As an underage concertgoer, there are always a handful of shows I wish I could legitimately get into... or at least illegitimately get into with a fake ID.
When I was 17, someone made me a fake high school ID that said I was 18 so I could get into a gig in New York City... Oh, the desperately low standards of youth.
Now that my days of getting into trouble with fake IDs are over, it's time I spread the good word to help out others. Hopefully these tips will help you gain entry to your favorite shows so you can rock your face off.
9. If you're buying a custom fake, assure accuracy above all else. Make sure the shady shmoe who's making your ID doesn't make your name Michael Jones and have the signature say Brian Michael Jones. No dice.
8. Likewise, make the photo look believable. That is, wear what you'd wear to the DMV in the picture. Guys, spare the venue bouncers and don't wear any eyeliner in the photo you have on your fake ID. I'm sure they're not interested in knowing how truly emo you are. Girls, don't wear a tube top when you get your photo taken for your fake ID. Everyone knows you wouldn't show up to the DMV wearing that.
7. Make it clean. For goodness sake, don't let your older brother just glue your picture on top of his picture on the ID he used to use. Uneven textures and glue smudges won't do you any good. If your height and weight don't match up with that of your sibling, you're out of luck as far as borrowing a sibling's ID goes. It's also a good idea to use your real name in case you're asked for a second form of identification. If you're paying between $100 and $150 -- that's the going rate -- then you should guarantee that your ID will turn out better than the one your brother could make for you anyway.
6. Buy from an appropriately disreputable source. Wanna find someone who'll sell you a fake? Ask friends who have good fakes. Or check out local head shops, which is a great place to find someone who produces fakes on the DL. Then, know what you want. Do a little reading about which states actually have flimsy driver's license cards. I used to know an 18-year-old who had a fake New York ID that was an actual plastic card, and all I could say was, "You've got to be kidding me, man." California's got the flimsy kind too, so if you get a fake California driver's license that's as stiff as a credit card, you've been duped.
5. Pay attention to the numbers. Make sure your birthday (aside from the year, obvi) is the same as your actual birthday -- bouncers often question you about your zodiac sign to throw you off. Speaking of dates, check the accuracy of the birthday, issue date and expiration date on the card. Verify that the birthday would make you at least 21 years old, that the issue date would be after your fake 21st birthday, and that the card doesn't expire before you turn 21 in reality. If any of that information is wrong, you're out of luck once you take it and you've paid. Also, bouncers love fake Arizona ID's that have an expiration date that would occur way before you turn 65, so be aware of that oddity.
4. If you're going to bother with holograms, don't let the dude that's making your ID stick one on that uses the words "genuine" or "authentic." Plus, it's a dead giveaway if the hologram has a graphic of a key or a shield. Older models of a few states' driver's licenses actually didn't use a hologram, so if you get a fake ID with the old template from Maine or Delaware, make sure that it doesn't have a hologram sticker.
3. Even though the only thing on your mind is how excited you are about the concert you're going to, taking a minute to memorize your fake address always helps... especially when your ID says you're from somewhere questionable and really far away, like Delaware.
2. If you're a girl and you know your fake ID is crummy, try to dress like you're a loose 30 years old. You won't be fooling anyone, but you might not fail anyway.
1. Be careful about using a fake ID that you know doesn't scan... or don't be careful and have a fun time taking a risk right before your favorite show.
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