The MTV Video Music Awards Get Worse Every Year

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MTV's annual Video Music Awards have been working their way steadily downhill for a few years now.

This year's show was pretty damn near the bottom of the slope, one would hope. The 2010 iteration included predictable performances, a lack of pans to stars in the crowd, and a lack of award winners shown. Overall, the show was a little confusing. The whole broadcast was a series of events that barely connected to each other and happened just because they could.

If you care to see a series of performances after which you might feel like four minutes of your life just passed that you can never get back, you may now do so.

Nicki Minaj's performance included metallic spandex suits with a pink updo that look like it came straight out of the show Futurama. Will.i.am was dressed in sleek black material as well. Did anyone else notice all the mean looking ridiculous facial expressions she made during her show? She looked like a complete goofball.

Next, host Chelsea Handler made a Lady Gaga spectacle by wearing an elaborate outfit that included a hat that was a house with a garage in which her head was encased. She then released a dove from a box that covered her stomach. It was a decent jab at Lady Gaga's past wardrobe antics.

On another note, breaking news: Lady Gaga has a soul! Not only did she bring discharged soldiers who were affected by the "don't ask, don't tell" policy to accompany her to the awards and advocate gay rights, but she cried during her first acceptance speech of the evening. Plus, her second outfit, which was too heavy for her to walk in, looked like her dress gave birth to another dress.

Justin Bieber's outdoor performance resembled The Today Show. At one point, the stage filled with kids as he transitioned from singing "Baby" into "Somebody to Love." Isn't Bieber himself young enough?! He also unleashed his hidden talent, drumming. Apparently Justin Bieber can do anything.

Usher, or should I say "Ursher," as Trey Songz introduced him, blew up the stage with a great dance number. However, I hate when artists use a backtrack just so they can show off their dance moves. Dance during the instrumentals and sing when you should be singing. What's so hard about that?

Most of Florence and the Machine's performance of "The Dog Days Are Over," that song from the Eat, Pray, Love commercials, featured tribal dancers with the awesome costumes that played bongos and danced gracefully. It was one of the classiest, most beautiful performances at the VMA's in the last three years.

Taylor Swift sang "Still an Innocent," a song about Kanye still growing up and how "who you are is not what you did." Way to be the bigger man, Swift. I applaud you for your maturity.

Drake, Swizz Beatz and Mary J. Blige performed Drake's song "Fancy." Mary J. sang impressively as always, while Drake and Swizz Beats were just alright. They did their thing, and that was about it...nothing special.

The cast of the Jersey Shore invited Chelsea Handler to join them in an onstage hot tub. She jumped in like a champ, still wearing her dress.

Bruno Mars started off B.o.B.'s set with a piano bit on "Beautiful Girls," and then introduced Hayley Williams of Paramore and B.o.B. for "Airplanes." Hayley switched into Paramore mode and sang "The Only Exception" with her band.

Linkin Park performed their new song "Catalyst," a really catchy techno rock hit. The performance was rounded out with a stage wrapped in LED lights.

Kanye West sang about toasting to douchebags, scum bags, and jerk offs during "Runaway." Pusha T joined him for a horrible performance. West also sang with so much autotune at one point that it was impossible to make out what he was saying. Clearly he didn't care too much about cleaning up his act at this year's VMA's so people wouldn't hate him. Just when you think Kanye couldn't stoop any lower, well, he didn't stoop lower but he certainly didn't build up his reputation at all last night.

MTV's biggest mistake was paying a lot for the quantity of their live talent rather than the quality of their live talent; too many lip synchers or artists who didn't even bother lip synching. My biggest mistake was watching it two airplays in a row.

Other highlights and lowlights:

Highlights: Travie McCoy and Robyn's performances got cut short by VMA advertising. Justin Bieber wasn't able to find his way to the stage to accept his award. Plus, Deadmau5 deejayed before the commercial breaks.

Lowlights: Having to look at Cher in barely any clothing was something I wish I could unsee, and so was Lady Gaga's meat dress. Additional crummy moments included Aziz Ansari's introduction for Kanye West, and everything associated with Kanye last night.

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