Music News

Coldplay Singer Chris Martin Is Married to Gwyneth Paltrow, but We Want to Know Who Wears the Pants

With Coldplay hitting town, we got to thinking about frontman Chris Martin and his wife, actress Gwyneth Paltrow. Given the success on both sides of that marriage, who really wears the pants? Come to think of it, who wears the pants in a lot of these musician-celebrity pairings?

Chris Martin versus Gwyneth Paltrow

Chris Martin: Coldplay has won four Grammys, including the coveted Record of the Year in 2004 for "Clocks." Not content to just be critical successes, the band has also sold more than 40 million albums worldwide. Though that's nothing compared to U2's 140 million, it ain't exactly something to turn your nose up at.

Gwyneth Paltrow: Paltrow won a Best Actress Oscar in 1999 for her role in Shakespeare in Love. Since the momentous win, almost nothing but frightening critical and commercial duds, until Iron Man earlier this year.

Winner: Martin sits at the head of this table. That's what happens when you're one of the most popular musicians in the world and your wife played a superhero sidekick with only 10 lines.

Seal versus Heidi Klum

Seal: Seal can't exactly be called a one-hit wonder, but we dare you to name a hit of his other than Grammy-winning "Kiss from a Rose" — a chart-topping single that achieved international fame thanks to its role in the atrocious Batman Forever (1995).

Heidi Klum: Aside from being one of the world's most famous (not to mention successful) supermodels and, at 35 with three kids, still a prominent Victoria's Secret model, Klum is the host of one of the most successful reality shows on TV today, Project Runway. Her tagline — "You're either in, or you're out" — is repeated by women and gay men around the world.

Winner: Seal, hands down. No matter how successful his wife ends up, nothing she does will ever trump the fact that he goes to bed with one of the most beautiful people in the world every night.

Madonna versus Guy Ritchie

Madonna: The Queen of Pop has sold more than 200 million albums, has a net worth of close to a half-billion dollars, and has set more trends than all of her peers combined. Sure, she might have starred in some of the worst movies ever made, but did we mention she's worth a half-billion friggin' dollars?

Guy Ritchie: Ritchie has directed three movies that no one can tell apart (RockNRolla being the latest), a pretty awful movie (Revolver), and one of the five worst movies of the new millennium (Swept Away, starring Madonna).

Winner: Madonna is finally divorcing the hack after almost eight years of his always standing two feet behind her. So, who do you think?

KEEP PHOENIX NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Cole Haddon