue to Seventh Street) feels like the best-case example for a singular Phoenix experience. That breezy 1-mile jaunt will take you past a slew of art galleries, celebrated venues like The Nash, heaps of bars and restaurants (like Carly's Bistro) and gorgeous historic homes dating back to the 1920s (or earlier). Roosevelt Row is perhaps the best example of what happens when Phoenix's arts, food and nightlife scenes are perfectly united in the most accessible ways possible. Plus, this stroll, paired with the right winter or spring weather, is the best way to experience Phoenix's unique culture and heritage in a way that aligns with whatever your game plan may be that evening. It's a means to feel connected in a very real way and to see the heart of Phoenix that you couldn't get in a full drive across the city proper. So grab your best shoes — be they sneakers or high heels — and get to walking.

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