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GTL: The process of staying fresh and mint. Stands for “Gym, tan, laundry.” Must be done every day to achieve maximum potential. Side effects may include fist pumping. Coined by the eloquent Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from MTV’s ground breaking Jersey Shore.
You gotta GTL everyday to make sure you’re looking your best bro. If your shirt looks bad it makes the whole product look bad.
Don’t worry about muscle fatigue or skin cancer, GTL must be done on the regular to look your best. Every piece of clothing you own must be taken to the dry cleaners daily, with the exception of bedding, which just needs about half a bottle of Axe spritzed on it right before a lady comes over.
MTV premieres the latest episode of Jersey Shore tonight at 10 p.m. In the mean time, here’s Up on the Sun’s music guide to maximizing your Guido-gorilla-juicehead potential.
Note: house music is an acceptable substitution to anything on this list.
GYM
Olivia Newton John– Physical
Supposedly this song is about sex. Whatever you say, Sandra Dee.
Daft Punk– Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger
You’ve gotta get that body harder, better, faster, and stronger to impress the ladies.
Kanye West– The New Workout Plan
Your very own guide to finding a rapper, an NBA player, or at least a guy with a car.
Survivor– Eye of the Tiger
Beating up the beat takes some serious training.
TAN
Das Racist– All Tan Everything
das racist – all tan everything (featuring jay-z) (produced by sabzi) by H+ Records
It’s tough for white people to tan — so they frequent tanning salons.
Natasha Beddingfield– Pocket Full of Sunshine
It may be the “worst song ever” but it’s all sunny and whatnot, and Emma Stone makes it more bearable in Easy A.
Brian Hyland– Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini
But watch out for tan lines.
Justice– Tthhee Ppaarrttyy
Justice – Tthhee Ppaarrttyy by Boobaloon
Your skin doesn’t turn orange from tanning; it turns orange from the bling.
LAUNDRY
The Hold Steady– Navy Sheets
“Everybody’s coming on their navy sheets/everybody wants to suck on something sweet.” Sounds about right.
Ellie Goulding– Under the Sheets
For those regrettable one night stands.
Descendents– Clean Sheets
Imagine how filthy the smush room sheets are. You know, GTL really needs to extend to bedding.
Neil Patrick Harris– The Laundry Song
Dr. Horrible has the best laundry song of all. And you can’t put it past a true Guido to pick up ladies at the laundromat.
