ACHY BREAKY STEAK

Handlebar-J, 7116 East Becker, Scottsdale, 948-0110. Hours: Monday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 11 a.m. to 12:30 a.m.; Sunday, 4 to 11 p.m. My mama didn’t let her baby grow up to be a cowboy. The only headgear I ever sported was a navy-and-white New…

PLEASE, SIR, CAN I HAVE SUMO?

Ayako of Tokyo, 2564 East Camelback (Biltmore Fashion Park), 955-7007. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Friday, 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.; Dinner, Monday through Thursday, 5:30 to 10 p.m.; Friday and Saturday, 5:30 to 10:30 p.m.; Sunday, 5 to 9:30 p.m. For 23 years, I’ve had a grudge against Japanese restaurants…

CHIMI SWEEP

Minga’s, 4323 West Cactus, Phoenix, 978-5167. Hours: Sunday through Thursday, 11 a.m. to 9:30 p.m.; Friday, 11 a.m. to 11 p.m.; Saturday, 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Deep-thinking book reviewers don’t delve into the latest Harlequin romance to keep up with fiction’s cutting edge. Music critics don’t analyze the latest…

TANDOOR VITTLES

Delhi Palace, 5050 East McDowell, Phoenix, 244-8181. Hours: Lunch, Monday through Friday, 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m.; Saturday and Sunday, 11:30 a.m. to 4:30 p.m.; Dinner, 5 to 10 p.m., seven days a week. Remember the old commercial, “Is it true blondes have more fun”? And the woman who beseeched…

SWISS BOOM BAH

The Swiss and Dutch have a centuries-old reputation for precision work, sharp business sense and a passion for order. The burghers’ stolid, middle-class virtues of frugality, sobriety and diligence have brought them international leadership in banking and commerce. Their governments run as smoothly as handcrafted Swiss watches. Much of the…

SILENCE OF THE CLAMS

She’s back. The scourge of restaurants is making her annual visit to the Valley. Eateries around the country know my mother as the Will Rogers of dining–she never met a meal she didn’t like to send back. And the place had better be clean. To my mother, Chanel #5 is…

SOUTH PACIFIC

You have to leave the beach sometime. Here are other recommendations for when you do. BREAKFAST: For an early-morning breakfast, with ocean breeze and view, pop over to Kirby’s in Del Mar, 215 15th Street, 1-619-481-1001. Sit up on the new deck, grab a newspaper and inhale the sea air…

WHOLLY CAL!

You want dramatic scenery? Arizona’s got it. You want an azure sky? Arizona’s got it. You want a cool ocean breeze? Arizona doesn’t got it. That’s why a half-million summer-baked Zonies trek across mountain and desert to reach San Diego and exclaim, “This is the place!” But vacationing Zonies don’t…

GRECIAN YEARN

Most Americans’ ideas about Greece, like their ideas about almost everything else, have been shaped by the movies. In Never on Sunday and Zorba the Greek, zesty, fun-loving Greeks seem to do little except dance, make love and toss endless amounts of dinnerware against cafe walls. After visiting a couple…

WON TON A BANDON

The grazer’s edge: China Doll’s dim sum adds up to total My less-adventurous friends have always suspected that “dim sum” is Chinese for “duck feet in a steamed bun.” Steamed buns are indeed a staple on the dim sum menu. And an occasional dish does contain a suspiciously webbed piece…

HAUTE SPOTS

“Give me the luxuries,” said Oscar Wilde, “and I will dispense with the necessities.” We recently put Wilde’s theory to the test at two of the Valley’s poshest eateries. Each features an entrepreneurial young chef with a national reputation. And both will inflict a king-size beating on your wallet. At…

THE MARINARA-GO-ROUND

What do you call a neighborhood Italian joint featuring friendly service, good value and solid, occasionally outstanding food? These days I’d call it a miracle. The old-fashioned family Italian restaurant seems to be going the way of the family farm. Now, recipes get their first tests in the accounting department,…

CARNIVORE CRUISE

Sometimes a man’s got to do what a man’s got to do. Fifty weeks a year I suppress all the instincts that Freud warned us about. Instead, I sublimate them through dutiful rounds of household activities: shopping for groceries, cleaning the pool and chauffeuring the kids. But every six months…

TABASCO ROAD

I wish I were born on the bayou. Not that I can’t do without a few of the area’s less-savory features: man-eating alligators, sticky heat and David Duke. But Cajun food just might be this country’s best regional cuisine. Four hundred years ago, the Cajuns’ ancestors left France and moved…

CONTEMPT OF FOOD COURT

My visiting mother-in-law gave out a low moan. My next foray, I had just told her, would not take us to posh resorts, cozy bistros or funky ethnic joints. Instead, I was going to eat my way through the food court at Arizona Center, from A to . I welcomed…

ARROZ BY ANY OTHER NAME

I feel like the baseball scout who spotted Willie Mays playing sandlot ball. Or the producer who caught Meryl Streep acting in a college drama. While I haven’t been looking for love in all the wrong places, as the song says, I certainly haven’t been looking in the right places…

GRILLS IN THE MIDST

The main dish has always been my least favorite part of a restaurant meal. Give me some warm bread right out of the oven, and a zesty salad with lots of greens, onions, mushrooms, tomatoes and a zippy homemade dressing. Let me nibble on hot wings, pan-fried dumplings, crispy pakora,…

MEE KROB RUNNETH OVER

Absorbing with gentle Buddhist harmony the fragrances of India and the flavors of China, Thai cuisine no longer seems as foreign as a snowplow to most Valley residents. Over the past 15 years, it has given Chinese food a stiff run for the Asian-restaurant dollar. How have exotic ingredients like…

KIBITZ AND BITS

Call me the deli lama. My temple is the New York deli. I’ve downed enough matzo balls, stuffed cabbage and corned beef that I could be hung above the deli counter, next to the Hebrew National salami. Pictures of me as a teenager confirm it: I looked like a knish…

BINGE AND SPLURGE

Spending a week’s worth of grocery money on one meal is a great way to fuel what economists call “negative revenue enhancement.” But sometimes I yearn for water glasses filled with Evian, napkins refolded if I step away from the table and used cutlery whisked away by waiters who are…

PRETTY GOOD, BUT NOT SO HOT

If you’re Jewish and from New York, you know three things. Guilt. Suffering. Chinese food. My earliest memories go back to Sunday evenings, when my family, abandoning with pagan intensity all the strict dietary provisions of keeping kosher, always went out for Chinese food. On one memorable occasion, guilt, suffering…

FERN CORRESPONDENT

The singles-bar scene isn’t exactly my home turf. The last time I made a serious foray was before Danny Partridge started dating. But I’d heard the scene at a couple of Valley after-work mating grounds could jump-start anyone’s battery. So on a recent Friday night, I dragged along my friend…