Noise Complaint: Hate, Rain on Me

People from Phoenix treat the summer like the zombie apocalypse. I realize this every time I stare out of a car window at people groaning and lifelessly shuffling in the heat. I think about how I would never dare go out there, for fear of being infected.

The sun in Phoenix has a magical effect on people. It makes every minor inconvenience seem like an attack on your dignity as a human being. It also turns previously sane people into deranged lunatics.

For example, I had to fill up a bike tire at a gas station. It's a normally simple task that seemed like a personal injustice thanks to the sun. When I was finished, I barged into the gas station convenience store and heard the song "Ooh Child" by The Five Stairsteps playing on the radio.

Now, under normal circumstances I think that song is one of the most overtly positive and optimistic songs ever written. But thanks to the heat I began to curse the song and shake my fist at the speakers. Because in Phoenix during the summer, the last thing I want to be told is that "things will get brighter."

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >