Head Games

“You know, when I get high, I always get horny for white women,” Tommy Chong told The Bird just last week. Yes, that Tommy Chong, of Cheech and Chong fame. This winged wordsmith had been having difficulties lately at local head shops, so it decided to give the world’s most…

Howling Financial Woes

The Phoenix Coyotes betting scandal that has ensnared hockey legend and Coyotes minority owner Wayne Gretzky and his movie actress wife is just the latest in a series of financial shenanigans linked to the team’s ownership. The Coyotes’ financial success has always been a huge gamble for the franchise’s majority…

Monsters Ball

Last call at Jonny Noir’s Filthy/Gorgeous Friday at The Biz: The Chloë Sevigny of P-town is off in a grimy nook with her tongue buried deep betwixt the lips of some effed-up same-sex siren, and I’m trying to score one last vodka-Red Bull for the road. I know, I know…

Letters From the Issue of Thursday, February 16, 2006

Murder, He Wrote Better than fiction: What a great story by Paul Rubin on “The Case of the Grim Tweaker” (February 2)! When I first looked at it, I thought there was no way that I would read an article that long. Then, before I looked up again, I had…

Bollywood Dreams

Once upon a time (okay, about a month ago), there was a woman named Samantha Riggs who so loved Hindi films (otherwise known as Bollywood, India’s global cinematic export) that she staged a tribute, Bollywood Love Rules. Onstage, a chorus of women appeared, wearing traditional saris, and they sang (actually,…

He’s a Wanker

The Bird likes nothing better than seeing locals getting a little national recognition, especially when props don’t involve somebody like Sheriff Joe Arpaio disgracing himself in public. And so this pretend pigeon was pleased when Glendale mom Alice Rubio, who can safely lay claim to being the biggest Howard Stern…

Feds Probe District 20

This is a career opportunity for U.S. Attorney Paul Charlton. The 45-year-old Republican prosecutor could be the public servant who restores integrity to elections in Maricopa County. Charlton’s decision to launch a grand jury investigation into the September 2004 District 20 Republican primary and subsequent recount for a state House…

Gutter Depravity

So I’m kickin’ it like a 300-pound Charles Bukowski in the butt-end of the gloriously sleazy Ky’s Place, situated in a shabby strip mall on the northwest corner of 32nd Street and Indian School Road, when One-Eyed Josh decides to pull a Sammy Davis Jr. and show me how he…

Letters From the Issue of Thursday, February 9, 2006

Humble Howard It’s Howard’s world; we only live in it: Great article on Howard Stern. Alice Rubio is the perfect example of a Stern fan (“After Shock,” Sarah Fenske, January 26). I also went through withdrawals during the show’s hiatus from “testicle radio” until the show’s arrival on the future…

The Case of the Grim Tweaker

Dave Uribe reports for duty at 6 a.m. on May 10, a Tuesday. Uribe had been a Phoenix police officer for 22 of his 48 years. He still loved being a street cop in the sprawling Cactus Park precinct, in the west and northwest parts of the city. Every day’s…

What Would Jesus Do?

As fans of the Vatican and altar boy porn already know, Monsignor Dale Fushek, founder of America’s largest Catholic youth ministry, has been under house arrest for the past several months while he awaits trial on 10 counts of sexual misconduct. What Fushek followers may not know is that Father…

Straitjacket Jan Brewer

We are inching dangerously close to the point where elections in Arizona can be suspended for an indefinite period of time for the flimsiest of reasons. Claiming to be acting at the request of the U.S. Department of Defense, Secretary of State Jan Brewer is seeking unprecedented authority from the…

The Big Sleazy

“Too bad you’ve switched sides yet again, Jett,” I needle the PHX’s now stud-muffin-exclusive Vanessa Minnillo as we watch a fine, female-filled pair of Apple Bottom jeans sashay past us. “Your home team has the advantage here tonight.” Jett eyeballs the hiney like an alkie at a bottle of Johnny…

Letters From the Issue of Thursday, February 2, 2006

Howard’s End Bow to Stern: Thank you for such a well-written story. I have been a loyal Howard Stern listener since I was 16 years old; I am now 39 (“After Shock,” Sarah Fenske, January 26). I moved from New Jersey 14 years ago, and it was very painful to…

After Shock

I used to think I was a big Howard Stern fan, but that was before I met Alice Rubio. For the past 10 years — the entire time Stern has been on the Phoenix airwaves — Rubio has tuned in to his show, every day, all morning, with rapt attention…

What’s the Frequency, Phoenix?

Howard Stern’s departure from free radio was a monthlong advertisement for satellite radio, and so it’s no surprise that subscribers flocked to satellite radio, or that stock in Sirius soared. Nor is it especially surprising that some Best Buys and Circuit Cities locally ran out of Sirius’ S-50, a $300…

Phoenix Means Well

Phoenix has scored another national ranking, and The Bird doesn’t mean Mr. Blackwell’s “Best Dressed” list, either. According to a list compiled by the National Coalition for the Homeless and the National Law Center on Homelessness and Poverty, Phoenix is number 17 among the 20 “meanest” cities in the nation…

Pressure Tactics

Show us the ballots! That’s the only way to get to the bottom of a raging scandal that started with an obscure 2004 Republican primary election in the Ahwatukee Foothills and is now entangling six prominent Republican officials. Speaker of the Arizona House Jim Weiers, Senate President Ken Bennett, Secretary…

FBI Raids Polygs

Published online January 25, 2006, 5:02 p.m. MST The search for the fugitive leader of the fundamentalist Mormon church escalated when FBI agents entered the Colorado City, Arizona-based sect’s packed meeting hall during a church-related function to serve grand jury subpoenas. The January 14 raid on church property was the…

Letters From the Issue of Thursday, Jnauary 26, 2006

Electile Dysfunction A fool and his votes are soon parted: What a fiasco has resulted from Arizona Republican officials trying to block even one of their own state senators from checking out what went wrong in an election! What is wrong with these fools? As Rick Barrs wrote (a href=”/Issues/2006-01-12/news/barrs.html”>”Rocking…

Ballot Boxing

The crucial District 20 ballots that have become the centerpiece of a mushrooming election scandal are not in the Maricopa County Treasurer’s vault as apparently required by state law. Instead, I have discovered that the 17,000 ballots are stashed away in an unguarded, un-air-conditioned warehouse west of Sky Harbor Airport…

Mexican Busting

Letting a couple of cops off the hook after they beat the hell out of a Mexican national isn’t enough for County Attorney Andy Thomas. And he’s not content with declining to press charges against a white vigilante who drew down on Mexicans at a rest stop. Or with collaring…