[Editor's Note: In his column Serrano Time, award-winning writer and goofball Shea Serrano writes about his life and times (and Katy Perry's "Roar."]
History: Katy Perry was born in 1984, except back then people called her "Katy Hudson" because that's her real name. In 2001, she was like, "You know what? I'm gonna release a Christian album," so that's what she did. It flopped.
Then she was like, "You know what? God can't take me to the top, bro, but I know what can," and so she changed her name to Katy Perry and swapped out our Lord and Savior for a bra that squirts out whipped cream. She's since sold approximately 10 million albums. "Roar" comes from her new album, Prism. It's not that great, but since she's not talking about Jesus Christ it was able to top the charts. Pretty cool world. Here's why it sucks: