MYSTERY DATE

“It’s like a Hollywood B-movie,” mutters the main character of A Pure Formality of his situation. Well, it is and it isn’t. Hollywood B-pictures rarely–occasionally, but rarely–have the visual beauty or atmosphere of this Italian production, and very few pictures have actors of the caliber of this film’s leads, Girard…

SURELY, THEY JOUST

Without seeing First Knight again–which I’m in no rush to–I can’t be sure, but I thought I heard King Arthur say, “Nope.” Somebody asks a question of Arthur, played by Sean Connery, and he responds in the negative by saying “nope.” If I heard wrong, then my apologies to Connery,…

MY MOTHER, THE CARNIVORE

Species is a sci-fi horror picture that’s good for a few laughs because, first of all, it’s atrocious, and, secondly, because it has an unbecomingly obvious psychological subtext. This movie made by men is about, to put it crudely, bitches in heat. A la the three Alien films, the monster’s…

OKIE DOKEY

On March 31, 55 years ago, the golden age of the American musical was born. It is easy to imagine the shiver the audience must have experienced on that opening night, when the houselights went down and, without an overture, the curtain rose on a farmhouse and a windmill etched…

STRANGE CREW

In Search and Destroy, Griffin Dunne plays Martin, a wormy little bush-league promoter in Boca Raton, Florida. The town’s name translates as “Mouth of the Rat,” and Martin does seem like something that crawled out of such a place. He owes thousands in back taxes, he’s on the outs with…

RETRO ROCKET

The extent to which real life has surpassed the science fiction that many of us read as kids can be quite disorienting. Director Ron Howard’s new film Apollo 13 is an epic true-life space odyssey, and it’s also a period piece. The central character, Jim Lovell (Tom Hanks), is one…

MOM-AND-POP ART

“When you photograph me, I feel everything leave me. The blood drains from my face, my eyelids droop, my thoughts disappear. I can feel my facial muscles go limp. All you have to do is to give me that one cue, ‘Don’t smile,’ and zap. Nothing. That’s what you get…

BIBLE BELTER

Forget Las Vegas! Fly over to Gammage Auditorium instead. You’ll lose your frequent-flier miles, but you’ll catch the most scintillating flash of flesh the law will allow. I’m speaking, of course, of that simple children’s Bible tale, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. If, like most of us, you’d love…

LOVE TRY ANGLE

“The time has come to speak of love,” the Narrator solemnly tells us. “The lover and the beloved come from different countries. The curt truth is that in a deep, secret way, the state of being beloved is intolerable to many; for the lover craves any possible relation with the…

SIGH HARD

One of the production entities claiming responsibility in the opening titles for writer-director Hal Hartley’s film Amateur calls itself “True Fiction Pictures.” Probably this is meant as a slap at the current rage for Pulp Fiction. Indeed, if Quentin Tarantino’s film is the movie equivalent of the hard-boiled crime books,…

PIPE DREAMS

Smoke is set in a cigar shop, and the title also makes reference to that which many of the characters blow for much of the film. Written by novelist Paul Auster and directed by Wayne Wang, the film interweaves several story lines around a linking device, as in Twenty Bucks…

THE NIGHT OF THE GUANO

The third of Warner Bros.’ Wagnerian Batman films has arrived–it could have been titled Die Fledermaus, Part III. Batman Forever has a new director and a new star in the title role, and before we launch into a debate about their comparative merits, we would probably do well to remember…

THE PRINCESS AND THE PC

When I asked a friend of mine, a devoted Disney-head, if he wanted to join me for a screening of Pocahontas, to my surprise, he declined, muttering, “I don’t know about that movie. It looks a little PC for my taste.” For several reasons, his being one, I think that…

BEREAVE IT OR NOT

A couple of things really pissed me off when I turned 50: It wasn’t enough that my junk mail started to include weekly solicitations to join AARP, I had to buy glasses from the drugstore to read them. If that didn’t make you smile, you probably won’t enjoy Ivan Menchell’s…

TROTH OR CONSEQUENCES

In 1918, the orphaned teenager Riyo leaves Japan for Hawaii and an arranged marriage. She knows her new husband Matsuji only from a letter, in which he calls himself a sugar-cane farmer and addresses a romantic haiku to her, and from his photograph–the grinning, good-looking face of a 20-year-old. When…

MONDO HOMO

The Valley Art Third Annual Gay and Lesbian Film Festival starts this week in Tempe. In the first two selections, the themes of homosexuality and lesbianism, while important, are not the main subject. One is a stark feminist passion play about the religious oppression of women, and the other is…

GORILLAS IN THE MISS

“Herkermer Homolka; hi, hello.” So says Tim Curry’s character in Congo, introducing himself with admirable alliteration. Herkermer is a Rumanian fortune hunter obsessed with finding the mines of King Solomon, and his eyes gleam as he makes assertions like, “Thees korilla has seen de Lost Ceety of Zeenj!” Wrapping words…

THE RULES ACCORDING TO HOYLE

Arizona Theatre Company has joined Actors Theatre of Phoenix by ending the season not with a bang, but saving a buck. Both theatres concluded the year with one-man shows. Last month, ATP gave us An Evening With Groucho, and now we have an opportunity for theatrical dj vu. Actually, ATC’s…

ROUGH CUT

As Hollywood satire, Swimming With Sharks is nothing particularly new. It’s The Player mixed with David Mamet’s Speed-the-Plow and a perverse pinch of Reservoir Dogs–Tinseltown bile and a drop or two of blood. This small film is worth seeing, though, for the cleanly written, bitchy dialogue by George Huang, and…

KITSCH 22

There are movie columns that come free from the neon-lighted glare of the multiplex lobby, from the sweet smell of a thousand spilled kernels of stale popcorn. This is one of them. In June of 1995, I’m at my desk, looking at the blinking cursor on the computer screen before…