What do you when you can't sniff another appearance on Leno? When your agent can't get AM radio to touch you? When there's no literally viable source for promoting your music to mainstream audiences beyond a television shopping network?

If you're Meat Loaf, you go on QVC on May 4 (noon Eastern, 9 a.m. Arizona time) to perform "Los Angeloser" and "Paradise by the Dashboard Light."

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The "pop icon" (the press release's words, not mine) "whose impassioned voice has helped him soar to 60 million worldwide album sales through the course his career" (that's a little staggering) will appear on Tuesday's QCheck.

"Los Angeloser" comes from his "much-anticipated" (again, not my words) new album, Hang Cool Teddy Bear, (seriously, that's the title?) due to hit stores on May 11. As you can bet, the all-too-autobiographical new track won't be the only song the Loaf performs, trotting out, "Paradise by the Dashboard Light," undoubtedly to get this show book. On QVC.

"Hang Cool Teddy Bear is the most important record of my life," Meat Loaf said, about the new disc, packaged for QVC with a bonus disc of classic live material. "This will be the first live performance of any song from this album in the world. I'm excited to be able to share this extraordinary moment with QVC and reach direct into the homes of all my fans."

If this woefully pathetic announcement doesn't ruin your Monday, go watch some YouTube videos of Darfur or something.