It seems fairly clear at this point that human cloning would lead the Arizona Cardinals to a Super Bowl victory, with a roster of 53 Patrick Petersons.The Cardinals didn’t look good in their 13-10 victory Sunday against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, but wins all count the same, and Peterson played…
Not only did the Arizona Cardinals lose by 24 points this weekend to the New Orleans Saints — safety Rashad Johnson also lost about a quarter of the middle finger on his left hand.In Johnson’s honor, the team is working on a special foam finger, on a hand with approximately…
For Arizona Cardinals fans, waking up on Sundays in the fall is like Bill Murray waking up on February 2 in Groundhog Day.Even if you didn’t watch the Cardinals lose to the New Orleans Saints 31-7 yesterday, you’ve probably seen this game already — many times. See, Bill Murray eventually…
The Arizona Diamondbacks got a knockout punch straight in the kisser from the Los Angeles Dodgers (Los Doyers) yesterday.Not only did the Dodgers win the NL West title at Chase Field yesterday, but they also celebrated by jumping in the pool in right field — which is really a symbol…
The Arizona Cardinals earned their first win of the season yesterday, in a 25-21 win at home over the Detroit Lions.Larry Fitzgerald hardly played, while Calvin Johnson had 116 receiving yards and two touchdowns against the Cardinals defense, Carson Palmer threw a pick-six, and the Cardinals still managed to win…
The Phoenix Suns will be the most unwatchable team in the NBA, according to USA Today.Yes, that includes the Charlotte Bobcats and a team called the Pelicans…
If you planned on watching the Phoenix Suns this season, it might be time to make new plans.According to USA Today, the Suns will be the most unwatchable team in the NBA…
The Carson Palmer era for the Arizona Cardinals started off with a 24-27 loss to the St. Louis Rams. Yippee.Nearly all of the major problems with the Cardinals last year — a mostly incompetent offensive line, sub-par running game, poor tackling, bad pass defense, and general sucking — all returned…
The Arizona Cardinals are best in the league at something, and it’s certainly not offense, defense, or special teams.No, the Cards are the best in the league at avoiding being arrested…
The sale of the Phoenix Coyotes is a real thing.According to a press release from the team, “The Phoenix Coyotes announced today that IceArizona AcquisitionCo. LLC has closed on their purchase of the Phoenix Coyotes franchise from the National Hockey League. The sale and ownership transfer has been approved by…
The Arizona Diamondbacks announced that they’re adding a luchador as an official mascot of the team, and some people are poking fun at the move, naturally.We’re not sure if you’ve taken a look at the mascots around Major League Baseball recently, but a Mexican wrestler in a lucha libre mask…
The Spanish-language voice of the Arizona Diamondbacks was arrested after allegedly holding a knife to his wife’s throat at their Paradise Valley home.Miguel Quintana, 53, is in his 16th year doing play-by-play for the Spanish-language broadcasts of Diamondbacks games, was once the sports director for the local Univision station and…
Somehow, the Arizona Diamondbacks find themselves at the top of the NL West at the all-star break.Arizona has had its difficulties this year, including injuries to multiple starters, 24 games without a win by a starting pitcher, and bipolar play, in which the team will follow up a terrible series…
The Phoenix Coyotes (soon to be the Arizona Coyotes) are staying in Glendale.As has been the case every time it’s been said over the past few years that the Coyotes are staying, there are a few caveats…
The Arizona Diamondbacks’ relief pitching blew once again in Tuesday night’s 9-1 loss to the New York Mets…
The Arizona Diamondbacks officially have a crisis in the pitching department.Aside from Patrick Corbin, Wade Miley, and just a couple guys in the bullpen, Diamondbacks pitchers are costing the team win after win, including last night’s 13th-inning loss to the New York Mets at Citi Field…
The Arizona Diamondbacks continued their streak of miserable play in June this past weekend, wrapping up a pretty unremarkable month by getting swept by the Atlanta Braves. And it was because of poor pitching (big surprise) and costly errors. The D-backs (42-39) are somehow still in first place in the…
The Arizona Diamondbacks avoided a sweep in Washington yesterday, as Didi Gregorius dropped a successful bunt to hit in the go-ahead run in the top of the 11th against the Nationals.The pitching match-up between the D-backs’ Patrick Corbin and the Nats’ Stephen Strasburg delivered on the hype, as both went…
After a stellar rookie season in 2012, Arizona Diamondbacks starting pitcher Wade Miley has been more or less pretty bad this year. On Wednesday, he was refreshingly really good, but his team couldn’t muster any kind of offense and dropped its second consecutive game to the Washington Nationals. The 3-2…
Trevor Cahill’s pitching hurt the Arizona Diamondbacks again during the team’s Tuesday night 7-5 loss to the Washington Nationals. Cahill (3-8, 3.92 ERA), who only pitched one inning last week because of injury, was batted around by the Nationals lineup. After pitching two scoreless innings, the D-backs starter unraveled in…
Major League Baseball has decided to lighten up on the horse manure of a suspension it gave to D-backs backup first baseman Eric Hinske, after the team’s scuffle with the Los Angeles Dodgers earlier this month.Hinske’s suspension is now one game, down from five, but the punk seen punching Hinske,…
Paul Goldschmidt’s ass-kicking just doesn’t seem to end.Goldschmidt got at least one hit in each game — including two home runs on Friday — and set up a walk-off win on Saturday, as the Diamondbacks won two of three games in a weekend series against the Cincinnati Reds at Chase…
