If one cultural artifact exemplifies the Eighties, it is the Day-Timer. The Eighties was the decade when no one had any time. What made the Eighties so boring is that people were proud of this. Drudges who invariably labored in something called “marketing” bragged about working sixty- or even eighty-…
WORST LINES “You wear your angst like a breakaway chastity belt.” Anthony Perkins to Kathleen Turner in Crimes of Passion. “I once beat mah haid on the barn door I wuz so lonely fer you.” Kelly McGillis to her backwoods beau in Winter People. “It was good, but not that…
Yes, that’s right. I’ve kept an intimate diary of the entire deal. As I look back through this journal of the Eighties, I see that more often than not my intuition has been pretty amazing. Also, through the years I’ve had the opportunity to hobnob with most of the so-called…
I browse through the Arizona Republic’s editorial pages every morning. I feel obligated to undergo this test of concentration. The alarums of the editorials prepare me for any challenges General Noriega or General Motors might place before me the rest of the day. Where else in American journalism would you…
‘Twas Christmas morning, and all through the house, there was no room for nothin’; not a mouse, not a louse. All night my son nestled so snug in his bed while visions of merchandise danced in his head. And now he’d discover that dreams CAN come true. That’s the magic…
The Hualapai tribal elder summons what strength is left in his failing body, and gets right to the point. “If my people don’t watch out, it’s gonna get a lot worse,” says 76-year-old Rupert Parker, his once-resonant baritone reduced to a whisper. Parker is confined to a bed in his…
Former U-Haul technical writer Russ Korne has no quarrel with drug-testing in the workplace. “Hey, there’s a big problem in this country with drugs,” Korne says. “We have to do something. In my case, the worst thing they’d ever get out of me was last night’s Genuine Draft. And I…
Five years ago Maricopa County residents momentarily set aside their hatred of taxes to finance a spectacular network of freeways. Terminally disgusted with the Valley’s podunk street system, voters approved a half-cent sales tax intended to raise $3 billion with which to build the 231- mile system. And thereby made…
Being a shopping-mall Santa is not an easy job. The words “G.I. Joe!” “Nintendo!” and “Barbie!” make Santa’s ears ring. His nose plays host to 1,000 viral invaders. His eyes acquire a permanent glaze from 10,000 flash bulbs. This weekend, members of the corps will hitch up their baggy pants…
If this were prime-time TV, the following tale could be broadcast as A Very Merry New Times Family Christmas Special, starring Perry Como, Wayne Newton, Dinah Shore, Jim Nabors, Burl Ives, and the Muppets. I have no idea what parts they’d play, but television producers are masters at figuring out…
In Arizona, convicted child molesters are required by law to register with the local sheriff. The sheriffs then turn in the names to the Arizona Department of Public Safety, which maintains a computerized registry of all convicted child molesters who live in Arizona–including people who were convicted in other states…
On the eve of his stunning political triumph, Julian Sanders was in an expansive mood. “I am not prejudiced,” said Sanders. “I pick up black hitchhikers if I see them in need.” Because I half expected him to tick off which Stevie Wonder albums he owned, it was plain that…
Stately, plump Bill Bidwill moved in regal fashion past the food line in the press box at Sun Devil Stadium last Saturday. Mexican food was being dished up. Bidwill’s hands remained at his sides, however. The Phoenix Cardinals owner did not reach for a platter. “Have a plate of food,…
Welcome to the Big Daddy Hall of Fame! This guide is designed to help you enjoy your visit to the fullest. As you make your way through our exhibit areas, read along and discover a host of facts and figures, as well as some very interesting “behind the scenes” historical…
If you’re planning on getting a federal loan to help you through college, you may have to submit to random drug testing. At least, that’s how a student-advocacy group in Arizona sees things in the wake of the knee-jerk Anti-Drug Abuse Act of 1988. The new law demands that students…
The Salt River Project, besieged by state and federal regulators over pollution problems at its Navajo Generating Station near Page, is facing yet another public-relations blow. Federal wildlife biologists suspect emissions from the power plant may be causing toxic contamination in the fish of nearby Lake Powell. Recent samples of…
The London Bridge, hauled brick by brick to the Colorado River, put Lake Havasu City on the map. The rest, as any student of history’s great real estate schemes will tell you, was pure salesmanship. From nothing, chain-saw czar Robert McCulloch (by erecting a totally incongruous tourist attraction) created something…
How can you tell if your nine-year-old is a pre-Crip? Elementary school kids are more likely to be flashing their colors a few years down the road if they have a lousy family life, beat up classmates, flunk or cut classes, have a relative in a gang, come home to…
This is a story of how the schoolchildren of Arizona are denied a decent education by naive bureaucrats, businessmen too fond of sharp practices, and conniving politicians. It is a tale of the single worst blind date in the history of Phoenix. In this column, you will also discover that…
I do not handle illness well. Give me a mild case of sniffles or up my body temperature to 98.7 and I start doing my impersonation of Ali MacGraw in Love Story. I tramp around the house, moaning softly and reminding my wife that love means never having to say…
During one of the few days he actually appeared for work at the United States Coast and Geodetic Survey, James Abbott McNeill Whistler executed a small engraving of an island in the Santa Barbara Channel off the coast of California. Because he was Whistler, he could not resist adding some…
Emery Johnson sauntered into South Mountain High School this fall wearing his shades and his Attitude. He fit right in with all the other gangly, streetwise kids who sure as hell didn’t need to be bothered with school. He started ditching classes almost immediately. He decided he’d rather spend his…
