MDBOMAKE THE CANALS SOMETHING SPECIAL AGAIN Ask native Phoenicians over the age of thirty, and they’ll tell you the canals were really something once. The more gritty oldsters insist they used to water-ski the canals. My friend Steve recalls that he and another twelve-year-old once floated from east central Phoenix…
Imagine this classified ad: “Six hundred thousand bicycles desire mostly flat city. Year-round sunshine preferable. Safe and numerous bicycle routes required.” Face it, Phoenix. You can’t apply. You’ve made it unsafe to ride bicycles. State transportation officials estimate there are 600,000 bicycles in Maricopa County homes. We estimate that only…
There’s a standing joke among my friends that I know absolutely nothing about sports. And I’m proud of it. Our staff usually begins any discussion of baseball with “Jana, that’s the little ball.” I don’t know that I would ever go watch the little ball in a new downtown baseball…
Okay, City Council, listen up. I’ve got this idea that’s sure to keep you in office next election and the election after that. Just take a few little steps to cool down Phoenix, and you’ll win over a gigantic block of registered voters who’ve been too damn hot to make…
Conventional wisdom says it can’t be done. We say it can’t not be. The downtown baseball stadium, once it’s approved by voters next week, should become a world showcase of solar power technology. The Valley’s power companies–Salt River Project and Arizona Public Service–should pool their resources and make the ballpark…
It’s too late to save the fragile Sonoran Desert in Phoenix. But it’s not too late to preserve what’s left of it. Spend a few hours at the Desert Botanical Garden, and you’ll know the desert is worth protecting. First step? The city must figure out the exact boundaries of…
We know how to build streets. Oh, brother, we’ve got the experience there. Wish we paid as much attention to building parks. You’ve got to wonder about a city’s priorities when it has a specific five-year street-building plan, but parks are built catch-as-catch-can. The new council needs to put our…
“What a dump!” How many times has the phrase crossed your mind as you passed vacant lots, a ratty back yard, derelict strips of commercial buildings? Virtually no neighborhood between South Mountain and Squaw Peak is without a share of blight, as the Phoenix City Council finally acknowledged last year…
Nine Easy Steps to Filling in the Empty Spots Where Our City Is Supposed to Be. With nearly half the land within the city still vacant–much of it in single lots or small hunks skipped over by developers–the council needs to get serious about encouraging infill. 1) Require developers to…
Yikes. It’s 6:30. I’ve got to call my wife. I won’t be able to meet her for dinner after all. Dial, dial, ring, ring. “Hewwo?” “Hi, son. It’s Daddy.” “Hi, Dad.” “So you’re answering the phone all by yourself now, huh? You’re really getting to be a big boy, aren’t…
Fifty-one weeks out of the year we beat Mayor Terry Goddard about the head and shoulders with a long staff as if he were our own personal pinata; he is, after all, an elected official. The flailing is good sound employment and one indication of how seriously we take our…
Dawn. With the crashing thunder of Wagner’s “The Ride of the Valkyrie” playing in their headsets, F-16 fighter pilots lift off the tarmac at Williams and Luke. As early-morning commuters look on, the jets swoop low over the Phoenix Civic Plaza and bomb the acres of concrete courtyard into rubble…
I was driving to Evan Mecham’s Supreme Court hearing. A newscaster’s voice on the radio said: “The scene at St. Croix after Hurricane Hugo is described as near anarchy. Troops sent there to restore order have been told to shoot if necessary to defend themselves.” The Arizona State Legislature was…
“We don’t want any niggers and Mexicans out here.” Duane Pell didn’t think he shocked easily. But then, he didn’t think that being a politician meant he had to listen to crap like that. He remembers thinking, so that’s why I’m getting so much grief from this neighborhood. I’m just…
A prominent Phoenix zoning attorney waved Councilmember Duane Pell over to the side during a break in a council meeting in the summer of 1988. In an apologetic tone, he said, “This isn’t my idea. I’m only delivering a message.” And here was the message, Pell tells New Times: Neighborhood…
This should not be the golden age of weird pickled impulse food. The Cult of Nutrition approves of neither the produ~ction nor distribution of such semi-edible items as brine-suspended Polish sausages, hard-boiled eggs, pigs’ feet and pigs’ ankles (these are better known as “pork hocks”). Yet business is good down…
PROP 2 VS. BULLDOZERS When it comes to preserving what little heritage Phoenix has, good will is fine. But it takes cold, hard cash to make a difference. And cash is what Proposition 2 is all about. Most of the $15 million in new taxes that would be raised if…
Phoenix, while frantically trying to lure a giant semiconductor plant to Arizona, has levied a quarter of a million dollars in fines against ten polluting companies–among them an existing giant semiconductor plant–in an unprecedented crackdown. The crackdown on industries that discharge hazardous wastes to city sewers was prompted by pressure…
Ex-Hollywood jungle queen ACQUANETTA remembers those happy days when Scottsdale caterer FRANK CALI once carved a Lincoln out of cream cheese for her. Now their relationship has soured. The Phoenix socialite, once married to car dealer JACK ROSS, is embroiled in a dispute with Cali that may end up in…
Dear Dr. Dad: I have lost all communication with my children. I speak slowly and try to be as simple and precise as possible, but nothing sinks in. When they don’t ignore me altogether, they just stare at me as if I were yammering in Swahili, then run off to…
Even without his state police uniform, Van Jackson makes an impression. He is the physical epitome of a state trooper. At six feet five inches and 200-plus pounds, the former cop carries himself with the composed grace of an athlete. Despite the dignity of his well-cut pin-striped suit, however, he…
This is about the passage of time. Here in Arizona, we live in a dream world created by our own imagination. We are, of necessity, citizens of a different country. The television networks have decreed that the real world consists of New York City and Washington, D.C. Unless they subscribe…
