In this week's issue, I penned a piece for the music section pimping tomorrow night's release party for the Chronicles of Sheriff Joe split seven-inch. Three local bands -- Andrew Jackson Jihad, Treasure Mammal, and Porches -- each contributed songs that roast Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio with plenty of vitriol and a good helping of humor.
The fourth song on the record ("America's Toughest Sheriff") has something of a pro-Joe bent, however, and is downright supportive of the county's top lawman (albeit in acerbic, tounge-in-cheek fashion). It was penned by the joke-punksters of Fathers Day in Swiftian fashion, where they play devil's advocates of sorts and cheer on Arpaio as being a badass.
If you're not familiar with Fathers Day (which is fronted by local performance artist and wiseacre Ryan Avery), the members of the comedy punk band portray themselves as a sextet of misogynistic and bigoted abusive dads in the vein of Archie Bunker.
So it stands to reason that their onstage characters would be fans of the shurf when they sing about how he's "the bravest, the strongest, and smartest man the world has ever known."
We're pretty sure the members of Fathers Day were in character (or trying to poke fun at the Nativist brigade in satirical fashion ) when we interviewed them over Facebook recently about the song and their appreciation of Arpaio.
New Times: Why did Fathers Day decide to write a pro Joe Arpaio song for the record?
Fathers Day: Because we support him, we support Western style justice. 'Nuff said.
NT: The lyrics of "America's Toughest Sheriff" describe Joe as being "Arizona's messiah." Do you honestly feel that is true?
FD: Yes, in that he is saving the GOOD people of Arizona.
NT: Good as in?
NT: Um, that seems a wee bit racist, which leads me to my next question: Don't you think his record of racially motivated arrests and immigration sweeps are deplorable and evil?
FD: Its something we feel we need and must fight for. We don't even hate Mexicans...unless they are illegal. Legal is regal.
NT: So I guess its safe to say that you guys love Arpaio.
FD: We love Arpaio as much as a man loves his privacy. Arpaio reminds us of the good ol' days, when men were men and women were in the kitchen. Wearing only an apron and high heels when the kids were out for play.
NT: So tell me a little more about the your song.
FD: It's a song of praise and American pride. If Joe Arpaio had a theme song, this would be it.
NT: How did it come about?
FD: We were tired of hippies ragging on this guy and hearing people slander the great name of Joe Arpaio, a hard-working American like YOU and ME [who] protects the people of this fair state. Like, if this song keeps one hippie from getting another hippie pregnant (by harshing his mellow), we will have done our job.
NT: What is Fathers Day opinion about his detractors?
FD: Those hairy women and poorly fed young boys like to get hard-ons over hating white people. Its part of their mateing [sic] ritual.
NT: What do you think about the other bands that did anti-Joe songs on the record?
FD: We have not listened to them although we do enjoy songs by C.C.R. and Grand Funk Railroad.
NT: I suspect those are two of Joe's favorite bands. So you haven't heard the rest of the songs on the record then?
FD: We did not listen to it. We thought this was an unbiased record, and then we saw this filthy cover of a giant elephant dick-nose on our beloved sheriff. We like to be fair and balanced. This was obviously some kind of liberal smear campaign. We were tricked. TRICKED!
NT: Has Joe heard the song yet?
FD: I don't know if Joe Arpaio has heard the song. I can't keep track of everything he does. He's busy keeping us safe.
NT: Safe from whom?
FD: Here's the real problem: if an illegal immigrant breaks into your house and commits a crime, he has no record and can just go free! If there were some way we could just record every illegal immigrant that came here, we'd be fine. But we can't. So we need to send them back to the filth they came from. And stop them from littering in the desert. And putting drugs in the water.
NT: You aren't foolish enough to think they're responsible for those so called "headless torsos"?
FD: Those poor torsos. Everyone deserves head.
NT: Do you think Joe would dig the song?
FD: Yes, I feel Joe Arpaio would approve of our song.
NT: Would you become MCSO deputies or be willing to perform it at Joe's press conferences or immigration sweeps?
FD: Of course. We could only hope.
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NT: Do you think he's evil?
FD: Are you listening? Have you heard anything we've said so far? Do you need me to come over there and take the wax out of your ears?
FD: He's doing the right thing for Arizona. If that's evil, then I'm the devil.