Wrestlemania vs. Paul McCartney: Why Glendale Needs to be Superplexed Through a Table

As you may or may not know, the Arizona Cardinals play their home games at University of Phoenix Stadium. The Phoenix Coyotes play their home games at Jobing.com Arena -- which is in Glendale, for those keeping tabs on the Phoenix Coyotes.

Football and hockey are fall and winter sports, respectively, and the seasons overlap by only a few months (October-January). Since the Cardinals only play home games on either a Sunday or a Monday (or a Saturday or Thursday, if the Playoffs/NFL Network dictate as such), there is very little cause for concern regarding both venues being booked at the same time. 

Never one to fail at milking what it can out of whoever finds their way to the West Valley, Glendale apparently thinks Cardinals home games sometimes feel lonely, what with the 63,000+ fans packed into University of Phoenix Stadium. Perhaps that's why, for the past two seasons, the Cardinals' most attractive home games have been paired with an event at Jobing.com Arena. 

In 2008 it was the reigning World Champion New York Giants playing the Cardinals in University of Phoenix Stadium while two -- TWO -- Trans-Siberian Orchestra concerts were being held that same Sunday at Jobing.com Arena. In 2009 it was the same thing, only this time with the Brett Favre-lead Minnesota Vikings in town. For 2010, Glendale has already outdone itself by booking both Wrestlemania XXVI and Paul McCartney (the Glendale show kicks off his tour, mind you) on the same night. Madness ensues.

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I must now divulge that I own a pair of Arizona Cardinal season tickets. I was at both the Giants game in 2008 and the Vikings game in 2009. For lack of a better term, the traffic in and out of Glendale both nights was an absolute fucking mess -- as clear the definition of a clusterfuck as I have ever seen.

As I was trying to leave the Giants game in 2008, the traffic coming in for the Trans-Siberian Orchestra concerts was so bad that I was seriously considering throwing it all away and just slowly slipping off the face of the earth for a while.Nothing I was witnessing -- as car after car piled into the University of Phoenix Stadium parking lots -- gave me an ounce of faith in humanity. I would have rammed my car into a basket full of newborn panda bears had it allowed me to just get the fuck out of that asphalt nightmare. And who did I have to thank for all of this? Fucking Glendale.

So be warned, wrestling and Wings fans: this Sunday Glendale will be a fucking mess. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do about it, too. You're all just pawns in the diabolical suburban nightmare known as Glendale's silly little game of parking lot chess. The culture clash between wrestling fanatics (the entire town of Apache Junction) and Baby Boomers who listen to Paul McCartney (the entire populations of both Sun City and Surprise) will be one for the record books. However, traffic snarls truly are the great equalizer -- no one's a winner when sitting in an idling car for hours on end.

As much as I bitch about all of this, I realize that I brought the experience on myself by attending those particular Cardinals games. I played my part, and Glendale crushed my spirit.  It shouldn't have to happen like that, but as a fan of music/sports, I have very little power. I just jump through Glendale's hoops and hope to God I don't have to sit through hours of traffic just so I can drive home.

I just wish Glendale -- or someone in Glendale -- has the brains to avoid double-booking University of Phoenix Stadium and Jobing.com Arena like that. Be warned, we're all in for a hellish day.

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