Film and TV

'Idol' Hollywood Week 2: The Return of Kai Kalama

So before we delve into Tuesday night's episode of Idol, I need to pose one very pressing question: What the eff was Paula wearing around her neck?! 

Abdul has worked some pretty funky neckwear over the span of Idol, but this particular piece of hardware takes the proverbial cake. It looked as if she accidentally threw all of her silverware in a trash compactor, saw the results, and went, "Oooooh, pretty! A necklace I shall make!" Either that, or it was her misguided homage to Mr. T. The scary part is, Paula has her own line of jewelry for the Home Shopping Network. Like, they let her design her own jewlery. And people buy it. Paula is single-handedly creating an army of ridiculously train-wreck blinged-out stay-at-home mothers. What have you done for America lately, Simon? But I digress. On to the show: 

So last night, the 72 (there were 75 last week, but apparently three ran for the hills) remaining contestants from last week were whittled down to 50 in the infamous, "The judges look at everybody's pictures and pretend to actually have a discussion about who they're going to cut and then divide everyone into rooms" episode. Also, now everybody can choose to play an instrument during their song, which usually proves disastorous, unless your name is Scott McIntyre (Scottsdale, holla at your boy!), and then you're golden!

The whole episode is (surprise, surprise) pretty effing anticlimactic and predictable (Wait, they're sending what's-her-name who has never gotten more than two seconds of screen time home? Noooo!), but there were some bright spots from last night.

For instance, am I the only one who feels increasingly like Hollywood Week has turned the Kodak Theater into a giant gay cabaret? From Adam Lambert's ridiculously over-the-top version of Cher's "Believe" to Nathaniel Marshall and the completely uncomfortable playing of his guitar during his rendition of "Disturbia" to Nick Mitchell and his Norman Gentle alter ego, al that's missing is for RuPaul to walk out and tell everybody they'd better work. For me, this is awesome, because I heart the gays, and I also think it is payback for Danny Noriega's untimely dismissal last season.

We also got to see some familiar faces from auditions past who had seemed to disappear. For instance, I said to myself just last week, "Self? What the hell happened to Kai Kalama from the San Francisco auditions? How are you going to find him and make him give you children if he was kicked off the show?" And then, last night, my prayers were answered: There was Kai, looking hotter than ever--and sucking big time. His voice cracked, he was totally pitchy, and it looked like goodbye for my boyfriend. But somehow, miracle of miracles, he made it through to the next round. Along with a bunch of people who forgot the words to their songs, including Joanna "I've Alread Had a Record Contract" Pacitti  and Stephen "Awesome Fro" Fowler. Remember during the first episodes of Hollywood Week, Simon promised everyone that if they forgot the lyrics, they were going home? Yeah, apparently that only applies to people they don't like. It's actually pretty unfair, but nobody has ever accused Idol of being a bastion of justice and morality.

Speaking of which: Why the hell is Tatiana del Toro still on this show, other than that her ridiculous antics garner the show some ratings? OK, I guess I just answered my own question.

People who actually deserved to get through and actually did: Our boy Scott, or as many blogs have taken to calling him, "Blind Guy"; Anoop Desai, who is apparently cool enough to wear sunglasses indoors now; Matt Giraud, the hot deuling piano player and Alexis Grace, the cute single mom.

One person who deserved to get through because Joanna effing Pacitti or Tatiana del Toro took her spot: Leneshe Young, or "Poor Girl," who wrote her own songs and who I thought was mad talented. Other than that, I could have predicted this show in my sleep.

Tonight:  Top 36 time. I need a Xanax. And while we're at it, let's give Tatiana del Toro one or 50.

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Yvonne Zusel
Contact: Yvonne Zusel