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| Comedy |

Finally, a Christmas Sweater That Says "Kill Your Mother Rape Your Dog" on It

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Any true heavy metal fan can attest to the fact that the worlds of fashion and heavy metal should never go hand-in-hand -- but this day and age, selling out and heading mainstream is only becoming more prevalent.

So years back, when a handful of heavy metal bands began releasing Christmas sweaters, it didn't bother me too much. I mean, what family gathering couldn't benefit from a holiday outfit bedecked in inverted crosses and skulls?

But this year, shit has really hit the fan. Metallica, Between the Buried and Me, Motorhead, OTEP, August Burns Red, and a ton more have came out.

And then, my personal favorite shockers: Attila, complete with two reindeers having sex, and Dying Fetus, which states "Kill Your Mother Rape Your Dog." Huh. Not sure if my grandfather would appreciate that kind of humor on Christmas or not. Either way, these sweaters will probably be out of style by next year. I think I'm just going to shake it up and purchase one now that it's on sale. Then, I'm gonna wear it on Valentine's Day -- anytime except the holiday season.

Though at first it was a novelty, a gag gift, or just a great way for anyone to attract another metalhead under the mistletoe at a holiday party, the jig is up. This constant commercialization of the heavy metal genre needs to slow its roll. In fact, this is just the intro to one of the upcoming "Metal Monday" columns, where the evolution of a stage show will be discussed just in time for all the kick-ass New Years live concerts.

So I hope you had a very metal Christmas and get ready for 2014, a year that will be full of some fantastic heavy metal releases, festivals, and concerts.

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