ALONE AT THE TOP

In a largely misspent life, I have spent entirely too much time in the company of football coaches. In a way, they have always both fascinated and repelled me. Finally, I have hit upon an unpleasant truth. Only the losing coaches have a chance to remain decent human beings. All…

THE PLUG IS PULLED

I felt a tinge of sadness the other day when I read that the Chicago Bears had waived their massive defensive tackle, William “Refrigerator” Perry. Unless you lived in Chicago during the 1985 football season, you’ll probably find it hard to understand what was so special about “The Fridge,” as…

HEAR NOT EVIL

Something was terribly wrong with her son, and Marci Johnson didn’t need a mother’s intuition to know it. Although 10-year-old Michael is deaf, he had always been a lively, cheerful boy, fond of baseball and swimming. For the past few months, however, he had grown sullen and withdrawn, frequently collapsing…

SELL THE HOT DOG, DO THE TIME

Robert Carter, Arizona’s most famous hot-dog salesman, is learning the price of fame. Right now, the tab looks to be at least five years in the pen. Carter, you may recall, is an escapee from the county jail’s work-furlough program who was pictured on the cover of New Times four…

PET PEEVES

After two years of heated public debate and countless hours of taxpayer-financed labor, Maricopa County’s effort to control pet overpopulation is “at a dead standstill” and the chief of the county’s animal-control unit might be out of a job. Tom Simplot, administrative assistant to County Supervisor Betsey Bayless, confirms that…

TALE OF THE TAPE

In his 52 years, James Osipenkof has developed strong, if unremarkable, habits. He smokes two packs of unfiltered Old Gold cigarettes per day, and drinks whatever coffee is at hand, no matter how bad. His life is arranged so that, come evening, there is a familiar bar within walking distance,…

THE RIGHTEOUS STUFF

In the early 1980s, Arizona State University was popularly viewed as the Disneyland of college campuses. While Central America bubbled with political turmoil and the Southwest was gripped by debate over human rights and the Sanctuary Movement, ASU distinguished itself by consistently rating near the top of the heap in…

ELVIS IS BACK, AND HE’S TERROR IN THE PAINT

“There’s only one Elvis,” Suns coach Paul Westphal has said, “and there’s only one Charles Barkley.” Maybe so. But has anybody considered the possibility that our Sir Charles and the immortal King of Rock n’ Roll are the same guy? In addition to wealth, fame and Southern accents, the two…

WATER’S UP, CACTUSES DROWN

Despite years of notice and a $1 million private contract to remove native plants from the Lake Pleasant shoreline, thousands of saguaro cactuses soon will be inundated at the gradually expanding reservoir 35 miles northwest of Phoenix. “They are going to be under water,” says Bob Michaels, a U.S. Bureau…

LET’S MUCK A DEAL

Dennis Bedford and Albert Monteverde wish the state of Arizona would stop wasting time and money trying to protect them from themselves. For almost four months now, the two gainfully employed, apparently competent men have been attempting to cut a simple business deal that would allow them to invest in…

CARL HAYDEN WINS! CARL HAYDEN WINS!

Editor’s note: Last Friday night, after this story was completed and laid out in New Times, the Carl Hayden football team finally won a game. Writer Paul Rubin and photographer Timothy Archibald were there to witness the celebration. That something wonderful was about to happen became apparent to Carl Hayden…

TELLING IT LIKE IT WAS

It is a key moment for the Phoenix Cardinals in last Sunday’s game against the New Orleans Saints. Cards’ quarterback Chris Chandler throws a pretty pass downfield–right into the hands of a Saints defender. High in the grandstand above the north end zone, the “Wild Cards” groan. So do most…

DAVE IS PHOENIX FAVECAN WE GET THE TOP 10 HOME OFFICE BACK NOW?

Think you understand this TV market, vidkids? It’s a place where Matlock reigns supreme, right? A metroplex full of folks who still honor the memory of the late, great Lawrence Welk, and who sometimes become overwhelmed by the fast pace of Pets on Parade. Think so? Well, think about this:…

ARIZONA, HOME OF THE OK QUARREL

when Bill Clinton recently brokered the historic handshake between Yitzhak Rabin and Yasser Arafat–the Kodak Moment that punctuated the accord between Israel and the Palestine Liberation Organization–we were filled with hope. Hope that Rodney King wasn’t nuts to think we all can get along. Hope that long-standing tribal feuds will…

BARKLEY FACES THE DOWNHILL AHEAD

“I have no fear of getting old,” Charles Barkley says. “I’m at peace as my skills decline.” It is an hour after an exhibition-game loss to the New York Knicks. Barkley is the only player left in the Phoenix Suns’ dressing room. The writers for the daily newspapers are over…

RESERVATION NOT ACCEPED

Late one afternoon in February 1991, Thurza Altaha and her 16-year-old daughter drove from the Fort Apache Indian Reservation to the Indian hospital in Phoenix. For the teenager, it would be a one-way trip back to Anglo society. For the mother, the trip was an acknowledgment that her only daughter…

THEY SHOOT DECOYS, DON’T THEY?

Just before dawn, with coyotes yipping from the trees across a narrow forest road just south of the Mogollon Rim, Arizona Game and Fish Department law enforcement specialist Ron Day pulls a tom turkey from the back of his truck. It’s a mounted gobbler, a bagpipe-size bird that the Game…