Local Wire

Various artists

Uh-oh . . . TVT's collection of Southern thug rappers is pretty much -- to borrow a phrase from Lindsay Lohan -- completely retarded. The Dirty South's incarnation of gangster rap is no torch-bearer to the West Coast's industry-shaking forebears like 'Pac and Eazy. Lil' Jon and the Eastside Boyz, Atlanta's self-professed Kings of Crunk, show up with the stupidest testosterone-soaked track on here, "Bia' Bia' 2": "Nigga what you lookin' at nigga what you lookin' at nigga . . . what you wanna do, what you wanna do, well nigga fuck you, fuck you, fuck you . . ." 'Nuff said. Miami's Trick Daddy, the only other big name on the comp, comes with "Shut Up," which has a more interesting bass line than most of the sparse lowdown production on the album, but is weighed down by more illiterate ignorant rhymes -- Bill Cosby needs to sit these guys down and tell 'em what time it is. If you're one of those dudes who feels the need to compensate for your, uh, shortcomings with aggro, nut-grabbing, monosyllabic thug thumps, Crunk Classics will fit right into your collection. Shit, you can have my copy.
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Brendan Joel Kelley