Thanks, KKKramer! Nothing like a lil’ racism to boost sales. See what race-baiting does? You get caught on a cell-phone camera yelling the N-word at audience members, and suddenly your DVD sales are up 75%. That’s the deal with season seven of Seinfeld post Kramer freak-out, and it’s one reason…
www.fermier.com Christopher Gross: What’s in a name? Check out what Maricopa County’s Environmental Services had to say about much-ballyhooed Frenchified grub-shack Christopher’s Fermier Brasserie last month on November 21: “Sufficient water supply not available”; and, “Sewage present in establishment.” No wonder the inspector immediately suspended Christopher’s license to operate, shutting…
www.tempe12.com This Tempe 12 squalie earns an A+, though not all do. OK, so this is basically a made-up controversy that would hardly be worth blogging about if it were not for all the hot chicks involved. Seems the owners of Tempe 12, a business that produces calendars of college…
www.onewordlong.com Ryan Avery: Man-Child in the Promised Land… Nothing steamrolls over one’s enemies like success. And as sure as the moon is pockmarked like Artie Lange’s buttcheeks, I can promise you that pudgy performance-artist/rocker Ryan Avery will one day be trading quips with Conan O’Brien while the limp-dicks at AZPunk.com…
The little boy was perched atop a plastic mountain, the highest point at the Princess Playground, the name my girls and I have for the indoor play area at Scottsdale Fashion Square. The small space was crowded that afternoon, but you couldn’t miss the boy. Even though my daughters Annabelle…
Ever since drug-testing colossus Covance announced its Chandler invasion, this selfish sandpiper’s generally sided with the biotech behemoth, which does federal-mandated animal testing of drug compounds headed to market. Sure, this feathered fiend cares for the animal kingdom’s other species. But if it comes down to a choice between a…
I was flipping through my television when I noticed the Spanish-language channel showed a man in a red suit with yellow pants, antennae on his head, and a heart with the letters “CH” on his chest. It appeared to be a sitcom, and all the characters related to the insect…
Core Values The “lack of vision” thing: Megan Irwin and Robrt L. Pela wrote very insightful articles (“Wrecking Phoenix,” November 23). It is a great relief to hear independent voices that question our current “path of progress.” The sensation of being surrounded by bobbleheads that can only nod as ridiculous…
“Dark, but happy, little sprites dance around the forest under the trees,” I tell my daughter. The story goes on, and I try to keep the tale steps ahead of my inquisitive daughter. My five-year-old chimes in, adding her visions to my story, attempting to redirect my tale back to…
William “Fucking” Reed: His middle name ain’t “Fucking” for nothin’. We at the New Times, being the bad boys (and girls) of journalism, want to reward those at Get Out attempting to breathe some life into that moribund institution. Why? Well, because we know G.O.’s editors are generally a buncha…
www.eastvalleytribune.com The Trib’s not-so-edgy Get Out, pulled for “fucking.” Quiz time, ladies and germs: What old Anglo-Saxon word just cost the East Valley Tribune (owned by Freedom Communications, Inc.) $12,000? Here’s a clue: it rhymes with schmuck, and only a schmuck would pay $12K for it. I’m talking about the…
www.venganza.org Blessed be his holy name… News Flash, Friends and Fiends of the Feathered Bastard: Though I’ve heretofore self-pigeonholed myself as an agnostic with pro-atheist leanings, I’ve recently received a vision, and am now declaring myself a holy Imam in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Henceforth, before I…
Keep your effin’ religion to yourself, no matter what it is… Ever since US Airways kicked six Muslim religious leaders off a flight bound for Phoenix, I’ve had a lot of fun watching various wing-nuts chastise the imams for praying a little too loudly and obviously to Allah. Rib-ticklin’ stuff,…
from CNA’s web site, Sandy Summers, eat your heart out… Of this week’s Bird items, the one closest to my evil lil’ cardiac muscle is the victory over the forces of political correctness by “Dr. Jon” Basso owner of Tempe’s Heart Attack Grill, where artery clogging ground round is served…
This pigskin-lovin’ pelican knows it’s all about winnin’ on the gridiron. But even this point-spread-obsessed avian draws the line at — gulp — murder. Not so Arizona State University Athletic Director Lisa Love, who finally handed ASU head coach Dirk Koetter his trotting papers. This after the Sun Devils’ 28-14…
Dear Readers: Many kind, drunken words from ustedes regarding my November 16 column proclaiming Mexicans and Irish “brothers in depravity.” Let’s start with a wab: Man, did you make me laugh with “leprecanos.” I never had more fun on Cinco de Mayo than I did in 1974 in a Cambridge,…
Stinks on ICE Frankenstein’s agency: Thank you for your very accurate article regarding the disaster known as ICE (“Meltdown,” Ray Stern, November 16). I recently left ICE (I tell friends that I “abandoned a sinking ship”!) as a group supervisor to accept a position at another federal agency. I started…
If anyone should have an easy time opening a business in a cool old building downtown, it’s Matt Pool. After all, Pool got his start managing Bar Bianco for his sister, Susan, and her partner, Chris Bianco, in an old house (the neoclassical Thomas House, built in 1909, to be…
In a city like Phoenix, it’s almost too easy to be cynical about the future. If you listen to the talk out there, downtown Phoenix is on the verge of a comeback — though really, it’s never been anything great. So maybe the message is more that Phoenix is on…
Photograph from Pink Box (Abrams Books). � Joan Sinclair Another satisfied customer… This past Sunday afternoon prior to climbing in the car for the six hour trek back to P-town, I enjoyed a satisfying nosh at Little Tokyo’s Curry House at Weller Court, then waddled over to the Kinokinuya Japanese…
Santa feels your pain… The problem with Xmas, as I see it, is that I’d rather just keep my money and buy myself whatever the fuck I want. But we’re not allowed to do that. Even if you’re born Jewish, Muslim, agnostic or atheist, your chances of escaping the clutches…
The cursed arm of Claude de Lorraine… All photos by Megumi Akiyama. Pickled punks: They go great with pastrami and a lil’ mustard. Embalmed clown Achile Chatouilleu, under glass, for your protection. The skull of the world’s smallest Freemason… Behold! The “Barnum of Burbank Boulevard.” The Nostradumbass of North Hollywood…
