Is that Gary Busey in The Buddy Holly Story? Nah, it’s Ankarlo, happy as a pig in a turd pond after lickin’ Arpaio’s wingtips. So the Mormon-owned 92.3 FM KTAR didn’t waste much time showing the world what they’re all about with their new FM frequency by planting their premium…
More hot nurses that CNA copped from the U.K.’s Sun tabloid. Anyone doubting the Heart Attack Grill’s triumphant victory over the forces of political correctness as led by the speech police at the Maryland-based Center for Nursing Advocacy should check out the updates at HAG’s website. The page touts recent…
A common bedbug, Cimex lectularius, perhaps munchin’ out on Alison Trainer’s ass? When I first read this story online, I thought it said that Oprah got bedbugs from Paris Hilton. Then I stopped eating my toejam and reread it, “Opera singer sues Hilton claiming bedbugs attacked her.” Seems the opera…
Address Code Selectively enforcing the law: Brilliant tactic to run that embarrassing fool Joe Arpaio’s home address on the front page of New Times (“Joe Strikes Back,” The Bird, Stephen Lemons, December 21). I’ve never laughed so hard as when I saw his bulbous red nose on that stamp. All…
Dear Readers: Bienvenidos to 2007, a year I promise will bring even more Mexicans across our nation’s borders! And a bienvenidos to Salt Lake City Weekly, the latest member of the Mexican’s family (note to weak-kneed publishers: If a rag in Utah can run this column, why can’t yours?). As…
http://www.danacarvey.net/ “Former President Gerald Ford was eaten by wolves. He was delicious.” I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy to see an ex-Prez get planted. Despite the nonstop eulogizing that has gone on for the last week, the ceaseless yapping about how Ford was a decent guy, and gosh-darnit,…
Yo, Lani, got a last-minute Xmas gift for ya… What pisses me off more than PHX light-rail construction, Mayor Phil “I’m a Pissant” Gordon, and the fact that most P-town restaurants close before 10pm? Answer: Tards who write me letters calling me a cross between Satan and Sasquatch, while using…
Heh, not every gal has one of these… No surprise that this week’s issue of the PHX gay-lesbian rag Echo includes a news story on the feud between Tom Anderson of Anderson’s Fifth Estate and local “diversity activist” Michele De Lafreniere. Nor was it a surprise that Echo essentially echoed…
Fernwood 2Nite’s Barth Gimble (Martin Mull, left) and Jerry Hubbard (Fred Willard, right). Think Greg Patterson’s a fan? How do you know when someone’s brain has been gnawed away by provincialism? I’m not talking about reporting or discussing local events, restaurants, bars, happenings, etc. All of that’s fair game, whether…
It’s six o’clock on a Friday evening, and Dennis Chiesa hasn’t seen a customer in his record shop for more than three hours. The cozy little store, Tracks in Wax, is nestled in an aging strip mall between a hair salon and a psychic, just south of Camelback Road on…
Loan company AHELA
The Mexican is currently inside a trunk trying to sneak back into the United States after the Christmas holiday. Meanwhile, here are some oldies-but-goldies: A friend of mine calls Mexicans “wabs” but, being a menso, doesn’t even know what it means — except that it’s not P.C. What’s it mean?…
Letters to the editor
Talk about The Crying Game! For the past month, Scottsdale club owner Tom Anderson of Anderson’s Fifth Estate and local “diversity activist” Michele De Lafreniere have been engaged in an epic donnybrook of penile proportions. Seems De Lafreniere has been kickin’ up a shit storm after being tossed out of…
Can someone cue Billy Idol’s “Dancing with Myself,” please? This is so amazingly retarded that I couldn’t leave it alone. According this dumbass website, today is Global Orgasm Day, wherein everyone on Earth’s supposed to have an orgasm, think about world peace, and somehow make the world a better place…
Enter Flynt, and the crowd roars, “Lar-ry, Lar-ry!” A spontaneous chant, full of the sort of her0-worship normally reserved for the likes of Jerry Springer or Howard Stern: “Lar-ry, Lar-ry!” That’s how the 200 men and women attending the grand opening of Tempe’s brand-spankin’ new Hustler Hollywood store last night…
It’s been obvious to The Bird for a long time that Sheriff Joe Arpaio despises New Times. Why else would he violate the Arizona public records law by keeping documents about pertinent activities to taxpayers hidden from the public? Why else would he deny New Times writers access to his…
The man in the black shirt with large white letters that read “IMPEACH AND IMPRISON” stands out in the blue-collar bowling alley like someone shouting “Fire!” in a crowded theater. It’s December 8, and the patrons of AMF Deer Valley Lanes know Jason Tunay and his inflammatory tee shirts well…
I’m a Spanish-language student struggling with tenses and the gender of nouns. The other day, some friends and I were discussing street slang, and the word verga (penis) came up (no pun intended). It occurred to me that the definitive symbol of masculinity ends in the feminine “-a.” What’s up…
It’s been obvious to The Bird for a long time that Sheriff Joe Arpaio despises New Times. Why else would he violate the Arizona public records law by keeping documents about pertinent activities to taxpayers hidden from the public? Why else would he deny New Times writers access to his…
What, Phil Worry? Mayor McGruff: You make some very good points regarding the crime rate in Maricopa County (“Murder City,” The Bird, Stephen Lemons, December 14). I agree that it’s a laugh that Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon goes around scoffing at the crime statistics showing Phoenix is a dangerous place…
Carol Davidson is an Arcadia housewife, a grandmother, a missionary’s mom, and until recently, someone who spent every Wednesday night practicing with the church choir. But she is also, as she puts it, a gutsy broad. And that’s where the trouble at Valley Cathedral began. She didn’t go looking to…
