License to Ill: Ten Songs for the Sickly

The weather in Phoenix is finally starting to cool down. Lots of people have geared up by dusting off their jackets and/or uselessly wearing Ugg boots and scarves even though it's really not cold enough for that crap. (Is it ever cold enough for Uggs?)

'Tis the season to catch a cold, especially if you aren't dressed for the daily fifteen-degree temperature difference from the time you leave your house in the morning to the time you leave work.

And if you're one of those loose girls who thinks it's cute to wear short shorts even though it's 50 degrees, you're asking for it...a cold, I mean.

A few people are already feeling under the weather, so here is some advice through music for all of you Phoenicians who need to rest up and chug some Nyquil.

"Down With the Sickness," Disturbed

The dudes of Disturbed seem oddly alright with feeling under the weather. I, for one, am not particularly down with any sort of sickness, which leads me to recommend that David Draiman should see a doctor to have his head examined.

"Cough Syrup," Young the Giant
Sip on some sizzurp and you'll be sleeping like a baby...or getting high...or starting to feel good as new again.

"Bad Medicine," Bon Jovi
Check the expiration dates on your old medicine bottles because those outdated pharmaceutical remedies have got to go!

"Rest in the Bed," Laura Marling
Nurse Laura recommends plenty of rest so can get back to being your old healthy self in no time at all.

"Here Comes That Sick Bitch," Hardcore Superstar
That's what they'll say when you're the girl coming down the hall with a handful of tissues and a dry, red nose.

"Shut Your Mouth When You Sneeze," Screamin' Jay Hawkins
Props to Screamin' Jay for giving sick people a piece of his mind. Make an extra effort not to spit or sneeze on others, and keep your germs to yourself. Hell, nobody wants yours.

"Sleep Forever," Portugal. The Man
If Laura Marling's orders weren't enough, you're gonna need to let Portugal. The Man give it to you straight: sleep seemingly forever if you want to fully recover from some sicknesses.

"Hands Clean," Alanis Morissette
You best be picking up some Lysol and Clorox wipes next time you're at the grocery store so you don't contaminate the shit out of everything you touch. Then again, it might be easier to just keep your hands clean.

"Take It Easy," The Eagles
Sometimes pushing yourself too hard can take a toll on your system. Take it from the Eagles: take it easy, man.

"Sick of You," Cake
Maybe what you're really sick of is the people around you. Check out some new hang out spots so you can make some new friends, but not until you buy more Kleenex.

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Lenni Rosenblum