Four of us were having a perfectly romantic evening when my friend mentioned a YouTube video he wanted to share. My objection was quickly overruled 3-1, and in an instant the viral clip was playing tableside. You’ve probably seen it: A chimp sticks a finger in his ass, smells the…
There’s light at the end of the tunnel, my friends. And I hope there’s a beer with my name on it when we get to it. Arizona Secretary of State Ken Bennett has released his latest update on the ballot count. Currently, there are 192,337 ballots left to be counted…
A Glendale medical-marijuana dispensary will be inspected by state officials on Thursday, and is poised to be the first such establishment to open in Arizona. If all goes well with the inspection process, which could take two or three inspectors up to six hours, the dispensary could open as soon…
Senator John McCain — who’s been barking about the attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi, Libya, for quite some time now — has officially upset the president over the matter.McCain has insisted that there’s either a coverup or incompetence coming from the Obama administration over its response to the…
For the second time, Sheriff Joe Arpaio had publicly attempted to invite himself to the White House and consume President Obama’s alcohol.We can’t remember the last time Arpaio actually succeeded in inviting himself to meet someone (examples: George Lopez, Puente, the Mayor of Columbus, the CEO of Craigslist, and a…
We just took a look at perhaps the most morbid report we’ve seen this year, with about 100 pages detailing how children died in Arizona in 2011.The Arizona Child Fatality Review Program released its 19th annual report today, and it includes a whole lot of statistics and trends, including the…
With President Obama’s re-election, the empty threat from the people who just loathe the Leader of the Free World has changed from “I’M MOVING TO CANADA” to “WE’RE SECEDING.”By “we’re seceding,” we’re referring to the roughly 18,500 people who signed a petition on the Internet, asking the White House to…
Now a week after Election Day, counties across Arizona are still counting votes, and the winner of one congressional race is still undecided.Democratic Congressman Ron Barber currently leads Republican challenger Martha McSally by 654 votes, as of the time of this post.See also:-Ron Barber Now Leads Martha McSally-Ken Bennett Says…
Two guys are talking about running for public office in the next several years, and the thought of either man being elected ought to scare the pants off a good amount of people.One is Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who claims he’s already prepared to run for re-election in 2016,…
Maricopa County’s long march toward a final vote count slogs on, with county Recorder Helen Purcell announcing late Tuesday afternoon that 47,351 early ballots had been tabulated. Purcell’s statement noted that “approximately 46,000 early ballots still remain to be processed for tabulation.” The provisional vote count is still at 122,000…
Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office Deputy Steven Carpenter was put back on the street despite his role in helping another deputy commit an assault in North Dakota. Carpenter drove with Detective Tim Abrahamson on September 16 to North Dakota, and possibly all the way to the West Fargo home of Jason…
Gilbert police, under Chief Tim Dorn, have taken an intolerant view of the cannabis clubs that have sprouted up since voters approved medical marijuana two years ago. Gilbert PD carried out the first raid in the state, as far as we know, against a club, busting a small cooperative in…
Andrew Thomas, the former Maricopa County Attorney whose abuse of power got him disbarred this year, is considering a run for governor, according to a county GOP site. “The Word Is Out That Former Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas is considering running for Governor. He can be reached at (602)…
Police say the assault of Phoenix DJ, activist, and former New Times clubs editor Austin Head and a friend — which was detailed this morning on our music blog, Up on the Sun — was an anti-gay hate crime.Phoenix police Sergeant Steve Martos says the case has been designated as…
Attention elections officials across the state: Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is asking that you all count the votes “promptly, accurately and equally.”We weren’t aware that everyone was just lollygagging and kind of just eyeballing the amount of votes for any given candidate, but now that the top Democrat in…
The Gilbert man run over by his wife this weekend — as she allegedly blamed him for President Obama’s re-election — may have “permanent disfigurement” as a result, according to court documents obtained by New Times.Daniel Solomon, who was in critical condition yesterday in the trauma center at Scottsdale Healthcare…
Why would out-of-towners ever write off Arizona as a place just full of bozos and lunatics?Well, the petition to the White House requesting that the Obama administration let Arizona secede from the Union and start its own government is a good place to start your research…
Pictures taken last week of a Navajo man’s penis and “stumpy” thumbs reportedly link him to the photographed sexual assault of a toddler. Carl Carlson of the Navajo Nation committed aggravated sexual assault of a child, sexual exploitation of a child and possessed child pornography, according to a complaint filed…
It appears that Governor Jan Brewer may be serious about seeking a third term, after reading that she said this for (at least) a third time, even though the Arizona Constitution says you only get two terms.The Arizona Republic published its way-too-early list of gubernatorial candidates for the 2014 election,…
Keep this in mind: an overwhelming majority of Maricopa County Sheriff’s Office inmates never escape from jail.Also, keep this in mind: some guy dressed up milk cartons in his jail uniform, climbed through the ceiling, and apparently jumped over a fence in his underwear at 9 a.m. on Sunday.See also:-MCSO…
Like the Beatles once crooned, “It’s getting better all the time….” Both Maricopa County and the Arizona Secretary of State’s Office updated their elections results this afternoon, and the number of remaining ballots is declining at a steady pace. SOS Ken Bennett reported that statewide 342,936 early and provisional ballots…
An inmate in a a jail run by the self-proclaimed “toughest sheriff” in America, Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, was free for nine hours yesterday, after using a method similar to that used in the 1979 movie Escape from Alcatraz, starring Clint Eastwood.The easiest part for Adan Orduno, who escaped…
