Three-year-old Xzavion Gonzales looks up at his mother in a preoperative room at Phoenix Children’s Hospital. “Am I gonna die, mama?” Xzavion asks Samantha Blier, moments before a doctor gives him a shot to make him sleepy. Blier is taken aback. No, you’re not going to die, she says, you’re…
Before the September 10 primary, The Spike thought it would be fun to devote this week’s column to all the wackos who lost the election. A parting shot at some folks we didn’t expect to see for another two to four years — the gay bashers, the home schoolers, the…
Cops call it “building the jacket.” If you’ve got a guy you want to ruin, you start throwing crazy allegations at him or start listening to crazy allegations about him. Then you conduct sham “investigations.” Then you make sure the allegations and investigations start piling up in his personnel file…
Crotch Talk Macho macho man: Regarding Amy Alkon’s rant equating big SUVs with small penises (“Guys With Small Penises,” September 12): I drive a Toyota truck, but I live full-time in a 35-foot-long, 11-foot-tall motor home. It averages about six miles per gallon. Based on Amy’s assumptions, I must have…
Advice columnist Amy Alkon had a delicious secret. In her spare time, she’d been actively insulting the owners of sport utility vehicles (SUVs) with an inspired piece of performance art. This past spring she wrote about her one-woman campaign in our sister publication in Los Angeles. The column ignited a…
The Spike is happy to report that justice has prevailed and politics have failed in the case of former Phoenix Fire Department deputy chief Robert “Hoot” Gibson. The man who for decades kept the fire department supplied with everything from engines to rubber boots was forced to resign six years…
Inmates on the Internet are a problem Gary Phelps would rather not have to deal with. The state Department of Corrections official was quite happy when House Bill 2376 was passed two years ago. Inmates were already banned from direct Internet access, but the new statute prohibits third parties from…
Amateur PornIt’s a naked jungle out there: I have had it with prudish politicians who want to punish harmless fun (“Porn U,” Robert Nelson, September 5). Anytime Brian Buck wants to run for higher office, he’s got my vote. Fred Burton Phoenix Police ProblemHethinks thou protesteth too much: Many years…
Hundreds of bodies glisten in the hot sun of a hazy Philadelphia summer day. Lanky young men in baggy shorts and backward baseball caps wind their way through a dense crowd, pausing to glance at teenage girls in tight tank tops and shorts. Young families crowd side-by-side with raucous twentysomethings…
The Spike loves a good public thumping, especially in cases where the public has been thumped first. And so The Spike is tickled to see that the wrongdoers at the Wilson Elementary School District are about to get a long-overdue comeuppance. For the past couple years, two wayward school board…
The young lovers came from different sides of the tracks. Brian Buck (his real name) was a hardworking, hard-partying member of Arizona State University’s naughtiest fraternity, who appeared destined for greater things in ASU’s student government. Calli Cox (her stage name) was the hardworking, hard-partying member of the porn industry…
Man Down Children should be seen and not heard: I have a hard time believing that something like this can go on in America (“Lost Hope,” Amy Silverman, August 22)! This is disgraceful. Paul Hewitson’s daughter should be put in jail, but not before she pays him all the money…
Alfredo Gutierrez is one of Arizona’s greatest living statesmen. In contrast, Janet Napolitano, his rival in the Democratic primary for governor, has a nice résumé. Gutierrez grew up in the Mexican-American shantytowns of the mines around Globe, an experience that forged his resolve to dedicate his life to fighting for…
Felony prosecutor Juan Martinez is despised by many defense attorneys, mainly because he relentlessly plays hardball on the job. He rarely plea bargains, seemingly is always in trial, prepares his cases meticulously, and usually wins. No matter what Martinez’s adversaries may think of him personally or professionally, though, no one…
A glance at the online inventory of Peoria-based Wild Animal World reads like a passenger manifest for Noah’s Ark. Claiming to be the largest dealer in exotic animals in the United States, Wild Animal World can deliver almost any species imaginable to your doorstep, whether it be a Watusi ($2,500)…
Now that Bishop Thomas O’Brien’s rosary beads are in a crack, he’s called in the big guns to save his tarnished butt. And The Spike isn’t talking about attorney extraordinaire Michael Manning. Or His Holiness himself. No, the good bishop has summoned Kim Sue Lia Perkes, late of the Arizona…
Pat DownYou can fool some of the papal . . . : Father Pat Colleary is on holiday in Ireland while being investigated for indictment by a grand jury in Maricopa County for sex offenses (“The Pain of Publicity,” Robert Nelson, August 22). How many people under investigation by the…
Candy Gail Wilson knows how to work the street. The prominent Scottsdale businesswoman long ago mastered the art of manipulating emotions to obtain cash. She has no problem stiffing business partners. Her associates embrace similar ethics. And when the heat is on, she knows how to slip into the night…
The other day, The Spike grabbed a bag of pork rinds and sat down to read Dominion, the forthcoming book by presidential speechwriter and former Arizona political gadfly Matthew Scully. Big mistake. The subtitle of this book is The Power of Man, the Suffering of Animals, and the Call to…
He was a hellion in his teens and twenties but has since grown into a solid husband and father. He served in the Marines, which helped steel him for his current job as a crackshot paramedic for Mesa General Hospital. Mark Kennedy has a right to be defined as a…
Paper Chase Insulting the intelligentsia: Great article on the Republic (“Republic goes to paper hell,” Spiked, August 15). I was surprised, however, not to see a parody of the “Other Views” section of the OpEd page. I find it ludicrous that, in its effort to provide its readers with other…
The ladies of the North Valley Care Home are propped in wheelchairs and La-Z-Boy-style recliners, blankly watching the Today show’s summer concert series on a recent Friday morning. The volume on the big-screen TV is set for the hearing-impaired, but even so, the women nod off as hip-hop queen Mary…
