Chuey mixes up a “Chuey special,” with extra Chuey-juice… “It’s like Terri Schiavo night in here,” cracks my pal and personal hero Chuey the Rock ‘n’ Roll Midget. “You know, tryin’ to stay alive.” I glance around. The crowd’s almost two deep at the world’s first ever fully-functioning midget bar,…
J. Edgar Hoover must be rollin’ over in his bloomers: One of his FBI agents, a hardened criminal? That’s the tale told by campus cops at Tucson’s University of Arizona, where Agent Ryan Seese was arrested May 3, shortly after a cleaning lady observed him whackin’ off in the women’s…
Chris Simcox is not in this way-awesome band, but he is in a monkey knife fight… Well, either Chris Simcox was bullshitting me last night by telling me only three MCDC minutemen had been kicked out of his org. ( see my earlier post, “Monkey Knife Fight at the MCDC:…
Now which one is Chris Simcox? It’s a regular monkey knife fight down at the Scottsdale HQ of the Minuteman Civil Defense Corps, where alpha male prez Chris Simcox, aka “The Little Prince,” has recently purged anywhere from three to 14 members for revolting against his iron rule and asking…
Gee, Captain Horne, you think we’ll last till September? Though the last thing the PHX metro area needs is less competition among its news entities, that might be what’s coming this summer with the rumored demise of the small-but-scrappy Scottsdale Tribune, the Scottsdale edition of Mesa’s East Valley Tribune. According…
Don’t cry, Stevie. You’ve at least got one good year left… Can there be any doubt two-time MVP Steve Nash is the goat of the series pitting the Suns against arch-rival San Antonio? I know, I know. David Stern’s an ass for penalizing Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw for getting…
Will someone pull the dirty ol’ Sheriff away from Paris? For Christ’s sake… I can barely stand to watch CNN news-harpy Nancy Grace as the bizzatch almost always looks like she’s about to bite the head off someone’s baby. But as I was flippin’ channels the other night, I saw…
Yo, Dave, what’s that brown stuff on your lip? Ewww, never mind… Can anyone doubt after last night’s Suns-Spurs donnybrook dat we wuz robbed? Minus Amare Stoudemire and Boris Diaw, the mighty Suns dominated that game for 40-plus minutes, only running low on solar power towards the very end. As…
A pic of Ashlea Deahl from her www.faceofms.org profile. Deahl suffers from the affliction. Take a gander at Sarah Fenske’s story this week on everyone’s fave jailbird Joe Watson, aka, the Salon Bandit. Fenske nabbed a scoop on what a lot of folks suspected from jump — that Watson’s fiancee…
Goober works the room prior to making Chamber of Commerce chin-music. Most mayors of great cities are not afraid of the press, even a hostile press. Indeed, as much as I despised Rudy Giuliani for various reasons when I was living in New York, I admired the way he’d regularly…
You pay for the paper, and you write the paper! Why? Because the Rep blows, son. One staple of late night comedians like Conan O’Brien, Jay Leno, Carson Daly, David Letterman, etc. is a “funny pics” bit where the host will run through a number of photos, offering up amusing…
What I wanna know is how long before someone attempts a dive off this puppy? If the Denver Post, the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, and certain online testimonials are to be believed, the much ballyhood Grand Canyon Skywalk may be a colossal dud, an eyesore, or at the very…
So, like, frogs are hosers, eh? Shane Doan shows the Frenchies his stick. If you think America’s becomming too PC, take a look at doin’s up in the Great White North, where makin’ fun of frogs will get the Parliament on your ass. By frogs, I mean those cheese-eatin’ surrender…
Preach on, my revolutionary, rich-ass brother…. Right-wing lip-flapper Darrell Ankarlo of the Mormon-owned KTAR 92.3FM had an eyebrow-lifter of a show this a.m., dealing with the statements of Rage Against the Machine firebrand Zack de la Rocha during the recent Rage reunion at Coachella. If you haven’t heard about it,…
Hate signage left over from Tuesday’s counter-protest at the capitol… I tore-ass down to the big pro-immigration march Tuesday, where I made like a Scud missle for the United for a Sovereign America counter-protest, consisting of 50-to-100 dillweeds led by local Kia-dealer and Hispanic-panic-purveyor Rusty Childress. Childress and his screwy…
Watson in better days… The (alleged) salon bandit strikes again! Minus the hand-in-bag trick this time. Seems Joe Watson’s reaching out for help from friends and family from behind the walls of Sheriff Joe’s Lower Buckeye housing unit, asking for some help with scrilla ’cause he needs it to pay…
Come on, Newsaxonites, let’s hug it out! Well, seems the neo-Nazi numbnuts at Newsaxon.com, aka the racist MySpace, have blocked New Times’ IP address from accessing their site ever since Wednesday, when I posted the item ” Newsaxon.com, the neo-Nazi MySpace, with hot racist chicks galore.” What, are the skinheads…
Forgottensoul88: The face of hate never looked so cute. White-trash pinheads who dig Adolf Hitler, swastikas, and worshippin’ Wotan now have a place to let their fascist freak flags fly without worrying about what Zionists and race-mixers have to say. It’s called Newsaxon.com, a racist MySpace, with nearly 2,000 members…
New butt-buddy to the 9/11 moonbats? Um, not yet, anyway… It’s been a while since I’ve heard from my ol’ pal Sander Hicks, who has the distinction of being one of the more intelligent and (generally) reasonable 9/11 troofers that I met at the Chandler 9/11 Accountability Conference, though I…
Jeez, J.D., eat something for Chrissakes, you look like an ofay Star Jones! I was monitoring Barry “Gee, I wish I was still” Young this morn on KFYI 550 AM, and I heard a familiar Foghorn Leghorn type-a voice, and soon realized it was my old bud from NC, the…
Let it all hang out: Rusty’s pic labeled “Jamaica Hedonism.” Prejudiced playboy Rusty Childress is one complex fella. Every Thursday he welcomes fellow wackjobs to his anti-Mexican fiestas, like the ones described in this week’s Bird column, the item titled “Bigot Bash.” The putative Republican (if you judge him by…
Amparo’s birthday suit: boots, gloves, hat, and little else. (photo by Bala Raman) Tuesday’s beauty is the limber and lovely Amparo Elizabeth, who hails from Honduras originally, but was raised in the Zona and has been modeling since age nine. This exotic enchantress boasts Spanish blood, her first name meaning…
