See also: The Most Anticipated Heavy Metal Releases of the Fall See also: The 10 Hottest Chicks in Metal See also: Six Desert Metal Bands You Need to Hear See also: A Closer Look at KUPD's MILF Contest 2012
There are few things in this world that have the ability to coax an "Awwwww...that is so damn adorable" out of me. Exceptions? A 4.5-inch Soundwagon on my favorite piece of vinyl, a little tiny VW bus that drives in circles, spitting out tunes through its built-in speaker. Miniature Maker's Mark bottles. Hot college chicks who think flashing their tits equals guys remembering their names.
But something that truly makes me feel a little soft is badass little metalhead kids. Infants rocking GWAR and AC/DC onesies. Five-year-olds throwing out devil horns, toothy grins, and Chuck Taylors. Just the other day, my friend's seven-year-old daughter asked me if I would take her to her first metal show; I practically melted before her mother firmly, and quickly, said, "Maybe when you're older."
I admittedly agreed with her -- who am I to argue with a woman who doesn't want 32 hours of labor tainted by skulls and spikes? But I also felt the need to inform this Lady Gaga-loving friend of mine that a 2007 British study concluded that gifted kids prefer heavy metal over any other genre of music, mainly because they can relate to the intensity and pent-up aggression.
According to this study, "Participants said they appreciated the complex and sometimes political themes of heavy metal music more than perhaps the average pop song." These kids would listen to such bands as System of a Down, Slipknot, Tool, Dragon Force, and In Flames, when they needed to blow off steam.
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I'm not the most comfortable around kids to begin with; they seem to like me, but I'm not sure why. Maybe they sense the awkward vibe I give out -- a cross between a 27-year-old baby duck knowing that she's supposed to have some sort of mother duck instinct kick in any day now...but there's a possibility that it just isn't in the cards.
That always causes people to be a little curious.
But I, of course, always seem to connect with the young'uns who have a penchant for metal; whose parents decided that Led Zeppelin lullabies and Slayer sweet dreams were the way to go. God knows that whenever I end up having kids some day, they will be listening to music for nine months before they are even in this world, and then will damn well have a mohawk until they are able to tell me that they don't want one anymore. I'm guessing the little dude or dudette will also be incredibly gifted, a.k.a able to bullshit their way through school and pound Jack Daniels like it's nobody's business (when, you know, that's okay for them to do).
So, in honor of little ones who rock, I compiled a list of metalhead kids inspired by Metal Injection.
This mohawked, nine-year-old Sid Vicious look-alike plays "Crazy Train" on stage at a show and totally rocks it.
The brother/sister duo Murp grind it out to several songs in YouTube videos that they've written on their own. The brother jams out on drums in the back while the five-year-old sister head bangs in between shooting innocent stares to whoever is in the background, and has a set of pipes on her that would make Lizzy Hale proud.
Now, this seven-year-old girl may not be making any music, but she certainly may be inking up some musicians one day. This video shows her tattooing a guy's leg, concentrated and dedicated even while she's bedecked in pastel hues and puff paint. Jesus, she looks like Rainbow Bright branding some villain.
Now we're getting into the thick of it. These kids can't be older than eight, but their cover of Rammstein scored them a spot actually opening up for the band after someone in the band or on the crew caught sight of this video.
While we all know "Enter Sandman" is the first song any kid learns when they pick up a guitar, this band of rockers no older than 10, known as The Mini Band, really impresses with their take of the song.
This video is by far one of my favorites. Not only because a friend posted a photo of this girl's face with the words "The wheels on the buss go 'round and 'round, like a circle pit" on my Facebook page, but because she's truly dedicated to becoming a musician one day. The girl, named Juliet, has been inspiring little kids all over to do their own heavy videos.
Now, this is what I'm talking about when it comes to starting them young. This is baby Jonah, and he loves Pantera. He walks around and he head bangs as if he's circle-pitting with the best of them at a basement show. As said by Metal Injection, if this video doesn't put a smile on your face, you have no soul.
Hmm...what to do when your kid is bored, you're a black metal dad, and it's arts and crafts time?
In this family, they don't have to worry about their kid whining and wanting to hearYo! Gabba Gabba
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. And whatever they did, it's definitely something right. A kid who cries because there's not enough Iron Maiden in his life? Good God. Don't worry, kid. I've been there as well.