Music News

Oh, God, Miley Cyrus Is Coming to Phoenix

PHOENIX, AZ: 2 AMC. Some of the elders still remember the Beforetimes. They claim not to, especially to the guards, but I see it in their faces when they're alone together. They remember life before Miley Cyrus came to Phoenix.

When they're alone -- after work and before the Two Minute Sext -- I watch them put their tongues back into their mouths and talk about their old jobs. The Bathroom Attendant says he was a doctor, once. The Sexy Pizza Guy was a teacher. The Foreman of the Ball Crew I'm with -- jeesh 4777, out in the Scottsdale quadrant -- says he used to do the same job, only inside the crane.

Now he rides the wrecking ball, and he keeps his hate bottled up. We all do. In his quarters, in a corner the cameras don't quite see, he's been fashioning a forbidden article out of cotton balls he sneaks from surplus Oxy bottles. They cover his legs and block the RFID tag on his inner thigh. "They're pantz," he told me, once. He was drunk, and talkative. "We wore them over our dongz. Before the Bangerz came."

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Dan Moore