DRUNK WITH POWER

Hugh Ennis likes a good joke. Especially when it has a cop theme. Take the toy police car resting near his window at the Liquor Department, for instance. Like the slapstick autos that zoom around a circus ring, this one looks as though a squad of battery-powered minicop-clowns will tumble…

IN HEIDI WE TRUST

Only 3 percent of Valley residents place “a great deal” of trust in the Arizona State Legislature. Just 16 percent of new governor J. Fife Symington’s constituents trust him the same way. Also down at 16 percent on the trust meter is the Arizona Republic, a daily newspaper. Slightly more…

SWUNG ON AND MISSED

If three strikes are out, Arizona has finally touched the bottom of the barrel. First, there was Evan Mecham, whose eccentricities became such a cause celebre that the Arizona State Legislature voted him out of the governor’s office after a lengthy impeachment trial that enthralled the entire nation. Mecham was…

MAN O’ WAR

For months we’ve been bombarded by puff pieces about General H. Norman Schwarzkopf. Schwarzkopf, the general with the 170 IQ, has been certified by the Newspaper Publishers of America as the hero of The War That Saved the Emir of Kuwait and his 350 Wives. After President Bush telephoned Schwarzkopf…

VICTIMS’ RITES

They haven’t got much in common on the surface. Candice Nagel, a second-term legislator before she resigned last month, drives home along the Dreamy Draw in a white Mazda convertible and parks in the driveway of a Paradise Valley house that is massive, uninteresting and crammed onto a lot so…

DEVICE SQUAD

Bodacious mail-order products for teens with money to burn, lagging popularity, weasels for parents and a loose grasp of reality. HOOVER HICKEY-QUICK. Face it, dudes and dudettes. Nothing says “sex appeal” quite like a neck covered with bright purple “love bites.” But how do you get them if you’re an…

MISSING IN ACTION

Editor’s note: On February 23, New Times sent staff writer Darrin Hostetler to Saudi Arabia to cover the Gulf War. Shortly after his arrival, Hostetler gained access to Kuwait City and witnessed the final days of Operation Desert Storm. Hostetler is the only Arizona reporter covering the liberation of Kuwait…

FREE TO BEAT YOU AND ME

The local chapter of Little Criminals Who Luck Out was inadvertently started about four years ago. It works like this: You’re a fourteen- year-old kid who burglarizes a house and gets locked up in Adobe Mountain, a state prison for juveniles. After promising to be a good kid, you’re paroled…

THE SMART MONEY

During one of those postcollege years when young men flounder around not knowing what to do next, Allen had a job in a laundry. This was in Los Angeles. At the end of the day, Allen would add up long columns of figures–shirts and trousers, cleaned and pressed–and put a…

POX BAD BOY

My five-year-old son calls it “chicken pops,” as if it were a new poultry-flavored brand of breakfast cereal. But the truth is, chicken pox is worse than that. If you can imagine such horror. The nastiest aspect of this contagious kiddie disease is not that it makes your children look…

VAGRANT TOPS TALLY OF TAWDRY TITLES

Where else would Hollywood go to shoot a movie titled The Vagrant? Phoenix, the setting for enough downbeat titles to program an all-existential film festival, is again playing host to makers of movieland magic and/or muck. The Vagrant came to town last week. Production trucks, lights, cameras, actors–even a few…

Our Most Frightening Weapon

U.S. pilots flying Gulf War missions in Apache Attack Helicopters say they are tired of battling the enemy. But it’s not the Iraqi army that’s making them weary. The shooting war is over, and the opposing forces have been easily routed. The pilots’ primary adversary, they insist, is much more…

BEDTIME FOR BONZO V

Yet Another Compelling True-Life Sci-Fi Docu-Drama in One Act The curtain rises. The time: 9 p.m. The place: the spectacularly messy bedroom of a five-year-old boy who is being tucked into bed. BOY: Dad, I’m gonna tell you a bedtime story tonight. Okay? MAN: Ooooh, good! What’s the name of…

THE UNSOPHISTICATESUE LAYBE’S RICHES-TO-RAGS SAGA

The day before she resigned from the Arizona State Legislature last week, just an hour before she showed up at the Capitol for the second day of her ethics evidentiary hearings, Representative Sue Laybe was picking at a peach cobbler at the Golden Rule Cafe and recalling the afternoon when…

SCOUNDREL TIME

The terrible truth is that there can be no statute of limitations on moral crimes. Watch the final scene of the new film Guilty by Suspicion and you will understand. Robert De Niro strides from the hearing room of the House Un-American Activities Committee. He has refused to name friends…