Introducing Phoenix New Times music editor Chris Coplan

In the two-ish weeks that Chris Coplan has been the music editor of Phoenix New Times, he has already signed his name to a pair of cover stories. You might assume he's wildly prolific. To that we’d retort that technically one of those covers was a freelance piece he sorta rode into office. But then you look at his author page and note that Chris has racked up damn near four hundred bylines in this paper, dating back to 2018. You were correct! This man knows how to churn 'n' burn!

(Let his somber tale stand as a warning to anyone looking to freelance: Beware. It might lead to full-time employment.)

For the first time since he started here, he isn't working on another tome — yet, anyway. So the staff took this opportunity to pelt him with questions: on great albums, abhorrent songs, late-night eats and his complaints about the local scene. Turns out the guy who knows Phoenix music as well as anyone thinks plushies, of all things, might cure what ails it.

The following transcript has been condensed from a 15-hour interrogation in a windowless basement.

(Editor's Note: Chris insisted we intro the Q&A with "the greatest song man has ever known." Sigh.)
So, Chris, it's been 21 years since someone named Chris was music editor of Phoenix New Times (i.e. Christopher O'Connor). How do you plan to exceed his Chris-ness, in order to succeed?

I used to work as a resume writer. Every time I had a client named Christopher (it was never Chris), I’d realize again just how much I’ve never interacted with another Chris in a way that’s enjoyable whatsoever. We must be like Betta fish that fight once they see one another. That said, I’ll just be the best Chris I can be and hopefully that’s enough. That, and in the digital age, no one remembers anything pre-2015 anyhow.

How do you pronounce your last name? "Cope-lan" (rhymes with "Nope, man") "Cop-lan" (rhymes with "Stop, man") or "Co-pee-lan" (rhymes with "Mopey man")?

It’s “Cope-lan,” but I don’t care to correct anyone ever again.

My friends and I constantly have debates about "perfect" albums — those that are fantastic front to back, with no skippable tracks. Do you think perfect albums exist? If so, what's one you'd cite?

Not to get all New Age-y on only the third question, but I think perfect albums exist for the individual. Elvis Costello and The Attraction’s “Armed Forces” is a perfect album for me. You might think it’s the worst thing ever. Perfect is in the eye of the beholder, and you should like what you like with a passion — the only person it matters to is the person the album moves.

That said, David Bowie’s “Low” is a perfect album, objectively.
What is your opinion on people wearing the T-shirt of the band at that band's show?

I don't care how good "PCU" is, wear the dang shirt. And while you're there, buy another one, change mid-show and then tell everyone.

Which local AZ artist or band doesn’t get enough national love?

Everyone should be in love with Playboy Manbaby — they’re the real deal. Also, Veronica Everheart should be a much bigger deal on TikTok or whatever Chinese-language app the kids have moved to now.

Imagine you’re a wedding DJ who has just seen a grease fire explode in the kitchen. You need to clear the dance floor, pronto. What song do you play to send every last person sprinting toward an exit?

Anything from Gorgoroth’s “Under the Sign of Hell." I once listened to the record for seven hours straight (as part of an essay/story). It changed my core body temperature.

Fuck, Marry, Kill (Arizona events edition): WM Open, Viva PHX, Barrett-Jackson?

I’d fuck Viva PHX, ’cause it was a lot of fun. I’d marry Barrett-Jackson ’cause C.R.E.A.M. And I’d kill the WM Open for all the most obvious reasons.

If music journalism didn’t exist, what would you be doing for a living?

In descending order of likelihood: comics journalist (I’ve done that already); mortician; pro wrestler; and Batman-esque vigilante. Oh, and pitmaster.

Let’s say you are a 30-something dad whose musical tastes these days don't extend much further than songs served up by the TikTok algorithm and the Disney classics your 4-year-old daughter belts in the car. What Arizona artists can break a man out of this rut?

I feel you and I see you (cause I know where your office is). That said, I’d tell you to try a little sampler platter of The Joeys, Veronica Everheart, Teek Hall, Glixen, Katie Mae and the Lubrication, Yellowcake, Paper Foxes, Astrologer, Pijama Piyama and Snailmate.

And make your daughter listen, too. By the time she’s five she’ll be exceedingly cool.
That’s a whole roster there. So to put you squarely on the spot: Who’s your favorite local band/artist of all time? You gotta pick just one.

Jimmy Eat World. Enough said.

Sing it back, my man. Now, here, take this flux capacitor. You can travel through time and re-experience one show in Phoenix. Which one do you pick and why?

Whatever 2008 show was the last for The Format before they went on hiatus. But if I can squeeze enough juice out of the old machine, I’d go see Blk Jks with, like, eight other people at Modified Arts circa October 2009.

What are five things Phoenix's music scene is in dire need of these days? Serious answers only.

One, more festivals that stand the test of time. Yadda yadda, fests are hard to run and they’re expensive. Sure. But we have perfect weather from October to May, there's so much dang space across the Valley and we have heaps of bands built for live music ready to go.

Two, more breakout artists. We need a major band (that isn't Jimmy Eat World, like, 25 years ago) to make it big. Someone who shows the rest of the country that our humble state is a proper contender in the national musical hierarchy.

Three, we need the ability to stand on our own. As much as we need that one big band, we don’t need to lean on our proximity to L.A. or Texas. We're our own weird, wonderful thing. Phoenix music is enough to be sustainable and important all on its own.

Four, we need to cultivate entire scenes. Bands here are often islands unto themselves. They should do better to connect and unite. Even hyping each other up more in the media, online, etc., would go a long way toward highlighting our deep hip-hop scene, or the many varieties of indie rock that abound Phoenix.

Last, I want to see more great merch. There’s not nearly enough cool stuff at shows — even better shirts would be a huge plus. Heck, get weird with it and sell, like, plushies or whatever. This is my small but mighty complaint.
With that, let’s close with your perfect night out in downtown Phoenix. Dinner, maybe a pre- or post-concert drink, and a venue you know always delivers. Pretend someone else is paying, even. Where are you heading?

Well, if someone's paying, I'm beginning with dinner at Welcome Diner: poutine, jackfruit fries and Champion Burger.

For a pre-show drink, I'll go to Gracie's Tax Bar. Their beer is cheap and I like staring at the vape vending machine while contemplating capitalism.

Then I'm headed to the Van Buren. I love me a solid regional/important-ish national band. Oh, and the bathrooms are pretty clean. Mostly.

What’s left to add, that we didn’t ask?

Just a shout-out to readers. Please reach out to me however you can/prefer. I love Phoenix, you love Phoenix, so let's make it as cool as we can.