Totally Legit

Why Ariana Grande Is Terrifying

I feel the same way about pop star Ariana Grande as I do about kittens. Like a kitten, she is small, manic, and often has furry ears. Like a kitten, everyone in the world loves her. And, like a kitten, she fills me with deep, untenable terror.

Last Halloween, the ubiquity of Grande-inspired costumes hit an all-time high. This is not a reason to grin. It's a reason to lock your doors.

News reports have done nothing to quiet my petrifying fear of demon-plagued potential serial killer Ariana Grande. If she turns out to be a sociopath who takes over the world and destroys us, don't act like I didn't warn you in a completely reasoned way.

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