If you’re feelin’ a little blah, and thinking of ending it all, there are a lot of ways to do it. We don’t recommend any of them. We also don’t recommend threatening cops with an enormous machete after they’ve been called to help you.That’s what a Mesa man did yesterday…
A 90-year-old Phoenix man took a drive on Monday and never came home. Now, the Phoenix Police Department wants the public’s help in finding him.Clarence Merkel was last seen around noon on Monday leaving East Grovers Avenue and North Cave Creek Road in Phoenix.He said he was going to see…
One of the City of Phoenix’s countless homeless men apparently doesn’t have enough money for a house — but he had enough money to buy gasoline so he could set one on fire.According to court documents obtained by New Times, 62-year-old Frutoso Gallegos went to a gas station in the…
Yesterday, we wrote about two of the dumber alleged criminals in recent memory.One guy, Albert Graham, was arrested after police say he broke into the same house twice in two days.He faces charges of burglary, possession of stolen property, theft, assault, and criminal damage.Check it out here.Another guy, Jay Searles,…
A Pinal County man (who happens to look a lot like Pinal County Sheriff Paul Babeu) apparently wasn’t satisfied with the stuff he stole from a woman’s house during one burglary, so he burglarized the same exact house the very next day.According to the Pinal County Sheriff’s Office, on September…
A Peoria man, wrongly accused of stealing a hat at a local water park, handled the false accusation by attempting to moon his accusers in the middle of the park. But he failed, and by the time it was over, the only people exposed to the man’s ass were five…
Michael TurneyMichael Turney, the stepfather of a girl missing since 2001, was sentenced today to 10 years in a federal prison for possessing a large cache of fully functional, homemade bombs.He pleaded guilty back in April.Federal agents who raided Turney’s home at 17218 North 34th Street in December of 2008…
A Mesa man shouldn’t be expecting that stereotypical $5 birthday check from his grandmother this year. That’s because he allegedly beat her up and stole her wallet last week. According to the Mesa Police Department, 19-year-old Robert Grazioso was arrested Friday after he punched and kicked his live-in girlfriend.Shortly after…
DUIs happen everyday, usually without any of the newsworthy flare needed to make headlines. A Phoenix man apparently decided to go big or go home because, in the course of his alleged DUI, he managed to break just about every drinking-related law on the books.According to court records obtained by…
A Phoenix woman was arrested Tuesday after a quick, crack-fueled game of baseball with a cat. They weren’t on the same team — the woman was at bat and the kitten was the ball.According to court records obtained by New Times, cops got a call at 9 a.m. Tuesday about…
If you know either of these guys call the cops. Looks like a local thief needs a quick refresher course in Armed Robbery 101: when committing armed robbery, you’re not limited in what you can steal. You’re already committing a crime that will probably land you in prison, so you…
Burglary’s not easy. It can be a real pain in the ass — especially if that’s where the guy whose house you’re trying burglarize shoots you after you bust down his door.Yesterday, it seems shotgun justice prevailed after a 19-year-old suspect and one of his buddies tried to break into…
www.davidnasser.blogspot.com A Mesa woman went a little nuts-o outside of her apartment building this morning after she was asked politely by cops to turn down her stereo. Rather than simply turning down the music — and probably avoiding any serious criminal charges — she threw a beer bottle, screamed at…
Maricopa County Supervisors Don Stapley and Mary Rose Wilcox have asked the feds to consider taking control of the Sheriff’s Office in light of allegations revealed in a top deputy’s memo. The supervisors, two chief targets of Sheriff Joe Arpaio’s politically motivated attacks, addressed the memo by Deputy Chief Frank Munnell…
We hear stories about bank robberies almost every day in the Valley, but it’s not too often that the suspect in the robberies is a former bank teller. Almost as infrequently is the suspect a woman.Danyelle Gerrie, 25, allegedly is the exception to the apparent rule.Gerrie was arrested yesterday for a string of…
Maricopa County Supervisor Don Stapley filed an amended claim against the county for wrongful prosecution last week while waiting for a decision by the state Court of Appeals on his 2008 criminal prosecution. Oral arguments in what’s known as Stapley One (on account of there being a Stapley Two case)…
The Phoenix Police Department received a call the other day. It was a Gaylord Barnes, a 22-year-old Phoenix resident, who alerted cops that he’d just gotten done masturbating in front of a 2-year-old girl.Officers responded to the house where Barnes did the deed — which belonged to his neighbor, who…
The Mesa Police Department needs the public’s help in tracking down a missing man with mental-health problems.Mesa Police Detective Steve Berry tells New Times that 42-year-old Carlos Polanco was dropped off by his sister at his doctor’s office on Monday morning. When the sister returned to pick him up, he…
If you’ve never heard of animal “crush” videos, you’re lucky. They’re sick, cruel, and depraved. Yet people watch them — legally.”Crush” films are videos of people stepping on animals — usually larger and arguably more pain-susceptible animals — until they crush them to death.Again, we’re not card-carrying members of PETA,…
Trying to tell your parents the cocaine they found in your room is baking soda might work. Trying to pass that cocaine off as baking soda to cops is another story.A Pinal County man learned that lesson the hard way after cops found him in possession of the (ahem) baking…
The game of “he started it” has come to an end, and it turns out that the Hells Angels are the ones who started a gunfight with a rival motorcycle gang last month. The gunfight netted precisely zero deaths, despite more than 50 shots fired.A recently released police report about the shootout…
A Phoenix woman who sent her daughter and other teens to rough up her ex-boyfriend has been sentenced to 1.75 years in prison. Katherine Faye White supplied her daughter, the daughter’s 20-year-old friend and three minor teens with a Taser, crowbar, duct tape and other supplies needed for the job. Her instructions,…
