The Arizona Cardinals will be rolling with rookie quarterback Ryan Lindley this week against the Detroit Lions, because, really, who gives a shit at this point?
It's not as if it actually matters who's chucking up the footballs for the Cards, but the spectacle at the quarterback position has been the most interesting thing about Arizona's season, by far.
-Kevin Kolb's Toast for the Season, Clearing the Way for Cardinals' Total Suck-Fest
-Could the Arizona Cardinals Possibly Suck Any More Than They Did on Sunday?
-Arizona Cardinals Suck More Than Ever, Lose 58-0 to Seattle Seahawks
Here's our quick and dirty timeline of said spectacle:
- August 31: John Skelton named the starting quarterback.
- Week 1: Skelton gets injured in the fourth quarter, and Kevin Kolb throws the game-winning TD pass.
- Weeks 2-5: Kolb wins three of four games as the starting quarterback.
- Week 6: Skelton's back from injury, but Kolb starts. Kolb gets injured late in the fourth quarter, and Skelton comes in the game. Skelton sets up the game-winning field goal for the Bills in overtime, thanks to an interception.
- Weeks 7-9: Skelton leads Cardinals to four straight losses.
- Week 10: Bye
- Week 11: Skelton completes two of seven pass attempts for 6 yards. Rookie Ryan Lindley replaces Skelton, and sucks slightly less than Skelton in a loss to the Atlanta Falcons. New Times begins call for open tryouts at quarterback position.
- Week 12-13: Lindley replaces Skelton as starter, throws two TD passes to a St. Louis Rams cornerback, then completes almost one-third of his pass attempts in next week's loss to New York Jets.
- Week 14: Skelton replaces Lindley as the starting quarterback, and sucks. Lindley replaces Skelton in the third quarter, and sucks just as much.
- Week 15: Lindley named starting quarterback, replacing Skelton once again. Kolb goes on injured reserve, and Cardinals sign Brian Hoyer. Results TBD.
Now that the Cardinals are back with Lindley, let's take a look at how he's done so far. Out of all the NFL players who have thrown at least one complete pass this season, Lindley's completion percentage ranks 61st. Only 65 players in the NFL have completed a pass this season. He also ranks 61st in yards per completion.
He has thrown zero touchdown passes in his four appearances, but has managed to throw more interceptions than Tom Brady and Robert Griffin III have thrown all season.
It's sad that we even thought to look this up, but Derek Anderson was better than Lindley is doing in just about every passing statistic we could find. Anderson's sack percentage was higher by one-tenth of one percent, if that's any consolation.
About 55 percent of readers who voted in our poll this week thought it would be possible for the Cardinals to suck more than they did in the 58-0 loss to the Seahawks this weekend. Now that's up to Lindley, at least, for this week.
Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.