Thanks for the Eulogies

I swear to God I don’t know how John Derek does it. He married and divorced Ursula Andress, who, let’s face it, was and is a goddess. Then he married the rather splendid Linda Evans and dumped her for a teen-ager. It wasn’t just any teen-ager, mind you–it was the…

Cavalcade of Apparitions!

As hundreds of the Valley’s Hispanic community gathered to pay homage to the holy yucca they believe resembles Our Lady of Guadalupe, one gringo stared at the curiously twisted dead branch and merely shook his head. “I wish I had the mind of a Mexican man,” he muttered. “Then maybe…

Morris Starsky’s Proud Exit

Things keep happening to remind us why both Arizona State University and the Arizona Republic are so decidedly second-rate. This time it’s the death of Dr. Morris J. Starsky, a former ASU philosophy professor who was fired by the Arizona Board of Regents in June 1970 for asserting his First…

Let’s Make a Deal

Jerry Colangelo sued reporters in 1983 when his name was linked with betting activities at a local deli. Bookies, high-stakes wagers, point spreads, he didn’t know from nothing and it was libel if you said he did. But if Jerry Colangelo resented being viewed as a gambler, apparently he has…

The Return of Big Al and the Knicks

It’s just like the old days. There’s a full house here in Veterans’ Memorial Coliseum and the crowd’s roaring. Surely you remember how it used to be on nights like this, don’t you? Al Bianchi would be the one doing the shouting on the Phoenix Suns bench next to John…

What Do You Do After the Company Leaves?

John Mitchell’s clothing store in downtown Superior is suspended in time. Three-piece suits hang in neat rows. Stacks of shirts rest on a display table. The cash register sits on a counter near the front door. The store looks open for business, but it’s not. Mitchell’s was an anchor on…

The Crawl of the Wild

They’re slimy . . . they’re sluggish . . . they’re spineless! They’re also the backbone of what is literally the creepiest commercial enterprise in town. Sacrebleu! Is this any way to run a business? If your business happens to be snail ranching, you really don’t have much choice. “We’re…

It’s Demos vs. Demos on Abortion

Monday’s 10-4 vote by the House Judiciary Committee to declare that life begins at conception–a victory for anti-abortion forces–comes as no real surprise. Two powerful legislators made sure it was preordained. The November election resulted in a net increase in pro-choice legislators. Yet the anti-abortion forces continue to have a…

Dog Daze

The facts have been hushed up for over thirty years due to a provision in Walt Disney’s will. However, you are about to learn the real reason Dorothy McGuire made Tommy Kirk shoot Old Yeller. And rabies had nothing to do with it. But first, let me present a shocking…

Mother Inferior

I’m glad Rose Mofford isn’t my mother. She’d probably never shut up about those years when she chauffeured me back and forth to the orthodontist. “There were a lot of other things I wanted to be doing,” she’d remind me. “But time and again I gave up my plans for…

Jack Durant’s Humble Will and Testament

The Jack Durant legend lives on. When he died little more than a year ago, Durant had lived more than eighty years and had run the successful bar and restaurant bearing his name on Central Avenue since 1950. He died without heirs. Reportedly, there was $500,000 in certificates of deposit…