BALLAD OF THE SOD CAFE

Ireland’s Black Rose, 4341 North 75th Street, Scottsdale, 941-0040. Hours: Monday through Friday, 11 a.m. to 1 a.m.; Saturday and Sunday, 5 p.m. to 1 a.m. Almost 1,600 years ago, Saint Patrick converted Ireland’s heathens to Christianity and drove all the snakes into the sea. But before the pope sent…

DEUTSCH DIGGER

Felsen Haus, 1008 East Camelback, Phoenix, 277-1119. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Saturday, 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m.; Dinner, Monday through Saturday, 4 p.m. to closing; Sunday, noon to closing. If Family Feud surveyed 100 people with the question, “Name something associated with Germany,” I suspect the top half-dozen answers would…

BUN APPETIT

Wolfie’s, 5010 East Shea, Phoenix, 991-0707. Hours: Monday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.; Saturday, 8 a.m. to 11 p.m.; Sunday, 8 a.m. to 10 p.m. Remember the most memorable hamburger you ever had? Lee Iacocca does. In his best-selling autobiography, he lovingly…

I, OF THE NOODLE

Un-Bacio Ristorante, 4400 North Scottsdale Road, Scottsdale, 994-0606. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Friday, 11:30 a.m. to 3 p.m.; Dinner, Monday through Friday, 4:30 to 11:30 p.m.; Saturday, 4 p.m. to midnight; Sunday, 4 to 10:30 p.m. Great scientific theories that upset conventional thinking require lots of research before the world…

WINNER IS SERVED

Jerome’s, 4503 Paradise Road, Las Vegas, 1-702-792-9539. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Saturday, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.; Dinner, seven days a week, 5 to 11 p.m. Every Super Bowl weekend, I make a male-bonding, gambling-and-eating pilgrimage to Las Vegas with two old buddies. This is the neon forest primeval, where…

DOGIE BAG

T-Bone Steak House, 10037 South 19th Avenue, Phoenix, 276-0945. Hours: 5 to 11 p.m., seven days a week. All over the country, people pick up on the little clues that signal the change of seasons. Back East, for example, autumn is on the way when the nights turn brisk and…

BREWS IN THE NIGHT

Hops! Bistro and Brewery, 7000 East Camelback, Scottsdale, 945-HOPS. Hours: Lunch, 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m., seven days a week; Dinner, Sunday through Wednesday, 5:30 to 10 p.m.; Thursday through Saturday, 5:30 to 10:30 p.m. You have to wonder about the state of American education. My kids may not be…

THE PERSIAN GULP

Haji-Baba, 1513 East Apache, Tempe, 894-1905. Hours: Monday through Saturday, 11:30 a.m. to 8 p.m.; Sunday, noon to 6 p.m. When you walk into any marketplace in the Middle East, you’re likely to be assaulted. But not by thugs, terrorists or revolutionaries, those staples of television news, pulp fiction and…

CART IN THE ACT

Great Wall, 5055 North 35th Avenue, Phoenix, 973-1112. Dim Sum Hours: Monday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 3 p.m.; Saturday and Sunday, 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. There are three times in life when you should choose your partner very carefully: when you get married, when you climb Mount Everest…

THE FIXE IS IN

Todd’s, 8380 East Via de Ventura, Scottsdale, 443-9100. Hours: Lunch, Tuesday through Sunday, 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.; Dinner, Tuesday through Sunday, 5 to 11 p.m. Everyone starts the new year with high hopes. Horse trainers who can outrun their 3-year-old nags think about the Kentucky Derby. Unpublished novelists stand…

COCINA ROYALE

Casa Carmen, 6840 North 35th Avenue, Phoenix, 973-8556. Hours: Sunday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. The hustle and bustle of the holidays are just about over, and I’ve got a long list of things I don’t want to see again…

THE JAZZ SLINGER

Timothy’s, 6335 North 16th Street, Phoenix, 277-7634. Hours: Dinner, 5 p.m. to midnight, seven days a week. A.J. Liebling, the great New Yorker wit, once spun out his version of the ultimate male fantasy. The first part of the evening naturally involved a cooperative young blonde. After a passionate session,…

THE BRADY MUNCH

CasseRoley’s, 8021 East Roosevelt, Scottsdale, 945-0198. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Saturday, 11 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.; Dinner, Monday through Saturday, 5 to 9 p.m. I’m a Dan Quayle, family-oriented sort of guy. Our family bond is tight, our values firm. My wife and I both agree, for example, that we…

A DIFFERENT SCHOOL OF THOUGHT

Sitting in a defensive-driving class the other day, I was reminded of those Raymond Carver short stories. You know the ones I mean. Everything is so calm and ordinary, but the surface only covers a desperate unhappiness. At any rate, I was there because I am one of the city’s…

HAVANA WONDERFUL TIME

Havana Patio Cafe, 6245 East Bell Road, Phoenix, 991-1496. Hours: Tuesday through Saturday, 11:30 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Sunday, noon to 9 p.m. In these politically correct times, everyone knows Columbus didn’t discover the New World–he stumbled onto it. He and those who sailed after him shared a common human…

OY MEETS GRILL

Kibitz Delicatessen and Restaurant, 430 East Bell Road, Phoenix, 548-1918. Hours: Tuesday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 8 p.m.; Saturday and Sunday, 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. A receding hairline and an expanding paunch are not the only signs of growing older. I look in the mirror and ask: What…

PASTA MANANA

Il Forno, 4225 East Camelback, Phoenix, 952-1522. Hours: 11 a.m. to 11 p.m., seven days a week. Uh-oh. Whenever I hear the mandolin strains of “Santa Lucia” and “Come Back to Sorrento” as I enter an Italian pasta restaurant, I’ve not only got a fix on the decor and menu,…

RED, WHITE & BLUE PLATE SPECIAL

Landmark Restaurant, 809 West Main, Mesa, 962-4652. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Friday, 11:30 a.m. to 2 p.m.; Dinner, Monday through Saturday, 4 to 9 p.m.; Sunday, noon to 7 p.m. Do you ever get tired of rich French sauces? Do you recoil from spicy Szechuan cuisine? Do Indian curries turn…

THE MIDDLE–AGED MAN AND THE SEA

Famous Pacific Fish Company, 4321 North Scottsdale Road, Scottsdale, 941-0602. Hours: Monday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.; Sunday, noon to 10 p.m. “Mais, non,” cried my Parisian friend, Yann, when I sketched out our vacation eating plans. “Don’t even think…

HOG HEAVEN

Mr. T’s Bar-B-Q, 1539 East Buckeye, Phoenix, 256-9322. Hours: Tuesday through Saturday, 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Growing up Jewish in a kosher home, I never saw pork, except for Sunday nights at the Chinese restaurant. After college I moved away, spending five years teaching in Muslim countries, where pork…

SEINE ASYLUM

Jean-Claude’s Petit Cafe, 7340 East Shoeman, Scottsdale, 947-5288. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Friday, 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.; Dinner, Monday through Saturday, 6 to 11 p.m. I wonder if Ferdinand Marcos remembered the first time he took Imelda shoe shopping. Does Jim Bakker recollect the day he let the Avon…

BABES IN THAILAND

Royal Barge, 8220 North Hayden, Scottsdale, 443-1953. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Friday, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.; Dinner, Sunday through Thursday, 5 to 9:30 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 5 to 10 p.m. Remember Joanne Woodward in The Three Faces of Eve? She won an Oscar depicting a woman with multiple…