Local Wire


Dear Ladies,

Valentine's Day may be past, but don't worry, your number-one loverman has a special night of romance in store when I slide into town. First, I'm gonna set the mood right so you won't even remember you're in a club surrounded by hundreds of other screaming women -- you'll be feelin' like it's just you and me lying by the fireplace, drinking some fine wine, staring longingly into each other's eyes while my super-cut abs, all glistening with baby oil, get your juices flowing. You'll forget all about R. Kelly and his 49 chapters of Trapped in the Closet and drift back to a time when I was the king of the romantic R&B slow jam. I know it's been a while, baby, but I got some brand-new songs like "When We Make Love" and "I'm in Love" to make you squirm with pleasure while we get ready to make it last all night, or at least for the hour or so I'm onstage. And just when you think I can't take you any higher, I'll push you over the edge with my biggest hit, "Pony" . . . you remember that one, right? "Oooh, if you're horny, let's do it, ride it, my pony, my saddle's waitin', come and jump on it . . ." Think you can handle it, baby?

Your special loverman,

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