COCINA ROYALE

Casa Carmen, 6840 North 35th Avenue, Phoenix, 973-8556. Hours: Sunday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. The hustle and bustle of the holidays are just about over, and I’ve got a long list of things I don’t want to see again…

THE JAZZ SLINGER

Timothy’s, 6335 North 16th Street, Phoenix, 277-7634. Hours: Dinner, 5 p.m. to midnight, seven days a week. A.J. Liebling, the great New Yorker wit, once spun out his version of the ultimate male fantasy. The first part of the evening naturally involved a cooperative young blonde. After a passionate session,…

THE BRADY MUNCH

CasseRoley’s, 8021 East Roosevelt, Scottsdale, 945-0198. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Saturday, 11 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.; Dinner, Monday through Saturday, 5 to 9 p.m. I’m a Dan Quayle, family-oriented sort of guy. Our family bond is tight, our values firm. My wife and I both agree, for example, that we…

A DIFFERENT SCHOOL OF THOUGHT

Sitting in a defensive-driving class the other day, I was reminded of those Raymond Carver short stories. You know the ones I mean. Everything is so calm and ordinary, but the surface only covers a desperate unhappiness. At any rate, I was there because I am one of the city’s…

HAVANA WONDERFUL TIME

Havana Patio Cafe, 6245 East Bell Road, Phoenix, 991-1496. Hours: Tuesday through Saturday, 11:30 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Sunday, noon to 9 p.m. In these politically correct times, everyone knows Columbus didn’t discover the New World–he stumbled onto it. He and those who sailed after him shared a common human…

OY MEETS GRILL

Kibitz Delicatessen and Restaurant, 430 East Bell Road, Phoenix, 548-1918. Hours: Tuesday through Friday, 10 a.m. to 8 p.m.; Saturday and Sunday, 7 a.m. to 8 p.m. A receding hairline and an expanding paunch are not the only signs of growing older. I look in the mirror and ask: What…

PASTA MANANA

Il Forno, 4225 East Camelback, Phoenix, 952-1522. Hours: 11 a.m. to 11 p.m., seven days a week. Uh-oh. Whenever I hear the mandolin strains of “Santa Lucia” and “Come Back to Sorrento” as I enter an Italian pasta restaurant, I’ve not only got a fix on the decor and menu,…

RED, WHITE & BLUE PLATE SPECIAL

Landmark Restaurant, 809 West Main, Mesa, 962-4652. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Friday, 11:30 a.m. to 2 p.m.; Dinner, Monday through Saturday, 4 to 9 p.m.; Sunday, noon to 7 p.m. Do you ever get tired of rich French sauces? Do you recoil from spicy Szechuan cuisine? Do Indian curries turn…

THE MIDDLE–AGED MAN AND THE SEA

Famous Pacific Fish Company, 4321 North Scottsdale Road, Scottsdale, 941-0602. Hours: Monday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.; Sunday, noon to 10 p.m. “Mais, non,” cried my Parisian friend, Yann, when I sketched out our vacation eating plans. “Don’t even think…

HOG HEAVEN

Mr. T’s Bar-B-Q, 1539 East Buckeye, Phoenix, 256-9322. Hours: Tuesday through Saturday, 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. Growing up Jewish in a kosher home, I never saw pork, except for Sunday nights at the Chinese restaurant. After college I moved away, spending five years teaching in Muslim countries, where pork…

SEINE ASYLUM

Jean-Claude’s Petit Cafe, 7340 East Shoeman, Scottsdale, 947-5288. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Friday, 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.; Dinner, Monday through Saturday, 6 to 11 p.m. I wonder if Ferdinand Marcos remembered the first time he took Imelda shoe shopping. Does Jim Bakker recollect the day he let the Avon…

BABES IN THAILAND

Royal Barge, 8220 North Hayden, Scottsdale, 443-1953. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Friday, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.; Dinner, Sunday through Thursday, 5 to 9:30 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 5 to 10 p.m. Remember Joanne Woodward in The Three Faces of Eve? She won an Oscar depicting a woman with multiple…

THE FULLER BRUNCH MAN

The Restaurant, 2401 East Camelback (the Ritz-Carlton), Phoenix, 468-0700. Hours: Sunday Brunch, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m. As I strolled into the Restaurant, the Ritz-Carlton’s tony Sunday brunch spot, I had to fight the desire to make sure that my shoes were tied, my zipper zipped and my wallet secure…

Rah Deals

Players Bar & Grill, 455 North Third Street (Arizona Center), Phoenix, 252-6222. Hours: Sunday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. There are plenty of places in the Valley where you can get some eats and watch a football game in comfort…

HAPPILY EVER AFGHAN

Chopandaz Afghani Cuisine, 1849 North Scottsdale Road, Tempe, 947-4396. Hours: Lunch, Tuesday through Friday, 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.; Dinner, Tuesday through Sunday, 5 to 10 p.m. Some years ago, I happened to be riding a bus in northern Iran headed toward the Afghanistan border. It was winter. The weather…

COOK’EM DANO

Scenic Mirage, 1290 North Scottsdale Road, Tempe, 894-0460. Hours: Monday through Saturday, 5 to 10 p.m.; Sunday, noon to 9 p.m. My mother-in-law taught me everything I know about Hawaii. But I’m caught in a time warp, since her knowledge comes from childhood memories as an Army brat who left…

FIT TO BE TIDE

C-Fu Gourmet, 6438 South McClintock, Tempe, 831-8899. Hours: Sunday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 11 a.m. to 2 a.m. The car needs a $500 engine repair. It’s September and still beastly hot. I’ve just received the 20-month payment schedule from my kid’s orthodontist. Six months…

THE ACCIDENTAL TURISTA

Dos Flamingos, 10155 East Via Linda, Scottsdale, 391-0460. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Friday, 11 a.m. to 3 p.m.; Dinner, Monday through Sunday, 4 to 10 p.m. What makes America’s great cities great? Museums? Sure. Nightlife? Absolutely. Cosmopolitan bustle? Of course. But most of all, great cities are identified with distinctive…

CURIOUS GORGE

Nick’s Cuisine of Southern Europe, 3717 East Indian School, 955-5225. Hours: 7 a.m. to 1 a.m., seven days a week. Back in ninth grade, Mr. Brodsky assigned our English class Charles Dickens’ mammoth novel David Copperfield. Although we had three weeks’ notice, I didn’t bother picking up the book until…

PEAK PERFORMANCE

8700, 8700 East Pinnacle Peak Road, Scottsdale, 994-8700. Hours: Dinner, Monday through Sunday, 6 to 10 p.m. Isaac Newton proved mathematically what people know instinctively: Bodies at rest tend to remain at rest. That’s why most people prefer to live near work, make friends close to home and marry the…

THE LOX WEEKEND

Chompie’s, 10858 North 32nd Street, Phoenix, 971-8010. Hours: Sunday, 7 a.m. to 5 p.m.; Monday, 7 a.m. to 3 p.m.; Tuesday, 7 a.m. to 4 p.m.; Wednesday, 7 a.m. to 6 p.m.; Thursday and Saturday, 7 a.m. to 8 p.m.; Friday, 7 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. Without rituals, anthropologists tell…

ROMAN HOLIDAY

La Fontanella, 4231 East Indian School, Phoenix, 955-1213. Hours: Lunch, Tuesday through Friday, 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.; Dinner, Tuesday through Saturday, 4:30 to 10 p.m. For two years, my wife and I lived in a remote Peace Corps outpost on the fringes of the Sahara Desert. During that time,…