February 24, 2012 | 11:00am
It seems as though Chris Brown and Rihanna have set aside their differences to make two new remixes
together. But let's be real, even I haven't moved on from their relationship, so how could they?
The finished products of both remixes are out
, and they're nothing special really. But come on guys, I really don't need to hear about how Rihanna sings to Chris that she's gonna "make you my bitch." That doesn't make me even half as uncomfortable as when Chris sings, "Girl, I want to fuck you right now / been a long time / I've been missing your body." Is this a joke, guys?
Here are five reasons why we're appalled that Rihanna would approach Chris Brown about musical collaborations.
5. He's not going to boost sales of these songs like he would have in 2007.
Oh please, these songs
are awful. If they make big sales at all, it'll be because of Rihanna, not because of Chris.
4. Just because he got two showcase slots at this year's Grammy Awards doesn't mean he was actually any good.
The fact that he beat up Ri-Ri isn't the only reason he doesn't sell records like he used to. He's just not the hit making machine that he used to be. When you're at the Grammys, it's because you're prominent, not always because you're good anymore.
3. Speaking of the Grammys, this year's award show had tons of girls inviting Chris Brown to beat them up to.
Lots of them. Bitches took to Twitter
to express sentiments such as, "Call me crazy buttttttttt I would let Chris Brown beat me up anyyyy day" and "Chris Brown could be me all he wants, he is flawless." Wtf, America?
2. He beat her! What, did she forget?
After what Chris did to Rihanna, there aren't any circumstances in which it's alright for her to just pull some of that "forgive and forget because we're both famous, and this will look interesting in the media" crap. Frankly, The-Dream can put a sock in it
. Apparently he doesn't realize the consequences of forgiving and forgetting in a situation like this.
1. People should turn their complaints into a call for action.
One of my colleagues recently mentioned that if everyone that's yapping about how awful this Rihanna/Chris Brown situation is would just donate a few bucks to a women's shelter like Safe Horizon
or something of that sort, then this story could end up having a positive side.
Here's one of their new remixes, "Birthday Cake (Remix)." If you have morals, be prepared to cringe at the lyrics.