Great toucan turds, people! With all the pathetic blubberin’ that’s busted out over the past couple of weeks due to the demise of former Arizona House Speaker Jeff Groscost, you’d think the long-disgraced Mesa Republican was the second coming of JFK. Um, instead of the scandal-dogged sneaky bastard whose shenanigans…
Published online November 14, 2006, 3:30 p.m. MST COPYRIGHT 2006, Phoenix New Times Two years ago, Governor Janet Napolitano gave sole rights to tens of millions of dollars in bond business to a group of politically connected retired firefighters with zero experience in the field, New Times has learned. And…
My fiancé is trying to learn Spanish so he can speak to my grandmother when we get married next month. Lately, he’s been listening to CNN en Español to get an ear for the language. A couple of days ago, he told me that, after several weeks of seeing the…
Ambulance Chasers Got no soul: Once again we see how Bob Ramsey and Pat Cantelme play this little game (“Emergency Brake,” Sarah Fenske, November 9). A game that is played at the expense of sick and injured people. As an employee of Southwest Ambulance, it is disconcerting to see my…
“Good work, ZeeDick. Think we can buy the LA Slimes after this?” A source at the Republic relates the following internal scuttlebutt on Monday’s massacre, which laid waste to 31 Rep jobs, at least 7-to-8 of which were in editorial: It’s supposedly a 1% cut locally and is part of…
Somethng tells us these blokes ain’t squeezin’ lemons? All this hard-news is makin’ my brain hurt, but anything that slams our illustrious Guv, I’m down with, so here’s a taste of my colleague Sarah Fenske’s breaking story on Nappy’s monkeyshines involving student loans, the Phoenix firefighters union, Pat Cantelme, Billy…
Now, this won’t hurt a bit… Classy how the bean-counters at Gannett picked the week of the Walter Cronkite Luncheon to hack into the Arizona Republic’s staff, cutting 31 jobs, according to VisualEditors.com. Posts to that site suggest 7 editorial bodies are headed for the morgue (read, “unemployment line”), but…
Irony of ironies: CNA promulgates the very images it claims to abhor… Wanna peep pics of hot, horny nurses and not feel a bit guilty about straying from your more-liberal-than-thou PC leanings? Well, spank that monkey no further than the web address for the Center for Nursing Advocacy, a politically-correct…
from www.CafePress.com Can someone cue Gnarls Barkley’s “Crazy,” please? The John McCain ass-kissing began in earnest shortly after the polls closed Tuesday, with even the Repugnant’s saintly Dan Nowicki joining in on the pucker-fest by offering multiple posts on how the Manchurian Candidate will be the salvation of the Republicans…
As DJ Squalor would say, “Don’t not be there…” I’ve never made a secret of my slavish admiration for the crew that produces the insane industrial-noise soiree known as Sadisco. I assure you, my devotion is much deserved. For three years pervy pied pipers Toby Heidebrink and Donnie Burbank have…
Richard III, the vile monarch… The real deal, though I prefer McKellen’s fascistic version… Received a delightful snot-gram today, which always warms the nest of snakes in my heart. It’s from this guy who calls himself Emil Pulsifer. I have many such missives stowed away to read when I require…
What the AZPunk chicks wished they looked like… Who said women stick together? If you wanna see females of the species go after each other along the lines of a prison riot on HBO’s Oz, just point out that one is better looking than the others, and watch out for…
Above the Crowd: Can you feel the excitement? As the vote count in the CD5 race between Harry “Milquetoast” Mitchell and Congressman J.D. “Why Do You Hate Me?” Hayworth drags on, it seems increasingly unlikely that J.D.’s gonna pull it out of his Foghorn Leghorn ass. I hope I’m wrong,…
image courtesy of USDA (no, really) Who knew you needed a degree for this? Couldn’t help myself with this one. Did you know they need “lactation consultants” in Sun City? One would’ve thought the wrinkled dugs up there would be as dry as a parson. And who knew there was…
Janet Napolitano, Arizona’s Greatest Governor. Hmmm. Feels a bit presumptuous, like renaming Squaw Peak after a soldier who died just weeks earlier in a car accident. But that’s what a few historians and politicos are already suggesting — depending on what happens in the next four years. Janet Napolitano. Saver…
This brazen buzzard can hardly believe its feathered earflaps! With the ink barely dry on “Goldwater Uncut” (Stephen Lemons, October 19), New Times’ cover story on the real Arizona icon, Barry Goldwater’s brood stormed the Arizona Historical Foundation, repository of the late U.S. senator’s personal and political papers, demanding its…
Published online November 14, 2006, 3:30 p.m. MST COPYRIGHT 2006, Phoenix New Times Two years ago, Governor Janet Napolitano gave sole rights to tens of millions of dollars in bond business to a group of politically connected retired firefighters with zero experience in the field, New Times has learned. And…
Not long ago, I attended a Los Tigres del Norte concert at a small hall with no dance floor. The people attending were supposed to sit down and enjoy the music. Five minutes into the music, these jumping beans started dancing in the aisle. Within minutes, half of the attendees…
The “L” Word Hypocritical mass: Finally, somebody said it! Of course Janet Napolitano’s a lesbian, and a hypocrite for opposing gay marriage (“Reality Check,” The Bird, Stephen Lemons, November 2). Even if she’s not, how could she think people don’t think she is? Everybody thinks that who’s got the nerve…
Published online November 14, 2006, 8:45 p.m. MST COPYRIGHT 2006, Phoenix New Times At an Arizona Racing Commission meeting Wednesday, November 15, the state Racing Department plans to introduce a report questioning the friendship between Commission Chairman Burton Kruglick and embattled Turf Paradise owner Jeremy Simms. The report also recommends…
When Scottsdale officials were picking an ambulance company to handle 911 calls last year, they didn’t look at the factors you might assume would be at issue. Not price. The state sets the rate for ambulance trips, no matter who is the provider. Not speed. Promising a faster “response time”…
C.C. and Barry, Jr., dragging the Senator down to their level. The Bird takes flight this week and drops a colossal load on the Goldwater family for censoring the Goldwater papers at the Arizona Historical Foundation. Less than a week after my cover story “Goldwater Uncut,” C.C., Barry, Jr. and…
