Desperate measures

Endless love: The amount of money you spend is directly proportional to how much you really care

There’s a sucker born every minute, and apparently a lot of them have money to blow, from the looks of the “Ultimate Valentine Package” being pimped by Barcelona in Scottsdale. For losers, er, lovers who have 25 grand to spend on their soulmates, the restaurant promises an evening of over-the-top luxuries. Check out the goods from their press release (in bold):

Private Chauffeured transportation in a Rolls Royce Phantom — What is this, the prom?
Two Dozen Long Stemmed Roses — Go for the obvious.
Private Gazebo (filled with rose petals) at Barcelona Restaurant — It’ll be sooo romantic!
Private Tuxedoed Butler in the Gazebo — Because you’re still not rich enough to have a personal chef at home.
One bottle of Don Perignon Champagne — Because you have to get her drunk first.
(2) souvenir Waterford Crystal Champagne Glasses — Because you have a secret white trash compulsion to steal tableware.
Five course menu (including caviar appetizer) — Why bother? Your bulimic arm candy’s heading straight to the ladies’ room after eating something with calories.
Chocolate Fountain and Chocolate Covered Strawberry Dessert — See above.
Dedicated song and dance for Valentine couple (entertainment by ENVY) — Maybe something by Celine Dion?
His/Hers Cartier Watches — Bling worked for Kobe Bryant, too.
(1) night stay-Presidential Suite-Westin Kierland Resort — Don’t forget to bring the cigars…

Maybe I was supposed to be oohing and aahing at that list of splurges, but instead I was simulaneously smirking and gagging. And yes, there really is a $25,000 price tag. (Shit, you could throw a really great wedding for less than that, but I suspect that people who are this desperate probably wouldn’t even make it as far as an engagement.)

If somebody were going to spend that kind of cash on you, wouldn’t you rather just get a car with a big red bow on top? Or a few weeks at a swanky resort in Bali? Or a trip to Spain on a private jet, with dinner reservations at El Bulli? The possibilities are endless . . .