We’ve all had those mornings after a night of heavy drinking where we wake up and say to ourselves “what the f**k did I do last night?”Chances are, the answer to that age-old question isn’t “pulled out my penis, fatally stabbed my friend, attempted to stab my girlfriend, and kicked…
“Hey, Sharon, want to file a lawsuit against Facebook?”We imagine that a conversation that included that line might have taken place last week between former Arizona Attorney General Grant Woods and his executive assistant, Sharon Beatty.Beatty, we’ve come to find out, is the Scottsdale woman acting as a plaintiff in…
The Glendale Police Department has issued an Amber Alert for a 5-year-old girl who was last seen at an apartment complex near 6800 North 45th Avenue.According to the Glendale P.D., the girl, Jahessye Shockley, wandered away from siblings a little before 5 p.m. yesterday and hasn’t been seen since. Her…
Notwithstanding the delusional devotion of my lefty friends for Arizona’s Clean Elections system, I will be happy when the final nail is driven into its coin-filled coffin.Why? Constantin Querard, for starters. Far right political hacks such as Querard have cleverly gamed Clean Elections for the advancement of newbie wingnut politicos,…
According to Maricopa County Attorney Bill Montgomery, “graffiti is not a harmless form of creative expression. It’s a destructive crime that victimizes entire communities by creating blight and encouraging additional criminal activity.”One of the more prolific Valley vandals contributing to the “blight” is “Shaggy,” a Phoenix “tagger” who currently faces…
We thought we’d be reporting here on the sentencing of a Phoenix woman who plea bargained to a reduced charge of “custodial interference” in the curious case of a young girl snatched from her East Valley home back in 2007. Brenda Byers-Couture had pleaded guilty to the charge at…
Over the past several weeks, the Tempe Police Department says at least two groups of thieves have stolen iPhones and other electronic devices from at least eight Arizona State University students on or near the university’s Tempe campus.The most recent heist happened Monday night.According to the Tempe P.D., the thefts…
The National Football League announced yesterday that it’s selected Arizona to host the 2015 Super Bowl.Landing the big game is definitely good for the state — the last time the Super Bowl was in Arizona, in 2008, it generated about $500 million in revenue for Valley businesses.But can the Super…
God, I love Republicans. Especially the crazy ones. They’re just way too easy. In fact, whether or nor state Senate President Russell Pearce survives the Legislative District 18 recall race, I’ll be heartbroken, as right now, every day is a day of Thanksgiving for me.Take this fake Web page by…
Kurtis Palmateer was arrested Saturday night after he called police to let them know that he’d just tried to kill his grandmother. Her offense: she failed to cook his dinner and has an annoying dog.According to court records obtained by New Times, Palmateer called police about 11:30 p.m. Saturday and…
State Senate President Russell Pearce and his political hatchet-bearer Constantin Querard must have Tom Ryan dolls they push pins into at night. Attorney Ryan, who brought the lawsuit that forced sham candidate Olivia Cortes out of the recall race in Legislative District 18, is coming after Pearce and Querard like…
If you know what’s good for you, don’t use the word “nigger” around anyone — but especially not around Carlos Gross, who allegedly beat a Mesa man with a baseball bat after he claims the man dropped an N-bomb while the two were chatting in the parking lot of a…
Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio met with leaders from the Methodist Border Mission Network at his Phoenix office this afternoon to discuss — amongst other things — some issues the group has with the sheriff’s policies towards illegal immigration.But that’s not the big news — the big news is that…
Super Bowl 49 will be played at University of Phoenix Stadium here in 2015, the National Football League decided today. It will be the third time the Valley of the Sun has hosted the big game. U of P Stadium hosted the Super Bowl in 2008, when the New York Giants…
Convicted sex offender/multiple felon Jamal Mitchell was in court this morning where he pleaded not guilty to his latest alleged crimes, which include murder.Mitchell was arrested last month and booked into jail on a laundry list of crimes, including child molestation, and armed robbery in addition to the murder rap.For…
Vito Renee Oliva probably would have been cited for a minor traffic violation when police attempted to pull him over early Saturday morning. But he tried to run from cops — choking a police dog in the process — and is now charged with multiple felony.According to court documents obtained…
Remember that line from M. Night Shyamalan’s The Sixth Sense, “I see dead people”? Well, if you’re familiar with the residents of Mesa, you’ll see some deceased individuals on state Senate President Russell Pearce’s campaign Web site, as part of his lengthy “Friends of Russell” list.You’ll also see some names…
Congratulations to the New Times reader who goes by the handle Painful Rectal Itch, you are the proud winner of this week’s New Times You Write the Caption contest (and you gave us an excuse to use the term “painful rectal itch” in a headline). On Friday, we asked readers…
U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder is in some hot water over operation “Fast and Furious,” the Bureau of Alcohol Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives botched gun trafficking sting.Last week, U.S. House Judiciary Committee Chairman Lamar Smith wrote a letter to President Barack Obama asking that he appoint a special counsel to…
Eye of the tiger, indeed…State Senate hopeful Jerry Lewis, the man seeking to topple the most powerful politician in Arizona, landed several verbal blows both during and after his debate in Mesa Thursday with state Senate President Russell Pearce, as you can see in this latest video from my colleague…
The last time Under Siege star Steven Seagal was in town, the Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office took some heat when it used a tank to apprehend a suspected cockfighter. The criticism went further when allegations surfaced that Seagal murdered a puppy.The allegations that Seagal killed a puppy haven’t been proven,…
The “Dream” came true for illegal immigrants in California over the weekend — Governor Jerry Brown signed a version of the controversial Dream Act into California law Saturday. Now, local TV news station KPHO is suggesting the “Dream” may be coming to Arizona (insert Wayne Campbell’s “Shyeah…and monkeys might fly…
