I like to compare "Group Night," during Hollywood Week of American Idol, to what I've heard it's like to give birth: You look forward to it at first, because it seems like it should be so drama-filled and juicy and fun to watch. And then you start to watch (or go into labor, if you're sticking with me through my awkward analogy) and it hits you: Group Night is completely and utterly torturous and scream-inducing. (Where's the dude with the epidural when you need him?)
So last night, the 147 auditioners sent to Hollywood were whittled down to 75 and, in the process, we got to watch a bunch of screeching, self-important whiners pretend that they are better than everyone else on the show and that following their "dream" is the only thing that matters, and no one is going to take that away from them, dammit!
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At least that's what Tatiana del Toro, from the San Francisco auditions, and Nathaniel Marshall, from the New York auditions, would have us believe. The two screamed, cried, and whined so much over the course of the hour that, for a minute, I forgot I was watching Idol and thought I had accidentally turned the station to a really bad episode of Supernanny, in which the kids had overactive pituitary glands. Tatiana bitched to the girls in her group about how they "didn't know what she went through to get there," and Daniel wanted to let everyone within earshot know that "it's not just their dreams at stake here." Ugh.
Unfortunately, that was the "highlight" of last night's episode. An Osmond was cut, a Jasmine was saved, dirty hippie Rose Flack was let go, Bikini Girl acted like a spoiled diva and got her ass cut (about damn time). It was all very played up by the producers in an effort to get us to find the whole thing interesting. So let me be the one to say it on behalf of the viewers: No matter how good your editors are, Idol, it still ain't interesting. Sorry. Good try, though!
Oh, we do find out that Scottsdale's Scott Mcintyre and Mesa's Justin Williams definitely made it onto the next round, so that was kind of cool.
Next week: Top 36 time. Praise Jeebus.